Tarot Foundations by Brigit Esselmont- Day 28

Keep your eyes on this space for an exciting giveaway courtesy of Brigit Esselmont, author of two great tarot eBooks The Ultimate Guide to Tarot Card Meanings and her newest- Tarot Foundations: 31 Days to Read Tarot with Confidence, and the brilliant creator of the Biddy Tarot website.  Click here to visit Biddy Tarot.

I have been working with Tarot Foundations and have found each Lesson and Activity to be useful, easy, and illuminating.  You can catch up on all the happenings with the book here, including a special guest post from my husband, a tarot newbie.  This will be my last example of how to use the book, and next week we will have the ultimate review as well as that giveaway I mentioned.

Today I am using the methods Brigit outlined to tackle one of the most difficult questions any reader will ever be faced with, whether for themselves or others- When?

Day 28: Discover Timing Through the Tarot

In this section of the book, Brigit shares several different methods to use to divine timing through the cards.  The reader is not bound to any method she considers "right" but is encouraged to try them all out and decide for themselves what works and what doesn't work.  Some of the methods explored are using the divinatory meanings, the suits and elements, astrology, and of course, the context of the cards in the reading.

I love to do readings that glimpse possible futures for people, but even more I enjoy using tarot to delve deep into the psyche and see how the cards suggest living the best, most authentic life.  To that end, I intend to use the spread Brigit included in this section, which answers many important questions and should help me make decisions with confidence.

Activity 28.1 Conduct a Timing Tarot Card Reading

The spread is as follows:

The desired event will happen when...

• Card 1 You realise...
• Card 2 You accept...
• Card 3 You acknowledge...
• Card 4 You do...

For my timing question, I would like to know when I can expect peace in my home.  When I say peace, I mean people outside our home no longer influence it, when kids and pets and schedules and the careful balance between love and money are all in harmony.  That is a tall order, but not impossible, and I expect some great advice from the cards!

For my answers I have this reading-

Card 1: Six of Pentacles- I will have peace in my home when I realize that every thing I am doing is keeping me from doing something else.  There needs to be a balance because when I am spending time doing the dishes I am not creating.  When I am driving kids around I am not with my husband.  When I am zoning out in front of the tv I am not engaged with the kids.  When I am playing games with the kidtauplets I am not doing laundry.  Taking one client means that time is not available to another.  For this reason it is unbelievably important that every way I spend my time is either getting me closer to my goals, enhancing my family, or taking care of myself or others that depend on me.

The imagery of the card with the scales in perfect balance, the figures in different positions, is striking to me. Sometimes I am doling out my resources, and sometimes I am asking for help.  I am not comfortable with asking, and I need to realize that for balance there has to be both giving and taking.

Card 2: Queen of Pentacles- I will have peace in my home when I accept that I just need to be me.  I often see myself as the Queen of Pentacles, so I see this card encouraging me not to try to change my own nature but rather allow myself to grow the way I am so inclined and stop judging it.

On a practical note, because the Queen of Pentacles is ever practical, I will have peace in my home when I accept that I am ultimately responsible for creating that peace, through both attitude and action.  I need to think peacefully, act peacefully, and I need to get my home better organized.  With five kids, everything needs a place and needs to be in its' place.  I also need to organize my time better, and come at every issue with a plan so that I am prepared.

Card 3: The Sun- I will have peace in my home when I acknowledge how precious this time is, and how blessed our lives are.  The imagery of the baby on a horse makes me nostalgic for when I had toddlers instead of teenagers, and it does not seem like all that long ago!  They really do grow fast, and Gretchen Rubin notes in The Happiness Project the days sometimes drag but the years fly by.

Because of the positive connotations The Sun always brings, I feel I am being encouraged to express gratitude because we really have so much, each other being the biggest of those treasures.  I will have peace in my home when I acknowledge that being a positive mother, wife, pet caregiver, and person in general truly has the power to bring peace and joy.  However, I look back to the Queen of Pentacles, and I know that while I need to let myself be light I also have to stay grounded and keep it real, or I will feel inauthentic and despise myself.  This returns to the first card about balance, give and take.

