Daily Draw - Four of Wands, The Chariot, & The Lovers

I just got such a case of the warm fuzzies when I pulled these three cards today. They seemed to be writing such a pretty little story. I was heartened because I just didn't want to go to work sooo much this morning. It fairly consistently gets tougher and tougher. But I fairly consistently keep on going even though I know I should be moving on, so I make my own bed and continue to lie in it.


However, I digress and look to my happy reading. I did not assign positions to the cards so that they could just tell me a story. Here I see the solid foundation, built on joy, of the Four of Wands, driving me with the cool confidence of The Chariot, towards the wholeness expressed in The Lovers. That's it for 4 am. That's the best I can do *sleepy grin*

This is of course, not the only way the cards could be read, but that is what I saw. I see that continuously cultivating an environment of joy and gratitude is furthering my journey to where I want to be - whole, complete, content.

Incidentally, even though I am simply adoring this deck on the whole, these might be my least favorite Lovers. The Chariot is my Life Path card, and this is one of the favorites of mine to depict it. I really like the feminine presence, and she is just so very sure of herself.





These images are from Touchstone Tarot by Kat Black for Kunati.

Daily Draw - Eight of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, The Empress

This morning I used a simple three card spread from The Tarot Bible by Sarah Bartlett. This is a fabulous book for spreads and such, and it helps figure the meanings of cards in their positions, if you struggle with that, but as with all books that list meaning, I suggest beginners not look at them at all until they have a journal full of recordings of their own impressions. Book meanings are excellent to shore up one's personal definitions, but the cards should always reflect the reader because that is the way to truly read them, and not just recite some memorized words. It is a slower, but much more satisfying way to learn!

The spread is simply called Daily Practice, Card For The Day. The first card is Card For The Day (the important aspects of the day ahead) - Eight of Pentacles.

I am endlessly pleased to note that though this gentleman is hard at work on his project, paying infinite attention to the details of it, he has a book laid to the side, marked and ready to pick up when he has a spare moment to read. Reading IS work for writers, as is daydreaming, and staring off into space. There is a fine line between procrastinating and using those tools productively, and for sure I cross it from time to time, but this card is reminding me today to pay good and close attention to my writing projects, but also to take time to do the other things that are part of it. I could sit here at the keyboard forever but that will not necessarily net me more output.

This is also a reminder to keep on keeping on with the work I have been putting into making my home a writer's haven, and the personal work I am doing on myself to let myself flow creatively. I hate, hate, hate doing an exercise called Morning Pages, in which you are supposed to freehand write three pages of whatever comes into your mind, for however long it takes. I despise this activity, but I need to keep doing it. My hands hurt and I am writing inane things that I am never going to want to read again, but that is the point - to get it out so it is not cluttering up the ol' creativity pipes. I don't have to like it, though.

Attend To This (personal issues that will require attention) - Knight of Swords.

Be still, my heart. This single image might be the entire reason I chose this deck at all. His burning intensity is right up my alley, and I adore this image. I might have it blown up poster size and put it on my bedroom wall like he was a New Kid On The Block back in the day. (*sigh* Joey...) Just kidding! Maybe...

Anyway, the Knight of Swords is all about analytical thought and logic in action. He is handsome, to be sure, but is he feeling? I should be careful today of letting my head rule my heart and making impulsive decisions that seem logical on the surface but do not take into consideration my feelings and of course my intuition. He is also a truthful fellow, sometimes more than he needs to be, and this card reminds me to temper any hard truths I may have to break today with kindness and compassion.

I was thinking I would possibly let my boss know exactly what all I am thinking about how they have run a very good idea into the ground, but on second thought, maybe that is not such a good plan. He has to know that the situation is not right, and after all, it is his life savings on the line, not mine. I can walk away anytime I want and get the same, or better job, even in this economy.

What To Look Out For (feelings, desires, or reactions that could arise) - The Empress.

I particularly love this Empress. She is beautiful, and so very pregnant. There is no chance I could be pregnant (perish THAT thought) but there are probably some people in my life that could use some nurturing. It would also be good for me to attend to my projects and bring one or two of them to fruition.

I am smack in the middle of a major spurt of nesting, and that is not really surprising since I am deep in an Empress year myself. I am cooking, and cleaning, and rearranging furniture, and redecorating on my sparse budget. I have built myself a little altar and meditation space, and I have been so very careful to keep my work spaces clean and organized so that when I am writing or reading at least I am not distracted by thinking,"Oh, I should go put that away, or clean up this," or whatever else I use to procrastinate the things I really need to be doing.

