Friday, March 19, 2010

Daily Draw - Double Nines!

Here I am, wishing and hoping and thinking and praying, planning and dreaming... (extra points if you can name that song)

Seriously though, daydreaming, just staring off into the clouds, moments of solitude where one can be lost deep in their fantasies, is important to work to a writer, or anyone creative.  It matters.  this was something I could never convince The Ex of, which is part of why he is an ex, I suppose.

My anxiety is much soothed by things being the much the same from day to day, by my house being clean and organized, by having the comforts of my herbal tea being in reach and warm bread about to come out of the oven.  That is my good place, my working place, where things can happen for me and whee I am happy.

The Nine of Swords depicts another process of thought, the one that is full of anxiety and worry.  Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked, money don't grow on trees.  I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed.  There ain't nothing in this world for free. I know I can't slow down, I can't hold back, though you know, I wish I could.  No there ain't no rest for the wicked, until we close our eyes for good.  (More points for naming THAT song, too.)

When I can manage my anxiety well, I am much more that first girl.  When it's beating me up, much more the second, laying bed all night, wide awake though it will kill me the next day, my thoughts chasing after each other like mangy dogs after rumbly pick up trucks on a lonely dirt road.

I try to stay in the frame of mind of the first, but I am aware the second is my nemesis, possibly lifelong.

These cards are from the Maat Tarot by Julia Cuccia-Watts.

1 comment:

  1. I love that song...Dusty Springfield.

    And yes...anxiety and self-doubt are also my enemies.