Card 4: Eight of Pentacles- I will have peace in my home when I do the work.  This card has me chuckling, because it so often comes up for me when I should be working, either at my craft, business, or home, and what I am actually doing is procrastinating by watching whatever Bravo! tells me to.  I can meditate, pray, journey through tarot cards, beg, plead, imagine, envision all day long, but I have to back that up with actually doing things that will improve the situation.  As someone who works at home I often have issues with distinguishing between At Work and At Home.  Returning to the first card, I know that I have to strike a balance, and actually do the work for both things but at different times.  I am easily distracted by dishes in the sink, and when I get up to do them I usually have a brilliant (I think anyway) idea that needs to be jotted don right away.  I need time for work, time for home, time for me, time for my family, time for my husband, and I need to distinguish between those times and fully dedicate myself to whichever task is at hand instead of being distracted.

The Shadow Card of this reading is the Two of Pentacles, which is not surprising at all to me.  The Shadow Card, at the bottom of the deck when I lay out a reading, gives me some insight, usually something I am placing as far away from myself as possible.  I struggle with balancing all of life's details, like many people, and I often feel overwhelmed yet terrified of dropping any of the balls I have in the air.

So many Pentacles tell me that this truly is a valid reading about my home, and give practical advice to reach my goal.

I chose to do a spread basically says when I do x, y will happen.  I like the kinds of spreads and questions that put the power in my hands, and I am truthfully not very good at nailing down timing in reading the cards anyway, so I played to my strengths.  However, there are techniques included for divining if not exact, pretty close timing, so you can explore and experiment with those, too.  One of the greatest lessons I ever learned about reading tarot is that each reader should take what works for them and discard the rest.

If you are intrigued by Brigit Esselmont's quick and simple way to learn tarot, I encourage you to Click here to visit Biddy Tarot.







These cards are from Radiant Rider Waite Tarot published by U.S. Games Systems, Inc.  The original art was done by Pamela Colman Smith, and mine have been lovingly released from their white borders.

Daily Draw- King of Swords, Six of Wands, Seven of Pentacless

I have happy news, which is that the great big cards of the past few days have finally fallen into place, and it is the happiest kind of news, which is a shake up, but a good one.  I had no feelings of dread, no fears, and my intuitive feelers usually give off great big warnings when bad things are coming, whether I am interpreting them correctly or not.  Not a drop of that, I am happy to report.

Mystic Dreamer Tarot- King of Swords, Six of Wands, Seven of Pentacles

This is the third time this King of Swords has led off the Daily Draw this week, which has to be significant.  I had an epihany last night about what this could be talking about, but then some news came, so I'll share that later.  Tarot is fully capable of tackling more than one subject at a time.

We have been stuck in legal issues with my husband's ex concerning the kids for many months, and she has been threatening action for years before that.  Because the kids wanted it, and because we wanted it, and as things began to come out about the other part of their home life, we asked for increased parenting time with them.  That request has been stuck in court for months, literally, when you would normally expect to hear back within a few weeks.  The court has finally taken action, and it is quite positive for us!  Nothing is certain yet but we have always been quite confident, with the reassurance of our counsel, that we will be able to gain at least a 50/50 split if not more time.

This is the keep-coming-around-again King of Swords, the lawyers, the judge, the court, and the legal system.  The Six of Wands is winning, although the only ones we want to win are the kids.  However triumphant, though, this Knight is still armored, and the battle may be won, but the war rages on (unfortunately for the innocents stuck in the middle).  He is marching towards the Seven of Pentacles, which is a card that signifies yet more waiting, but that is all right.  We'll just keep doing the right thing and expecting the right, good and moral outcome, even if we have to plead with the court to order it.