In addition, with the Knight hanging around up there this card reinforces the idea that feelings matter a lot today, mine, and other people's, and to nurture them, and myself, and not feel one iota of guilt about that.

Shadow Card (the card at the bottom of the deck)- Five of Swords.

I don't know why I do this, but I always feel like the card at the bottom of the deck has something to say to me, so I peek. Like most people, I find many of the Swords difficult, this one no exception. This card, with the defeated slinking away and the main figure looking so smug and self assured, always makes me feel that he has won, but at what cost? When I see this card in my own readings, I try to look very hard at my own motivations and make sure that I am being scrupulously honest with myself and others.

As a Shadow to my reading for the day, I think that I need to be aware that sometimes people play dirty, and not everyone values honesty the same way I do. I am well aware that my bosses act pretty shady at times, and I should not be surprised if it should come back to me at times.

I am finding the Touchstone Tarot imminently readable, probable the most of all my latest batch of decks, and I am enjoying using it for my daily draws! After a few more days of working with it, I will probably post a review.




These images are from Touchstone Tarot by Kat Black for Kunati.

Artist's Path Spread

Today I decided to Explore the Artist's Path through tarot. I have done this spread about once a year for the past few years, and it actually never changes that much for me, which is disheartening because that means I am not growing or addressing the issues I need to be in order to make progress. This is a long spread over tender subject matter so I won't be offended if you choose not to read *smile*



1. THE SELF-PORTRAIT : What is your self-image of an Artist? What is your relationship with this identity?

The Devil - No surprise to me here. I think it is amazing and stupendous for other people to be artists. I am in awe of them and I am happy for them, even more so if they can make their living creating, doing something they love. As for me, however, I often view time I spend in my art as wasted. It is not making me any money and it is not adding to the children's lives in a concrete, measurable way. One of my favored ways to beat myself up is to call myself lazy and wasteful, and most of all selfish, when I spend time just reading, writing, or daydreaming, even though those are critical activities for a writer to be doing. I would never speak to a friend this way, but I hold no compunction about talking this way to myself. Sometimes I catch myself doing it and am able to change the internal dialogue, but sometimes I don't.

I am also concerned that given the opportunity, I would let myself simply fall into a pattern of wanton hedonism. Now, this is obviously not the case, because I somehow manage to keep my life in pretty good order now, and I could choose to do different things with my time and money now, but I don't, because the party lifestyle doesn't really appeal to me, but for some reason I think it might if I had the money? And possibly some small degree of fame or notoriety?

And if I get that money, or any material thing, from this art have I sold out? Is it still a sacred thing for me, or have I corrupted it for greed?

I KNOW the answers to these questions logically, but knowing something logically is not the same as feeling it in your heart.

2. THE NOW: Where are you now, while looking at your path with an Artist's eye?

Seven of Swords - Again, no surprise, especially not with the particular imagery of this card in the Deviant Moon. The performer, the artist, has the swords precariously balanced. So far, he is making it, but how long can he keep up that delicate balance? And when it falls apart as it inevitably has to, there is sure to be a disaster. He has not made a plan to deal with this possibility and I do not have a contingency plan, either. I can't not write, it destroys me, but I have not taken the steps I need to be able to write, full time. I keep trying to keep the one sword balanced on the balls of my feet while keeping the other from dropping right down my throat. The evidence of my other failures lays strewn around me. Ray Bradbury said "First you jump off the cliff and you build wings on the way down." Well, I don't know if he had kids to feed and a ravenous ex that wants to prove that he couldn't take care of them properly, but I do. I often tell myself that if it were just me I could take risks that I can't because I have three little ones that need me.

3. THE DRIVING FORCE: What is the driving force; what feeds the internal springs of your creativity?

The Chariot - Sometimes tarot has a real sense of humor. The Chariot as "driving force"...haha! The Chariot is my personality card and it does fit. I am always moving ahead, always striving for mastery and control of a situation. This is a blessing, and a curse, because that Tower Shadow card likes to remind us that we do not have control over every situation nor should we. I keep plugging away at anything I choose to do, because that is how I am. I write for a lot of the same reasons I use tarot - to give voice and reason to the internal conflicts I feel.

