Welcome to a new section in my blogging, WTF Tarot. Many, many times I shuffle thinking exactly that, and I get good answers!
So, WTF, tarot! Why am I so grouchy tonight? Nine of Cups... Seriously? I am in such a foul mood because I pretty much have everything I ever wanted? What kind of ungrateful brat am I? The Man is in the kitchen, doing dishes, an act I would normally find unbearably sexy, but it is just annoying me now. I should be doing the dishes. I am the one that works at home now, and it's my kids that dirtied the dishes, and I hate that he feels like he should do them even though he worked all day.
But... I worked all day too. That is actually my biggest hurdle I am finding, separating work from relaxing time. And I don't want to do the dishes tonight. I would rather do them with the bright morning sunshine streaming in the window, listening to the radio, planning the evening's meal. Right now I just want to read, and lay in bed with a bowl of popcorn and a soda and something mindless to distract.
Second biggest hurdle - Here I am, safe and warm and loved, I am so loved right now, just me as I am, warts and ridiculous number of tarot decks and moodiness and full Taurean-ness and all, and this is probably the first time in my entire life that has been the case. Even my mama didn't love me unconditionally. I am pursuing my life's dreams, writing, tarot, and I have my family all together every single night, and those are the only things in life I have ever really wanted. And I spend sooooo damn much time worrying about losing it.
So what can I do about that? Temperance- I get this stupid, stinky ol' card when I am not doing a good job of actively managing the details of my life. I get this card when my anxiety is flaring and I know moving my body and eating right and meditating and yoga-ing out would help and I know that but sometimes it just seems like so much work to go through just to function as a normal human being. I get this card because that angel is not going to do my work for me. He has his own. I have to actually do it myself, and in the practical application of good ideas is where I fall apart. Inspiration I have in spades. Or maybe Wands. But I struggle with the details.
I guess I gotta go to bed now. The yoga isn't going to stretch itself come 5am. Any possibility that angel over there is mixing me a Cosmo?
These cards, on whom my foul mood should not be blamed, are from the Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill F. Greer and David Morgan for U.S. Games.
LOL at the new section. :)
ReplyDeleteI was getting tired with myself, and other people asking me if I didn't appreciate everything I have - I thought I'd made it clear, to a nauseating degree, that I know how lucky I am, and that I should be feeling it every single day. The fact that I wasn't, made me feel even worse. I don't have everything I want, but I know that things will change when I have something that I want (a relationship like yours, for example), and it wasn't as though I loved feeling all of that ickiness over things going into the toilet (along with my self-esteem). Uh... I went on a tangent there. I'm afraid of losing what's good, as well - that's been a part of my problem, along with the feeling that time is going too fast, and that I'd wasted time putting my emotional energy into stupidity and people/circumstances that didn't deserve it.
I received Temperance yesterday, too (along with the Ace of Pentacles), and ended up having a good day and night, too. my mood sunk again this morning, but I'll move my repeated tangents over to my own blog, if I ever get anything more posted. :) ♥
I'm glad you like it, Angela!
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I have frequently thought, and wrote about, is how society often looks down on us for wanting to be in a good relationship. Women's lib, or whatever, wants us to believe that we do not need a man to be happy, and I think that is true. But the liberation of women should mean that we are free to pursue whatever it is we most want in life, and we should not be made to feel less if what we want is a man, or a woman, or however our leanings go.
Being in this relationship has not fixed any of my problems, and it has brought some new ones, but it has given me a soft place to fall, and company for the journey, and I am incredibly grateful for that.
You are free to tangent off, here, Angela, anytime. Dialogue is what makes writing a blog enjoyable. Along with getting my narcissism out in a healthy way :)
I feel for ya, struggling with the thoughts of wasted time and wasted energy. I try to make myself see that every step I have taken, even the ones I would label mis-steps, have brought me here, and even when I do not know see the destination I am getting to the one I am meant to be at.
Feel better, Angela! Make your own thoughts like you as much as everyone else does.