Mystic Dreamer Tarot- The Empress

The Shadow Card is The Empress, the mother archetype, and I think many of my "negative"or less than thrilling cards I have been drawing this week can be explained here.  I empathize deeply with my husband's kids' mom.  I have been a single mom with boys the same age, and I know how hard that can be.  Despite what she may believe, I did not want to fight with her.  I just wanted us to all come to an agreement that best suited the kids.  I feel her fear and worry at the next step, and I know when I began to share custody of my kids I was panicked for them.  It has turned out to be a great situation for us, giving me time and freedom to pursue my own life, my own degree and career, and giving my kids the vital time with their dad.  That can't be replaced no matter how much I love them.

My next statement is going to come off as judgmental, but I don't care.  Some things just need to be said.  If she was being the kind of mom she should have been, we wouldn't be here.  She wouldn't slander her children's father to them, she wouldn't try to poison their well of their self esteem in doing so, she would get a job and provide properly for them, and we wouldn't have to fight her for more time.  And even as I say that, I have to admit that I did not go gracefully into my current custody arrangement, either.  There were a lot of issues between The Ex and I that made me extremely uncomfortable with handing my kids over to him, but I kept some of his secrets and thus shot myself in the foot.  In the end, this was for the best, because children need their fathers, and it is so sad that so many kids don't have dads so invested in them.  My kids, the ones I had and the ones that came with my wonderful marriage, and I are so blessed to have dads that want to be in their lives, want to carry their part of the parenting, and I can't help but wish she would see that.

Wisdom of the House of Night Oracle- Differences

Which brings us to the Wisdom of the House of Night Oracle card drawn for this reading- Differences.  The black cat and the white cat perfectly illustrate where we are, completely unable to reach an understanding of the other, and there are even two pieces of fruit in the bowl, like their are two fine young men at issue here.  The thing is, cats don't eat fruit, so why do they want it?  My fear is this is more about the power struggle between opposing sides for some of the people involved than it is the well being of the kids.  Like The Empress up there reflects my own unresolved issues and hurts around my own long resolved and now peaceful custody situation, I think the arena of the children has become a way for their mother to express her unresolved hurts and resentments over the long ago break up.

As much as I want it, I just don't think there is going to be a way to bring everyone into agreement and live peacefully as one parenting unit.  And I wish it very much, for the sake of the kids.  If The Ex and I can coexist peacefully, after the wretched break up, the awful things we did to each other, and the horrifically ugly custody battle that came after, then healing is possible for any relationship.



These cards are from Mystic Dreamer Tarot by Heidi Darras and Barbara Moore, published by Llewellyn, and Wisdom of the House of Night Oracle by P.C. Cast and Colette Baron-Reid, published by Potter Style.

Tarot Foundations by Brigit Esselmont, Day 9

Today I am continuing my series on Brigit Esselmont, of Biddy Tarot, latest eBook, Tarot Foundations: 31 Days to Read Tarot With Confidence.  Click here to visit Biddy Tarot.

Almost every day, people ask me how they can read tarot like I do.  Truthfully, no one is ever going to read tarot like me, and no one is ever going to read tarot like you, either.  It is such an intensely personal thing, and you will be exactly the kind of reader you are meant to be, and exactly the people who need to hear your message will come to you.  That is just a mystery about how it works.  But I can tell you that it is entirely possible to spend the rest of your life learning new things about tarot.  I do every day, even after 23 years!  The quickest, easiest way I have found to dive into tarot like a pro is Brigit's method she outlines in Tarot Foundations: 31 Days to Read Tarot With Confidence so I am excited to share it with you!

After having been walked through the steps of choosing a deck (you all know at close to a thousand decks I have that one down) and choosing which, if any, books you will work with, Tarot Foundations: 31 Days to Read Tarot With Confidence teaches you how and why to keep a tarot journal.  This is an invaluable tool which I have used since I was 12 years old, and still use daily today.  In many ways, this blog you are reading in fact serves as an online tarot journal for me, and Brigit makes it a simple process.  There is no need to be intimidated by the thought of a tarot journal, and like so much with tarot you can take what is useful to you and discard the rest.