4. THE MUSE: What external factors or forces inspire you? What gets you going?

Two of Wands - The figure in this card is digging up, or planting, some roots. Either way, that relates to reasons I write. It is often an internal excavation of things that go on inside on the landscape of my mind. It is also planting the seeds for projects that I want to complete later. Often I write something in a day, and come back to it later, sometimes months later, and I am inspired to try again, and do more. This card shows single minded focus on his work, and that state is when I feel most myself. Feeling good in one's own skin is a powerful motivator!

5. THE BLOCK: What blocks your creativity?

Three of Cups - Well, again, this is not really a surprise. I know exactly what this card is saying to me. I like this card, it is a celebration. But, as artists, we have to be careful how much we let that take over our lives. Moderation in all things. I am hesitant to write this at all, because while I am not an alcoholic in any sense of the word, and I would hate to give that impression, I promised myself to be completely honest here, with myself, and my readers. There are times when I have had a glass of wine or two, and honestly, what I have written is just effing brilliant. However, there are just as many times when it is complete rubbish and I have lost an evening to the haze of the wine. I also realize how dangerous it is to be dependent on any single thing to produce. So, if I have to give up my dinner wine on nights I need to write well, that is a small price indeed.


6. THE BLOCK AT WORK: When you're blocked, what do you do instead of creating? How do you spend (or squander) your time?

Seven of Wands - I like the imagery of this card, as I have mentioned in previous blogs. The little girl is frantic, rushing out of the forest she was lost in. The card alludes to confidence, faith in oneself to save oneself, and I think by this point in the reading it should be apparent that I don't have a lot of that, not in this area. There are lots of places where I am pretty sure I am all that, but my faith in myself as a writer is weak. I spend a lot of my time lost in a forest of self doubt, but if I would just be calm and look for the answers, or even just feel my way around in the dark, I would find my way out. Instead I get frantic and allow my anxiety to start whispering, then shouting, ugly things in my ear and I just run around in chaos, in my head at least.

7. THE MONEY: What are your views on the relationship between Creativity and Money?

Ace of Pentacles - While this should be a very favorable card in this position, for me it's not. This Ace is a ferocious dragon, who never scared me before, but I have the distinct feeling of fear as I look at him now. Aces should be good omens, especially the Ace of Pentacles in a question about money. But so many of my fears revolve around not having enough of it, and that is not even for me, but more for my kiddos. I am worried that I cannot have both my creativity and money, that it has to be a choice. Again, I know logically, in my head, that this is not true, but we are not dealing with logic, people.

8. THE PRICE: What you need to give up in order to pursue your Artist's path?

Ten of Swords - This figure seems like they are in a completely hopeless situation, trapped in a box of sharp swords stabbing through the box they are in. I need to stop seeing myself that way. I am not trapped at all, except by the box I put myself into, and at any point I can get up and get out of there. Those aren't real swords at all. They are fake ones that my fear and anxiety has created, but my confidence and courage will make them dissipate.

I also tend to see this card as a person acting a bit overly dramatic, and I do have a tendency to do that. Just be calm, these cards seem to be murmuring to me in a soothing voice.

Further, I KNOW the situation at my work has to be over, but because I am so worried about the money, I have not been listening to the quiet prompts of Spirit. I could be building myself a Tower situation by not willingly taking the steps I need to now, instead waiting to be forced into change.

9. NEXT STEP: What you need to do next, to make sure you walk forth down the creative path you've chosen?

Nine of Swords - Here is the humor of tarot coming out again. I am currently in the process of making a large and deeply personal tarot journal for myself. I was ruminating on this card today, wondering how I could cast it in a positive light, or even as advice, when it is so clearly a card of negative connotations. I think the message for me here is that there is such a thing as productive worrying. Instead of taking matters into my own hands, I have kinda been haphazardly trying to let things unfold as they will. There is a time and a place for that method, but there is also a time and a place for careful planning and constructive consideration of a project. Also, I spend so much time worrying about things that are really just phantoms that my energy is consumed and I am not doing a good job of paying attention to what I need to in order to do well at this. So, in short, start worrying about the important things and let the rest fall away like chaff from the wheat.

10. THE ARTIST CARD: After dealing the nine cards of the Artist's Path spread but before reading it, place The Artist card as a Significator at the end of the spread (S). This card is You. Accept your creative powers and responsibilities, and your Artist's Path ahead will be clear.

