Tuesday, February 14, 2012

About half the people I read for want me to tell their fortune.  I think this is a fun way to spend some time, and I do think tarot cards are accurate for this purpose, with the caveat that they give a snapshot of a moment in time, and sometimes just glimpsing the future causes us to change the outcome.  Also, I am human, and fallible.  I won't do a reading I cant give my all to, but I make occasional mistakes.  The right cards come up, but sometimes, like all readers, I misinterpret them.  I try not to, but it happens.  I can see this as I look over my personal journals and I learn from each mistake.  I tend to read the cards wrongly when I think I already know the answer, so if we are friends and I have not read for you when asked, this is the most likely reason.  I try to let go of my bias, but am not always able to.

A small percentage of people are just testing me, and I usually figure that out pretty fast.  I then give them the opportunity to change their mind and have the reading, or I politely decline to do the reading and hand their money back.  I want to help the people that need my readings, not convince skeptics.

The rest of my sitters tend to be people who want answers, who want to explore the present or delve into the past.  I am not a therapist, but a tarot reading can often be a faster form of figuring out what you really need in order to move forward. You lay the cards, and instantly see areas of blockage and emotional frustration, where traditional talk therapy can take several sessions to build trust and start to reveal issues.

Aquatic Tarot- Death
I am thinking about this subject tonight because I am considering exploring a past relationship for myself with cards.  My sisters' father passed away today, and I am sad for them, and sad for him, that he never seemed to quite get it together, that peace was elusive for him.  I am not grieving for me, though, because I decided a long time ago to cut some ties in my life, and the relationship with my own mother and him was one of the things I decided was unsalvageable, and I have never looked back.  Instead of trying to force my blood family into being the kinds of people I wanted them to be, which surely would have been an exercise in frustration for all of us, I decided to work on making myself the kind of person I wanted to be, to raise my kids the best way I know how, and sometimes that has come from having a clear "NO" example to work from.  I decided to become the kind of woman who would attract the kind of man who wanted the same kind of family I have always longed for, and while it's a work in progress, I feel I have been fairly successful in this.  I really do have it all- brilliant, loving kids, a kind and adoring husband, work that challenges and fulfills me, and I am lucky.  I desperately want strong family ties, and almost my whole life is built around creating traditions and a value system for my children that encourage that for them.  I believe in creating my own fortune, and am doing so, day by day.

I have chosen to not pursue relationships with some members of my family not because I am a cold, vindictive bitch who doesn't love anyone, but because I am a warm and loving person who would turn the entire world inside out for my children's best interests, and a sensitive one who feels hurts soul deep.  I firmly believe forgiveness is necessary, but does not require that you allow people to continue to hurt you.  I have always wished my parents well, and my siblings, even the ones I am not close to.  I love them, but I chose to step off the sick cycle carousel.

It has been brought to my attention, both on this sad day and before, that my siblings may not have experienced our shared childhood in the same way I did.  I have two brothers and three sisters, that's six of us all together, and my stepfather had a whole mess of kids, as well, two of which I was close to as a young teenager.  That is a whole lot of people, and in trying to understand I have realized that even though we were all there, all experiencing the same thing, we did not perceive it in the same way.  Each person's perception  really is their reality, isn't it?

Tarot comes into this because through the lens of the cards we can explore the sometimes murky waters of our pasts, and pull forth nuggets of truth we can grasp onto.  The creative force that places the card, which I call God, or Goddess, depending on my level of subversiveness on a given day, never gives us things we can't deal with, which means some are held back, while some are revealed, and we are given the tools to deal with them.

Tarot can help us sift through the debris of a difficult relationship.  We can ask the cards what the lesson to learn was.  We can ask for reminders of good memories so that we can experience positivity that may have been lacking.  We can rewrite the pages of our own history in a way that allows us to process our pain and our joy and all the moments in between.

Aquatic Tarot- Eight of Pentacles
When I asked something positive I could know to be true about the relationship between my stepfather and I, the Eight of Pentacles appeared.  He worked with his hands, and he worked hard.  He took on the responsibility of caring for children that were not his own.  He made that commitment and took it seriously.  When I relate the card to its' corresponding trump, Strength (VIII) I can see that was a form of battling some of his inner demons, and there were times he won.  He adored my baby sisters, who were his, and I remember the light in his eyes when one of them would toddle up to him and call him Daddy.  I think he did the best he could with my mother, and I think he was as willing to love me as I was willing to let him and return the love.  The man in this card is a craftsman, comfortable in his trade, so I can see that my stepfather was at home in his role and felt good about it.  He worked on our relationship, and there was more work to be done that could have improved it further.  As adults, I share an equal responsibility for choosing to not invest the essential energy in the relationship.

Now, no longer having the luxury of that time, I wish him peace, and I wish peace for my siblings.  I thank him for the lessons, I thank him for his physical presence, thank him for the love and for the his efforts.  I hope he gets to go fishing every day now, and walk all around in the big sunshine, outdoors where he was happiest.  I know in the presence of the Divine he will know, all the way to the depths of his soul, the kind of love that he always seemed to searching for, and I am happy for that.






2 comments:

  1. Thank you, Manda, for this post. It makes me want to pull out a deck and *talk* with my Dad, who died two years ago. I don't think I've been ready to do so until now.

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  2. I don't think I was ready to talk to him, either, but I think my siblings needed to hear that I see more than the rough stuff. I hope you have peace and love if you decide to pull any cards. (((hugs)))

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