|Llewellyn Tarot (trimmed)- Two of Pentacles, Seven of Swords, Queen of Cups|
The juggler in the Two of Pentacles is really doing the best they can, and the fox tail they sport makes me think they think they are pretty smart. And they probably are. It takes creativity and mental agility to balance love, work, kids, family, hobbies, spirituality, pleasure, rest, duty, all of that, which are represented by the balancing Pentacles. I usually think I am pretty smart, although I am not exempt from doing dumb things.
Swords are thoughts, communications, ideas, the way we talk to ourselves and others. Sometimes we tell ourselves that everything we do is necessary, that it has to happen, and sometimes we are right in this. However, for me, I often recognize that getting really busy is a way to cover up some wounding that needs healing. When I am not liking myself very much, I suddenly become inundated with things to do, from before sunrise until well after I should be sleeping. That busy-ness keeps me from doing some hard spiritual work that I need to do at times, and it often keeps me from what I am aware is my true purpose. The particular imagery of this card, the way the Seven Swords are dispersed, I see that I have five real truths in my mental backpack, one task that I can pass on to someone else to help with by the Sword being carried by the child (this is why my kids have to help with household chores! They live here, too, and very well, I might add...) and at least one thing I am telling myself I need to leave behind as not serving my highest purpose, that Sword laying there on the ground.
The Two of Pentacles and Seven of Swords are facing each other, so in this reading, for me, they are linked together. They tell a story together. The Queen of Cups is turned away from the other two cards. She sees a different way to do things. She is a motherly card, like the Queen of Pentacles I most often associate myself with, but she is not as much about getting a completely balanced meal on the table at a certain time as she is about making sure everyone gets nurtured spiritually, herself included. She urges that my creative and intuitive spirit needs separate time, time off from a hectic schedule, even if I have to carve that out, drop one Sword on the ground, in order to keep up the pace my family demands.
|Llewellyn Tarot (trimmed)- Hanged Man|
The Shadow Card, The Hanged Man, is a very telling clue what that Sword I need to leave behind is- martyrdom. That is actually a very arrogant concept anyway, the belief that I can take on everything for everyone and swoop in like a super hero to save the day for everyone, earning their undying love and gratitude. I already have their undying love, unearned, and gratitude- well, they are kids. I am trying to teach them, but it is a process, and I asked for them. They are owed a certain amount of what I do, and the rest of it comes from my undying love. I am not Super Woman (expect on some special nights for The Man's pleasure) so pretending I am is a lie, as indicated in the Seven of Swords, not to mention pretty damn arrogant.
Martyrdom is not the only meaning of the Hanged Man, but that is where intuition kicks in- I knew as soon as I saw it I have been playing a martyr to this family, when what they really need is a mother and a wife, words that do not, despite what women often tell themselves (the lie) equal martyr. So I am going to practice, starting tonight. I will go to the Little Big Man's basketball game, I will cheer when appropriate, but I will also take my journal and work on some projects all my own in between. He doesn't need my eyes fixed on him at all moments. He'll be a rock star no matter what, and I'll feel less resentful if I can both be there for him and myself.
These cards are from The Llewellyn Tarot by Anna-Marie Ferguson, published by Llewellyn. I carefully released mine from the borders, but they are quite pretty, as borders go.