The Star - I did not consciously choose this card, which acts as the Significator for the reading, but let the cards fall where they would. I do not own the deck this spread was created for, but I believe it has a special card that is supposed to signify the querent as Artist. I don't think I could have gotten a much more positive, encouraging card in this position, though! As much as I struggle, as much as I fall away from the path sometimes, hope springs eternal for me. I keep trying, striving, hoping, going for my dreams. Regardless of what happens for me, as a writer I gain insight and healing from the process of it, and at the end of the day, we all just want to be whole.

As I mentioned earlier, I have many of the same cards in similar positions in previous readings with this spread, but I am actually greatly heartened by this reading. The Major Arcana cards I see as positive ones, so that means I have control over changing the Minor Arcana that I am not best pleased with to what I see as a better path forward.





These images are from the Deviant Moon tarot by Patrick Valenza for US Games.

PDR - Light and Shadows Spread

I have done the Light and Shadows spread, like so many of the others in the PDR group over at AT using my beloved, quirky-creepy Deviant Moon tarot.

.........5
.....4..1..2
........3

1. Significator
2. The Light (the light card will be placed to the left or the right, depending on which way the significator is facing)
3. How you sometimes move into the shadow
4. The Shadow
5. How you can move further into the light.

I have to admit to being completely confuzzled by my cards.



Okay, I did not pick a Significator, letting the deck choose for me, which was the Two of Swords. These Siamese twins are locked in battle, which is fruitless, because they can't get away from each other and their energy would be better suited to cooperation than fighting. I can relate to this card because so many times I feel torn by what I should do, and what I need to do, and what I want to do, and sometimes they get so tangled up and I get so confused that I just do nothing, which is not the proper way to live life. Perfectionism is itself a form of procrastination because if you put off doing things because it won't be perfect you will never get anything done, because life by it's very nature is never perfect.

The Light - The Wheel of Fortune. The querent in this card looks absolutely terrified about what is about to happen when the Wheel spins. I think we can all be that way, and myself especially. I have not been diagnosed, but I probably have a mild case of OCD. It is very important for me to have my days structured the same, my things in the same spot and that I plan well in advance for deviations from that structure. I am definitely not an impulsive type. My personal shadow card is The Tower, but I think that I need to start understanding that changes are good, they are part of growth, and that it is all part of a master plan that I can trust in.

How you sometimes move into Shadow - Two of Pentacles. This image was not hard for me to interpret at all! I often take on too many projects, for work, home, school, the kids, art, friends, family, and I get overwhelmed and then I just give up on all of it. I end up juggling so many things, and not really doing any of them properly and out of sheer frustration I just let some of them go. If I would properly concentrate on the few that are most important to me, I would have more peace in my life.

The Shadow - Ten of Cups. Now I am starting to get confused with the spread. I often associate this card with my kids as it portrays a happy family. I think we are a happy family, but it could be that this card warns me to juggle my family less and the other things more. These are the only munchkins I am ever going to have, and although it is sad for all of us that our family did not end up the way we thought it would we still ARE a family that loves each other to pieces. Sometimes I still get lost in sadness that I am no longer a stay at home mom, wife to a loving husband, or beloved in law. Those labels are part of my past, and maybe someday part of my future, but they are not who I am now, and I mourn that fact.

How you can move further into the light - Four of Pentacles. Now, this is not a very reassuring image. A skeletal woman leads a rich man away as he clutches his coins to his chest, looking over his shoulder in terror. What could be so scary behind him that this gruesome figure is a preferable alternative? Being careful with my money is going to be a good way to be assured that I can take care of my kids, make them the number one priority, and still be able to pursue my dreams. There are many good things in the world, but sometimes we have to give up good things for the BEST things.

After my gilt readings with my Touchstone, I was probably due for some blunt truth. None of this surprises me, but I obviously still have lessons to learn here. Getting over my hesitancy to change will probably be a lifelong struggle, and balancing love and money is one we all go through daily.





These images are from the Deviant Moon by Patrick Valenza for US Games.

Daily Draw - Ace of Wands

This morning I was greeted by an angel for my daily draw - the Ace of Wands from the Touchstone Tarot. I love the bright expectation of the Aces most of the time, and today is no exception. This Ace is the one of fiery intensity, bursting creativity, and dynamic energy. I can relate this to my daily life because I need to cultivate a bit of that just now. I know what I need to be doing with my life, I am just having trouble balancing that with the need to buy new kicks for kids, keeping them fed reasonably well, and keeping a roof over our heads.

