This is what I started to write when I drew these cards this morning- What these cards make me think about is the private face we all keep hidden, the ways we can't expose ourselves, but what would like to, and the public face we show to the world. The Devil card looks to me like the metamorphosis of the High Priestess, who has donned her armor. That was about as far as I got.
The way these cards played out in my day today was thus- Instead of speaking my truth, I tried to make nice, and I was miserable, which made my honey miserable, and we were all miserable. I did not want to lay myself bare, and it was not simple protection, more like wanting to come across like better than I am. The Wheel goes round and round, but sometimes we do get to decide where we are on it. Today I learned that speaking truth will always put me on the right turn of the Wheel, but denying it is the biggest dice roll of all, and the odds are on the house.
These cards are from the Victorian Romantic Tarot by Karen Mahony and Alex Ukolov at Baba Studio.
Always better to speak your truth. I could have avoided so much pain - with one person (even though I had, to a point), and throughout my life, really. I'm afraid that now I'm a bit of a blurter, to the point of obnoxiousness.
ReplyDeleteI shouldn't still be awake. I've been taking flower essences that help to ease anxiety/depression, and have felt mostly remarkably clear-headed and calm, for a change - it's been so long, it seems, that it feels like a whole new world. But did I get on with the things I felt the urge to do? Nope. It will only leave me feeling bad again, if I don't do the laundry, at least get on the treadmill, get the dog's veggies made, and it goes on... I can see myself in your cards tonight. :) I've been working through The Intuitive Way - or trying to - but I'm finding that I'm more blocked. Things she asks me/the reader to do, are things that I've done on a whim in the past (and been successful with), but to do it when asked, seems to be a problem. I don't know when I'm just going to be able to get out of my own way, like a kid. (Most kids don't sabotage themselves.)
I've had the urge to use this deck, since I saw the group reanimated at AT. I feel so guilty with it just sitting there, and I loved using it when I first received it, four years ago (I remember being so excited, knowing that it was on its way). :)
You are right, of course. I got a cosmic backhand as a reminder, that's all. I need those sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI am a big fan a flower essences. A few years ago, I was struggling with a nasty, black depression. I couldn't even do simple things, but I decided I could take the flower essences. After a few days I felt good enough to shower. A few more days and I could do a few minutes of yoga, walk in the sun a little. Another day or so and I could pick up a pen again, shuffle my cards. It all went back to the initial thing of beginning the flower essence regime. I'm glad you are feeling better! I hope all your days after this are better, even if it is bit by bit.
I have been reading Steven Pressfield at the advice of a great friend. He believes that the more we need to do something for our highest good, the more resistant we are to doing it, and that resistance can be read like a map. I know in my case, the depression/anxiety now mostly manifests as NOT doing the things I most need to, and then it likes me to harangue myself over it, building a completely darkly delicious cycle to feed itself with. I say this not to garner sympathy, but so you know you are not alone, and that other people have similar struggles. (((Angela)))
I have never loved this deck before (tarot blasphemy, I know!) but it has been very clear and gentle with me this week and I am grateful for that. I tend to be overly "precious" about my decks, too, so that contributes to me not using ones I would love to. I am glad I pulled it out. Enjoy yours as well, and thank you for your thoughtful comments!