Day 9: Learn About The Minor Arcana

Mystic Dreamer Tarot- Eight of Pentacles

The Minor Arcana are the meat and potatoes of your tarot deck, and they are all too often seen by readers and deck creators alike as not as "important" as the Major Arcana, which is a mistake, in my opinion, and in Brigit's.  The Major Arcana deals with archetypes, karma, and major themes happening in our lives, so they do matter a great deal, but the Minor Arcana deal with what we do every day, and we spend more time there than the grand sphere of archetypal energies.  If you are working with your full deck (excuse me a little chuckle here), most readings will have more cards from the Minor Arcana than the Majors, so having a good grasp on them is essential to your tarot reading happiness.  (To tell you a little secret, there are times when I will separate the Majors from the Minors, pull one Major Arcana as a theme to the reading, and pull all the rest of the cards from the Minors, because they do matter that much.)

Once again, in just a few pages, Brigit Esselmont has simplified and de-mystified a sometimes daunting subject, and the reading and Activities give incredible bang for the buck of time spent with them.  It won't take long out of your day to do them, but you will learn so much!

Before beginning today's Activities, Brigit makes sure you have a firm grasp on the essence of each suit and there is chart included in the pages to refer back to if you get confused.  I did the following in my own voice.

Activities

9.1.  Associate the Suits with Your Daily Activities

List the main activities you engaged in during the past week.  How would you categorise the activities according to the Minor Arcana suits?

• Wands- I have been participating in National Novel Writing Month, wherein each author endeavors to complete a 50,000 word novella in just thirty days.  This is about my passion and fire for writing, and keeping it alive through an intense period of time with work that can seem grueling.
• Cups- We celebrated Thanksgiving here in the United States, which brought family around, always emotional for me, but usually good emotions.  My husband's birthday was celebrated, and I cried to see him so pleased with his gifts and party.  We had family portraits done, and we have yet to have a session in which someone doesn't tear up, but that is the price of having such a large one with so many diverse personalities.  This week has been intense emotionally, with everything happening, but also incredibly rewarding.
• Swords- I mistype "Swords" as "words" several times every day, and words have literally been flying around me, in my NaNoWriMo project, and in some minor family disputes where words had to be exchanged.  Also, to make the holidays come together requires a great deal of talking and communication, so I have been doing a lot of that.  I am also doing two different Blog Talk Radio shows this week, and have clients booked, so there is even more talking!
• Pentacles- With the holidays so near, and my husband's birthday just passing, money is constantly leaving our hands it seems like just now.  My husband, just last night, gifted me with an early (and better be only) Christmas present- a brand new laptop which I sorely needed, having been given the blue screen of death by my old one a few months ago.  This is an example of a physical resource that will generate more physical resources.  As a writer, I need a dedicated computer, and as a small business owner it certainly makes time management easier to have a good working computer.

9.2. Give Advice According to the Suits

Mystic Dreamer Tarot- Six of Swords

Imagine you are giving a friend some advice about creating a budget/finding love/making a career move.  What would you tell him or her from the perspective of each suit?

For example, going on a holiday...

• Wands- Go wherever you get really excited when you think about it, wherever your heart literally pounds and you feel shaky, maybe a little sweaty, with the excitement of going.
• Cups- Go with a lover, if you have one, or with someone you trust utterly.  Make it about making memories to last you a lifetime after you return.
• Swords- Make sure you get all the details of the trip in writing, that your rates are guaranteed in writing, and that you have all your passports, even for domestic travel, and paperwork in place.  Do research in advance and leave with a plan for what you want to do some days, while leaving some free for spontaneous fun.
• Pentacles- Know what to pack, how much money to bring, and how much you can afford to spend on this trip.  If you don't have the cash or vacation time ready, save some up.  You don't want these worries while you are trying to enjoy this special time.

Brigit finishes this day with these words:

Once you have learned more about the Suits from Day 10 to 13, come back to this activity and add to your answers.  Try it out with different scenarios.

Once again, I did not spend a long time with this reading or doing these Activities, but I, even as a seasoned reader, got so much out of them!  That is why Tarot Foundations: 31 Days to Read Tarot With Confidence by Brigit Esselmont gets the 78 Whispers seal of approval, and why I am so delighted to share her methods with you all!  Click here to visit Biddy Tarot.