Through working on The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron I have discovered that I have the belief that writers are poor and have to pursue their craft on the sidelines, that I don't feel confident in my abilities to make a living doing something I love. I have the ingrained belief that you have to suffer at your work, and that sitting here, clacking away at the keyboard, is not real work at all, and it is preposterous that I should get paid for it. In my heart I know this is not true, and if I were advising a friend on these matters I would never speak so harshly to them. I would encourage them to follow their dreams, because at the end of the day, that is all any of us really has. We get one go-round at this life and I while taking care of the kidlettes is the absolute priority, I doubt I will look back at the end and be proud of the years I have held myself back from doing what I really needed to do.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain

Several weeks ago, I dreamt repeatedly about the Three of Wands, live and in living color. I felt the cool sea air against my skin. My nostrils were full of the tangy salt smell, and the sunshine warmed my face as I looked out over the harbor. I watched in eager anticipation as the ships glided into the harbor. At the time, I did not know why I was dreaming so vividly about this one card, one that I have not studied thoroughly and not one I particularly feel drawn to, generally speaking. But as time goes by I am starting to understand more. If I had dreamt of the two, it may have represented an urgent longing to do something about it, but no, it was the three, and that makes all the difference. I hesitate because I am scared, of not making enough money, of not being able to care for my kids, of being crazy, and drunk, and unstable, and most of all, more than any of that, that I do not have something important enough to say that anyone will want to read it, or that I will have these beautiful ideas trapped, unable to find the words that release them. But letting fear control me should not be an option, and my slew of positive cards assure me that no matter the outcome, I can have assurance that I am going to be okay. Better than okay. Fantastic even!

It is my true belief that God, or Spirit, or however you call the Creative Lifeforce of the Universe, puts deep desire on our hearts because those things are part of His plan for us, and His plans are good for us because He is not the angry deity looking down from some far off perch for something to punish. He is the patient Father who loves us tenderly, and the sweet Mother who stays up all night worrying for us, and He wants our success, our joy, and our fulfillment. It's just that He wants us to know those things flow from Him. In that belief, I am so very grateful for the constant reassurances I am given, the gentle prodding, and the not so gentle pushes, when I need that. In tarot I have found the way that I understand God's language the best, and I have found a way to bring forth all those things that I couldn't name before.

"The place that God calls us is that place where the world's deep hunger and our deep desire meet." ~Fredrick Buechner

I know that we all walk our own spiritual path and it is my deep desire to not give any offense by calling God "God" and "Him". I actually believe that in the trinity unit of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, that Spirit, the One that rests upon the earth, the One that causes things to happen, the One whose touch we can feel on our lives in the most intimate way, is the Divine Feminine aspect of God. I think that most people who call themselves Christian have earned a scornful look from the rest of the world, but I strive very hard to not pass judgment on others, or to insist that I know the right way. I only know the right way for me, and while I take the Bible as truth, I do not take it as the only truth. I am a Christian, not an ignorant *grin*




If anyone is interested in The Artist's Way, which I believe is helpful for everyone Beth Owl's Daughter is blogging very perceptively about the process of it, with an invitation to join her!


These images are from the Touchstone Tarot by Kat Black for Kunati.

Touchstone Tarot Says Hello!

Today I drew the Nine of Cups, which I am showing from the Radiant Rider Waite I use daily, and Tarot of the New Vision, because I like the behind the scenes glimpses it offers. Too cute! We all want to see the Nine of Cups with it's message of happiness and contentment. the chubby little ones in the New Vision make me smile so much. I wish my kids were little like that again!

I just wanted to share something fun and uplifting today! It's not PDR and I don't have any ground breaking revelations to share, but there are times when tarot is such a comfort to me.

My life is pretty up in arms at the moment. I was blessed enough to saved up a (little) money and that was just as well, since it turns out that my hours have been cut severely at work. That is making me nervous but it has been a blessing too to just be home with my kiddos. I have been working very hard on creating the kind of environment that will let me be an actual artist so that has all been to the good.

I was leafing through my Touchstone Tarot today just looking at pictures really, but it seemed like it wanted to talk, so I shuffled and said, "Okay, tell me whatever you have in mind."


I chuckled when I saw the Nine of Cups, because that was my daily draw card today. I don't know why because it has been a very laid back day, with nothing exciting happening at all, but that is actually how I like my days - easy, and mostly the same, so that is definitely a wish come true for me! The gentlemen looks very relaxed and self possessed. I was relaxed today, and actually spent most of it re-reading an old favorite book.

