Freaked the Eff Out!

Okay, so I have been busily reading all day, and I idly asked myself where a forum buddy has been.

Death.

The person has not been online in two months.  I actually owe them money, as they sent me some great decks but neglected to send their PayPal info.  I honestly never would have expected them to mail the decks before having payment.  I have sent PMs via the forum, and emails to the listed address, trying to get the money to them, with no response.

The only, only, only time I have ever had the Death card mean a physical death was for my own grandfather, but he was in cardiac failure in a hospice, so it's not like that was a surprise.  I hope I am keeping that record, but I am unlikely to find out unless they just pop on one day.  *crossing fingers*

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Well, my daily draws have not been all that interesting, really, except in the fact that it has been the same three cards, in varying combination, over and over for the past several days.

Daily Draw - The Devil

Rinse, repeat.

I am not kidding, these are the things I deal with.  Repeating cards, decks that think they know more than me.  And of course, they do.

I'm not done with the Devil yet, so it seems.

It's not wrong to indulge in our baser desires from time to time, on the contrary, balance is what makes us whole individuals.  The Devil, however, does not speak of balance.  The Devil twists the perfect alchemy of Temperance, turning it into something ugly, and what once served is now obsession.

For example, it is not wrong to like your things neat and tidy, but when it is crippling to not have them so, the act of mad scouring is not an act of control, but of being controlled.

Another piece of the Devil is that the worse we feel about ourselves, the more we turn to the behaviors he speaks of, and the worse we feel.  It is a cycle.  Feel like crap, drink a bottle of wine, stuff a box of Twinkies down our gullets, buy fantastically expensive Jimmy Choo shoes we can't really afford.  No one understands me, I am too disgusting for human contact, who cares if I download 100 MB of porn and hole up in a dark room all day?  It's my life.

There is popular belief to call the Devil the Christian Lucifer, Satan, but that is inaccurate.  The Devil of tarot cards is more accurately related to Pan, the merry, randy goat man of Greek myth, or Dionysus, lost in the pleasures of the flesh.  The medieval Christian Church deemed these things unholy, so they came, of course, from "the devil."  It's much easier to blame an outside entity for our addictions, obsessions, and general unhealthy behaviors.  "The devil made me do it."  The devil inside of us is more fearful, and thusly harder to face, than any other.  It would be more palatable to blame a ferocious demon for the nasty things we do, to ourselves and others, than to look deep inside and realize that just as God is in all of us, so the devil can be, too.  And that notion is less appealing.

For the record, it is my belief that Lucifer, the fallen angel, is probably so beautiful it would hurt to look on him, because beauty is enticing.

I have had the Devil appear for people who need to let go and let loose, invite a little more pleasure into their lives, but for me, today, I think it is about unraveling the ties in my life that are no longer healthy.  There are people and things we bind ourselves to, exquisite silver cords stretching between us, ensuring constant link and empathy, but sometimes those cords transform into chains, and it is important to recognize when that has happened, and then be prepared to undo those ties.

Daily Draw - The Devil

Update:  Still for trade or sale : one less loved Deviant Moon tarot.

Of course I should get the Devil today.  Why not?

Well, I am sorely tempted to stay home today, even though I know I shouldn't.  I am battling anxiety pretty deeply, and I am worried I am one mean look away from a complete breakdown, which of course can't happen at home, unless you count the dirty looks I shoot myself in the mirror sometimes.

I am so tempted to just stay home, where I can snuggle my NicNoodle all day, and escape into books.  The Devil signifies what scares us, too, and things we are bound to.  When anxiety surpasses normal levels, everything is scary, and too much to deal with.

The Devil is negative thinking, bad habits, temptations that are nearly irresistible.  Today, I would count myself lucky to just get through.

My Devil is anxiety, sneaky, insidious, insistent that it is all my fault, and I should just pull myself together.

Daily Draw - The Lovers

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Haha!

*snicker* *snort*

Ha!

For sale or trade - One well used, although gently, once loved Deviant Moon tarot deck(emphasis on once).  Has a bit of a bad attitude and a snarky sense of humor.  Has no filter, and is likely to embarrass you on your blog.  Will trade for a soft, sweet Whimsical tarot.

Deviant Moon, you and your Lovers card can kiss my, well you get the picture.

The thing about love, is, often times, it does not seem to love us back.  The thing about love is, it's dangerous, and it's sweet poison can be so seductive, so entrancing, that we willingly stand there and let the viper bite us.  We can lose ourselves in it, and while that can be the best feeling in the world, it can also be a dangerous place to put ourselves in.  That is because to love truly, and to love wholly, we have to be vulnerable, naked (not just physically), and we have to take that risk, over and over, moment by moment.  And we have to be able to trust someone else with holding the very essence of who we are in their hands.

There is another take on this particular image, one that just occurred to me, after my jaded, mean side got to have its' say.  She is lost in the rapture, completely surrendered to him.  She is literally swooning, and he is holding her up.  Her eyes are closed, lost in the ecstasy of the moment, but his are open wide.  Is he offering himself to the snake, thereby protecting her?

Patrick Valenza's, the deck creator,  take on the card is thus: Locked in a passionate hold, two lovers embrace by a desert lake.  The moon casts a hypnotic trance upon them.  A snake injects them with venom.

Hmm, less helpful than one might hope, although a lake in a desert is a pretty rare thing.  That would be a place where one would want to be, a place to refresh themselves and be filled with the necessary supplies to move on.  But, when one dares not trust to hope, even good things can look dangerous.

Airy Gemini rules the Lovers, and in the RWS version, the archangel Raphael, who has the power to heal,  looks down upon Adam and Eve, before the fall, yet the infamous serpent is still there, waiting his part.  She is looking at the angel, and he (the human) is looking at her.  Gemini facilitates the soul deep communication needed to integrate these two halves of a whole, and the angel Raphael provides the healing that will bind them together, like broken bones that knit tighter than before.  The key, though, is that they have to be willing participants, and I am not sure that I am.  This requires a trust that I am not sure I have yet, a trust in Spirit, who the angel willingly serves, a trust in another person, and, probably deepest of all, a trust in myself that I do not feel sure of anymore.

These images are from the Deviant Moon tarot by Patrick Valenza for US Games Systems, Inc and the Aquatic Tarot by Andreas Schroter.