In the spirit of full honesty, if you choose to buy the eBook from a link you click here I will receive a portion of the sale, but my endorsements are not for sale, and I only share products I use and find genuinely useful with you.  I work hard for my money and I know you do, too!

If you are working through this book I'd love to hear how it's going for you!  Please share in the comments, or drop me an email at 78WhispersTarot at gmail.





I chose the Eight of Pentacles to signify working at learning something new, resources invested, and rewards reaped.  I chose the Six of Swords as a card of travel.

These cards are from Mystic Dreamer Tarot by Heidi Darras and Barbara Moore, published by Llewellyn.

Daily Draw- Queen of Cups, The Emperor, Six of Swords

The Queen of Cups spills the entire cosmos out of her Cup, having held it all back in order to only present a happy face to those around her.  People, likely her family, depend on her, and she tries to oblige, but she has deep and wild feelings all her own, that need to have a safe place to be told.  In her dressing robe, this is her private time, the only place she feels she can really "let it all hang out".  She is turned away from the Emperor, who sits sternly on his hard throne in the soft luxury most likely created by a woman.  He does not want to be gruff, but he doesn't really know another way to be, and with the Queen over there, holding it together, but he may worry just barely, someone has to make the rules.  The Six of Swords is the happy medium between the two, truce having been reached.  The ship steers elegantly between her turbulent waters and his unflappable one, off into the setting sun, the proverbial happy ending.

Tarot of the Tattoo Age- Queen of Cups, The Emperor, Six of Swords

How does this apply to me today?  Well, these are all aspects of myself, making an attempt to compartmentalize myself, and finding a way to peace without such drastic measures.  As a Daily Draw, these are pretty heavy cards.  I can see myself at war at times, because I am three weeks out from my last surgery, and in theory, feeling much better, but I still need to take it physically easy, rest a lot, nap when I need to, and my Emperor aspect is stern with myself, telling myself things like, "Don't be such a lazy cow."  Words, which by the way, would never pass through my mind, let alone over my lips, about someone else.  My husband has been an absolute prince among men as I go through this, helping me make our home comfortable and inviting, just the way I like it, bringing me treats, both to eat and little gifts that lift my spirits.  I try really hard to let everyone believe I am strong and I can do everything I keep trying to do, but the Six of Swords promises I am on the way there.  It also suggests that I just sleep when I need to, now while I can, and stop the drama of my inner struggle.  That is just distracting, and serves no purpose.

Tarot of the Tattoo Age- Page of Cups

The Shadow Card is The Page of Cups, which has traditionally represented my youngest to me, who is out  of school this week.  She does not enjoy quiet days at home, but I have her stocked full of interesting things to do.  She was also sick for the last two days of school last week, so may be getting a little cabin fever-y, even though much of the busy-ness of the weekend revolved around her.

However, this is a rather mature Page of Cups, also spilling the contents of her Cup all over.  This suggests to me that if I don't manage to handle my issues in a mature way, I run the risk of having them spill over in an immature way, which I am sure my husband would forgive me.  It's not a habit of mine, and I do have excuses.  But I am a grown woman, and I don't let those excuses reign over my life.

The Queen of Cups is by artist Nick Phillips.

The Emperor is by artist Damien Voss.

The Six of Swords is by artist Chris Howell.

The Page of Cups is by artist Hayley Lakeman.

These cards are from Tarot of the Tattoo Age, a collaborative project self published by Flaco Productions, LLC.

Sacred Contract or Scared Contact?

