Fiddling With Cards

I was idling shuffling, which I do pretty much all the time my hands are not actively engaged with some other activity, and I decided to flip a card over.  The Page of Swords is the card that always represents my oldest son, so I decided to shuffle some more and flip again.  The Nine of Swords.  Worry so bad it makes you stay up at night.  Shuffle shuffle flip... The Queen of Pentacles.  That is usually me in my readings.  I didn't ask any question, so the cards reflected my most intense emotion at the moment- worry for the kid.  The young man is facing the Nine of Swords, all nine of which are pointing at me.  He knows he is causing me a lot of heartache and trauma.  At the moment, it hurts me more than it does him.  I wish for his whole life I could bear the brunt of his hurt, too, so I am not even mad about it.  But his life is his to lead, and mine is mine, and the older a child gets the less a parent can, or should, take on for them.   A good parent will work themselves out of a job, and one of my hardest struggles right now is knowing when to let go, and when to hold on tight.

So then I asked, "What is he feeling, then?"

The Fool, Six of Cups, Five of Cups

He is turning away from what he sees as childish things, ready to follow his own path, and very possibly going to fall right onto that ravine.  He is sad about it, though, and looks back on the childhood days with nostalgia and a little regret.

There is nothing I would take to go back in time and relive my teenage years.  Poor guy.




These images come from the Prairie Tarot by Robin Ator, available here.