The Wheel of Fortune often makes me feel a bit nervous, because I don't like things to change very much if I can help it (exciting I know), but with the Star's appearance at the end I felt that whatever large change is heading my way is going to be one that brings me more hope, and more healing. I think that these cards speak to me following my own pleasure in life, which revolves around my home and my writing, will increase my fortune and help me to realize my dreams, which are not that big, really. Just my moppets and my honey and a pad and a paper. And a deck or two (dozen) of course. Oh yeah and the dog. My little sweetheart.

Maintaining a state of gratitude is very important for my spiritual path and I am so very thankful for these light hearted, hopeful cards this evening. I might have missed their message too, if I hadn't followed the impulse to lay out cards I only intended to fondle a little.

I am a bit of a deck collector, and I pretty much get everything new that comes out and add older decks as I come across them and feel drawn. Most of them that I have I would not part with, because even if they do not call me to use them now I think the time will come when they will. I am very happy that I got the Touchstone in both versions. The one scanned here is the mass market, and it is completely lovely, with an excellent booklet and a great hinge box for storage. It definitely comes with my seal of approval!





These images are from the Touchstone Tarot by Kat Black for Kunati.

A judge, a mermaid, and an angel with a sword walk into a bar...

Thanks to the lovely, insightful, and very fun Lisa for her Intentions Spread, which has become my PDR reading for this week using my Deviant Moon.

As background, she has said the spread is meant to be used at the start of a new relationship. Well, I am not at the start of a new relationship, but I am at what I see as a new start in one that has been off and on for about two years.



1. His intentions - the Four of Wands. Well, one could hardly ask for a more auspicious card in this place! The couple has their hands locked, entwined with gorgeous ivy vines. Their new home, built solidly on four wands, awaits them in the background. The moon shines it's bright light on the couple, blessing them and their life together. Fours are about stability and wholeness, something I crave deeply. This makes sense because the talk of moving forward has included deep conversations about we each expect from our domestic lives, and what steps we are willing to take to get there. This has not been an on and off relationship for lack of love, but rather for technical difficulties in actually being together. To this point, we have not lived together, but we are considering it at this moment. I am so relieved to see that is what he truly intends to do, rather than just telling me that because he thinks that is what I want. He is not dishonest with me in any way, but I have some deep trust issues, and I do not doubt that he would put my wishes before his own, but I am happy to see that in this case, they coincide. After all, who doesn't want domestic bliss?

2. What attracts him to me - the Ace of Swords. This angel is fierce, ready to defend what is hers and not back down. She relates to the first card by also having the vines wrapped around her weapon and her crown. I am like that sometimes, holding whatever it is I want to achieve close to me, and never letting go. This is both a good trait and a bad trait. He sees me as someone who uses intelligence and logic to hone in on a situation and use it to emerge triumphant. I am also a writer, someone who uses words (communications) to cut straight through to the heart of the matter, and I know that he finds that very attractive, as well. (I know this by the way because of the things he tells me, teehee. It's nice to get affirmation from tarot, though.)

3. Next move - the Six of Wands. In this picture, the emerging creature accepts the accolades of those around him. He was wrapped up tight in his chrysalis, but has now come out to join the party, and he probably wonders what took him so long. My sweetheart's inner workings are not for me to discuss publicly, but I know that that the intent of the domestic harmony of the Four of Wands is causing him to go through some deep personal changes. I see him as making those changes, and soon, and that he will come out better, more complete, peaceful, and feeling pretty good about himself. Which he should. I won't insult his manliness by comparing him to a butterfly any further. *wink*

4. Higher reason/karmic link (quote from Lisa - "Shows the spiritual reason for why you have been brought together, or what you will learn from this relationship. It might also show if there is a karmic/past life link with this person. Look out for Majors in this position as a clue to whether or not you have a past life connection, and what the nature of your connection was. With the Wheel of Fortune or Justice there might still be karma to work out.") - The World. Without talking about the imagery of the card for a moment, I think that this card in this position speaks pretty compellingly about why we are so drawn to each other, despite our difficulties. I am of two minds about this, although the ideas do not necessarily need to be separate.

