Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Daily Draw - King of Pentacles, Two of Wands, The Lovers


The King of Pentacles is The Man, as ever in my readings.  He takes care of things on a very practical level, and while he is the best hearted person I have ever known and an absolute charmer and prince on every level, he tends to be quite pragmatic and realistic, which is a good foil to my flighty artistry.  The Two of Wands is about reaching for greatness.  In this case, one of the great cats is literally trying to stretch out and reach the prickly porcupine.  My tender sensibilities want to think he just wants to love it and play with it a bit, while his partner looks on.  The scene on the Lovers portrays something impossible to work out, a satyr and a human woman, but the Latin inscription reads, "Nothing is difficult for those who love."

Today these cards make me remember to consciously give thanks for all the good things in my life, The Man who I adore, who adores me and makes sure I know it, being chief among them.  The hard things aren't so hard with him, and every day life has taken on a dreamlike quality where I can't wait to get from one moment to the next, just enjoying each step by his side.  I am grown up more, or this is right, or some combination of the two, because I don't need perfect, I just need him and my family.  And I know no one who isn't in a happy relationship wants to read about mine, so I feel almost guilty about having found this beautiful joy.  Life is by no means perfect; there is never enough time in the day and stretching the dollars is a constant struggle.  We both have contentious custody situations, and exes who wish us no good, as well as two teenagers, two middle schoolers, and a baby girl who is 9 going on 19.  All of that adds up to a lot of stress, but somehow it's not crushing when there are two to bear the burdens.

These cards are also such a contrast to my weepy, sad cards of yesterday.  I said I didn't know where they applied to my life, but as I look at my happy, triumphant cards this morning, I feel they may have been referring to a dark time in my life, about four years ago, when my kids' dad and I were splitting up.  That was so hard for me, because I loved my family, and I wanted it more than anything, and I did not let go of the relationship gracefully, though I dearly wish I had, because today I can see where I had to be broken down and rebuilt in order to be more fully who I really am.  Also, because The Ex and the mistress will always hold in their minds the idea that I want to be with him, and I truly don't.  I loved him, at a time and to a point, but it was never the all encompassing, unconditional love I have now, and if I thought it would do any good I would write both of them a thank you letter, because where I am is exactly where I want to be.  What I loved most of all, more than The Ex and what I really cared about was the family, the children and my place in it and my former in laws and our life together.  There is also the point that The Ex deserves to be loved the way I love The Man, and while we could have probably "made it work", life is so short and you only get this one shot at it, so we both deserve to live more fully than just getting by together.  But my sadness over the loss of my family, or what I perceived as the loss, I allowed that to cripple me for many months, and it went beyond simple grieving and into the danger zone of believing that was life was, pain and misery.

Love just happens to us, at first, but then it becomes a conscious choice, to stay in love and fan the flames of desire and to keep walking down the path together.








These cards are from the Tarot of Durer published by Lo Scarabeo.

5 comments:

  1. This is really sweet. I'm glad you're so happy--it's nice to see. I also feel blessed with my relationship. It's not perfect but it's still wonderful nonetheless.

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  2. I'm glad that you're happy, too. I remember your posts from over a year ago, and am glad that you have him in your life. :)

    I'm watching this right now, even though it makes me cry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCJecR85T4E&feature=feedrec_grec_index ~ I kick myself over wasted tears (men who weren't worth it).

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  3. MM- I am happy for you, too! <3

    Angela, that is a great episode! I've cried a lot of tears, and I don't expect yet that I am completely done, but I don't think it will be deliberately caused pain anymore. And since you do remember my singledom, you know if there is hope for me there is hope for anyone. (((Angela)))

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