As I am getting more and more convinced by this deck that perhaps the alien invasion looks less like the action flicks or Gigers' vision, and more like some of the lovely healers, light workers, tarot readers, reiki masters, and all manner of just good people I know who are on a mission to make the world whole again, I will soon be asking The Big Question.  In the meantime, I wanted to write about an experience I had with the deck yesterday.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Two of Chalices

Yesterday, in my extreme nervousness before a client reading (I get butterflies every single time, but I also get butterflies every single time my phone chimes with The Man's message tone, or I see his car in our driveway, so I do not necessarily think that is bad thing) I played a game I often play with tarot, called Comfort Me Tarot, in which I ask my card to show me some words of comfort.  It self soothes, and eases my anxiety better than Xanax ever did.  My Comfort Me Tarot Card was the Two of Chalices, a card I nearly cried in relief to see.  While this imagery reflects quite traditional Waite Smith cards, it is card I see as not just love, but as sacred contracts, the things we were sent here to do, that we agreed before we came to Earth to fulfill.  May times that is romantic love, but it is other things and people we love, too, and reading tarot is one of my sacred contracts.  As I flew to my Twitter account to share my card, I mistyped so that I originally wrote "ComfortMeTarot 2Cups- This is my scared contract, so what am I so scared of?"  I caught the typo before I posted the tweet, so that made me think about how close those two words are- Sacred, Scared.  They are close enough that if you mistype one your spell check, and likely even your grammar check, won't catch it.

Do you get scared when you are about to fulfill part of your sacred contract?  I often do, and I think that can also be related to Resistance with a capital "R" (if you are paying attention, you'll notice I gave up for the week after that post.  I can claim, legitimately, needing healing time, but it is entirely likely capital "R" Resistance won out on me), and today I am asking The Sirian Starseed Tarot what I should do when Sacred and Scared are too close for comfort for me.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Six of Chalices

My immediate response upon seeing this card, the Six of Chalices, is an old, faded, but undeniable memory of hugging someone so dear to me, promising to see them soon, and going to do what I knew I was supposed to, excited, nervous, scared, and exhilarated, slightly sad, but mostly exuberant.

Patricia Cori writes in the accompanying book, "Like children of the stars, we leaped into this world to learn, to grow, and to give.  This beautiful key is about remembering this innocence- that total surrender- and trusting that what is unfolding is what you came to know and experience.  From your stellar self, to your earthly being, with this key you recognize that you are a child of the universe, and you feel that harmony with yourself and with others sharing your path."

For me, to embrace this idea of a Sirian High Council, of myself, or anyone even, being a Starseed, is going to require a complete overhaul of my way of thinking.  I do believe it is possible, but this deck is challenging me to go beyond believing in possibility, and onto embracing a whole different reality than I have been living in these past 35 years.  That is a big, scary concept, and this is the first tarot deck I have ever used that has actually challenged my beliefs and way of thinking, besides the first one that I worried I might be going to hell for using (but I was 12 at the time and my Grandpa let the Jehovah's Witnesses in every time they knocked, and we kept every book they left, which a curious and voracious reader consumed in frenzied fear and hope, that I could be saved from my wickedness and suffering forever in a lake of fiery torment if I could somehow be good enough, so I get a pass on that).

So, I believe this card is advising me to remember, when I get scared as a direct result of doing something that is fulfilling the sacred contract I came here to fill, to remember that it was my choice.  I chose this, this life, this time, these people, all of them, even the irritating ones, even the ones that have hurt me, that I have hurt, and maybe them most of all.  I think the card also reminds me that I love infinitely, beyond here and now, crossing all boundaries of space and time, and I am loved just like that, too, by other beings, probably The Man, the kidtauplets, potentially some past lovers, and by the Supreme Being (who has no lake of fire; who shudders at the thought of such a thing being taught in The Name).

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Eight of Orbs

The Shadow Card is a familiar one, having appeared before as something I need to know but don't want to deal with, the Eight of Orbs.  I bind myself with my own thought patterns, and by my own admission, before I ever picked up this deck, I thought of the Two of Cups as love and sacred contracts.  Well, who was I making those sacred contracts with, unless it was God, or Goddess, with the help of Spirit Guides more than one gifted seer has said hover near me, who, if I am honest with myself, I feel, and reach out to?  If I instantly feel body recognition at the sight of the Six of Chalices, how do I explain that away?  This deck is causing me to think deeply about how I perceive the Universe, and honestly, I am scared.  Equally honestly, I am excited!  I have always known that I am more than a body here on Earth, but knowing a thing and truly believing it are two different things, sometimes.  I am beginning to truly believe.