Recently, while using my Osho Zen deck, I asked to be shown the reason we are so linked together, because we are, no matter what difficulties we go through. The card I received was XVIII, which corresponds to The Moon, but is named "Past Lives" in the Osho Zen. I had that bone deep feeling that just says, "Yes!" and I instantly understood things differently than I had before. I am not certain of what I believe about reincarnation and past lives, but I do know that from the moment we met, we have had a deep, strong, and nearly inexplicable connection, that has thus far proved unbreakable. I have always meant to explore that aspect further, but you can't do everything at once, can ya?

My second mind about the card is that it shows a completeness, something that I know I lack when he is not in my life, and that I think he does, too. To be together on a permanent basis would be a victory over a long, hard situation, and definitely the end of one cycle and the beginning of a new one. The two ideas can go together quite nicely, I think, that we have unfinished business (hell, we have unfinished business in THIS life, let alone another *grin*) and that truly, to quote Jerry Maguire, "You complete me."

I get a real sense of joy from this card, this teal-tressed mermaid dancing (quite an accomplishment when one has no legs). I particuarly enjoy her moves with the fire capped batons. I can almost imagine her doing a silly little dance on par with a football player's touchdown jig.

5. Hopes and fears - the Seven of Wands. A panicked young thing rushes through the woods. It seems to me that she has found her way out. I much prefer this image to the RWS with a young man fighting off many staves with just his one. In the Deviant Moon, I feel that you can see she has overcome the odds, while in the RWS, I always worry that the young man might not. Of course, there is a time to overcome and a time to be defeated, so that is not wrong thinking or symbolism. But since I love this man, and I want to be with him, I prefer to see her as successful.

There are a lot of reasons that we have not been successful as a couple in the past, but most of them center around fear, both mine and his. This position is meant to reflect the other person's hopes and fears, so I do not want to reveal more than he would like me to, so I will just say that he is afraid of fear paralyzing him to the point of not being able to go ahead and and be that triumph in the Six of Wands. I think he is also deeply afraid of disappointing me by not being able to do so. What I think of him means a lot to him, and I can't seem to make him understand that I just love him, and I would never be disappointed by him.

Additionally, we face, together, and separately, a lot of challenges to be together, and sometimes those challenges really seem overwhelming to both of us. I believe it speaks to the deep love we share that we continue to try, depsite the obstacles. But really, is any other love worth having?

6. Outcome (what the relationship will look like this time next month) - Justice. Looking back to The World card, I think that we still have decisions to make to be able to get to that complete feeling, whether we find it together, or separately. The Justice figure holds two swords at equal heights, while he squashes a disgusting fish. His keys rattle around at his waist, and he waits impassively.

Justice can often mean getting what you deserve, and honestly, I think we both deserve that soft place to fall that comes with a good relationship. I also am in the middle of a legal concern with my children's father, and the outcome of that will affect our ability to be together as well, since I have to be able to move with the children to do so. (As a side note, if the children's father was someone I thought would be a blessing in their lives, I would not even consider moving them, despite my wishes. I have not spoken much about him, but he was violent with me, unkind to them, and when they are in his care he rarely spends time with them, more often leaving them with his girlfriend, who they do not like, or family members whose care is questionable. I have had to pull my children out of drunken brawls that have occurred at his home. There are two sides to every story, but this is MY blog, and frankly I have decided that trying to understand THE EX is a waste of my time. I find it a better use of my resources to figure out why I was in the relationship, and how I contributed to the mess that it was.)

I think that, for the purposes of this reading, in a month's time we will still be weighing our options and not doing much else in the relationship, despite what either of us really wants. I will check in on April 5 with this and see where we are!

I think that the profusion of Wands (three in a six card spread) speaks to the fiery, passionate nature of our relationship. Boring it is not! I am also intrigued by the two majors in their positions. I might have preferred to see the domestic bliss card (Four of Wands) in the outcome position, but I am walking away from this reading feeling very positive, and extremely proud of my honey. There are other decks that are suited specifically to questions of love, and I seriously considered pulling one of them, like the Lover's Path, out to do this, but one of the reasons I post rarely with the Deviant Moon, despite it being my deck of choice, is that often what comes out hits really close to home, and I am reluctant to share. If you read this blog, though, you know that it must get really deep, because I am not too shy about what I write! One of the things that tarot has given me is a way to express my feelings and understand them better, and that alone is worth more than it's weight in gold (that means all my decks and books haha).






These images are from the Deviant Moon by Patrick Valenza for US Games, the Osho Zen tarot, and the Radiant Rider Waite.