These cards are from The Sirian Starseed Tarotby Patricia Cori and Alysa Bartha, published by North  Atlantic Books.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Can You Answer The Mundane?

Okay, so we know The Sirian Starseed Tarot answers spiritual and psychological questions like a champ, with eery accuracy, and for me, at least, causing deep introspection and higher thought patterns to emerge.  That is plenty enough to ask of any deck, but I want to know if this one can address my day to day concerns, as well.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Six of Crystals (Pentacles)

There is an ongoing situation with a person that is full of conflict, and it is not a situation I can just walk away from.  It has to be worked out.  My question is, How can I best approach the situation with this person?  My answer is the Six of Crystals, which, being the highest vibration of Earth energy, are equivalent to Pentacles in this deck.

In the imagery, I instantly relate to the dark haired woman on the left as myself, and since I see the scales I know my role in this situation is to stay in balance.  No one else in this situation is able to view it impartially, and I am not able to either, entirely, but I come the closest, probably, of the participants.

I see that I need to give this person as much as I expect them to give me, because that is how balance happens.  The reaching hands to the figure I am identifying with make me feel the other person wants me to give the most in the situation, and since this is the suit that deals with physical things, I know that means money as well as time and resources.  I am inclined to give those things, because I identify readily with this persons' particular set of problems, and I have deep and sometimes painful empathy for most people, but some people see the kind of giving I am more than willing to do as weakness.

The empty hands also indicate to me that this person feels I have taken something from them, and while I could not live with myself if I believed that I had, each persons' perception IS their reality, so if this person feels I have taken something from them, in their world, I have.  The correlation is my reality is that I feel I have done them no wrong, so that is how it is in my world.  Even though it logically seems both statements can't be true, we aren't dealing with logic.  We are dealing with feelings, which are volatile, so both statements CAN be true, and in this case probably are.

By their words, I know this person sees this situation as one with clear winners and losers, but the balance of the scales indicates that is not the case, and their perception of win/lose is a faulty one.  I need to be careful to not let their faulty perception affect my reality, so that I keep in mind BALANCE is what we have been seeking all along, not a "win".

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Seeker of Crystals (Pentacles)

The Shadow Card of this reading comes from the same suit, and is The Seeker of Crystals.  This is equivalent to the Page of Pentacles in a Waite Smith named deck.  To be honest, I physically identify the figure on the card as the person I am in opposition with at the moment, though they are not necessarily a female, and the grin on the face of the figure in the card I see as malicious, in this case (the next time I see this card, that may not be so, as I am sure the artist did not intend that.  This is how intuition works).  That would make sense for this card to appear as far away from me as possible, because I really would just like them to go away, in peace and their own happiness, but that is not going to happen.  This is where reading for oneself can get dicey.  Does this person wish me well?  Hell, no.  Are they actively plotting against me?  Probably.  Is that any of my business?  No, because what other people think of me isn't, and because I live my life in such a way I have no worries of anything being exposed.  I have taught all the skeletons in my closet to dance.

Since I use the Shadow Card as some information I have put far away from myself to keep from dealing with it, and I see the traditional Page of Pentacles as the ardent student, I know that I need to make sure all my ducks are in a row when dealing with this person, that research has been done, and that I am fully prepared by being knowledgeable, first and foremost, and having my physical self (with my poor health) and surroundings ready.

I apologize for the ambiguity, but as much as they don't believe this, I am NOT an enemy to this person and I very much want to respect their privacy and boundaries, but this weighs so heavily on my mind all the cards I was pulling dealt with this anyway, so I needed to deal with it.  As to whether this deep and spiritual deck answers more mundane questions well, I have a resounding, "Yes!"

These cards are from The Sirian Starseed Tarot by Patricia Cori and Alysa Bartha, published by North  Atlantic Books.