Here is my ugly anxiety. Are you tired of hearing about it yet? Because I sure am tired of living with it.
This card is one that often shows up when I am grappling with worries that I know are not real, I do, and I get so frustrated with myself because I know that I am wasting precious energy on things I can't change, nor is it even really my place to, at times, and then I am sapped of energy to be effective where I actually could make a difference. Then I am emotionally drained and weak and vulnerable.
It's an ugly cycle.
What is the source of my anxiety today? The Fool. Fear of the unknown, and having to walk so close to the edge of that cliff. Some Fools are sure they can fly, but I am not necessarily one of those. I am not very comfortable with not knowing where I am going or how I am getting there. One of the ways I deal with my anxiety is to make every day as close to the same as I can. I like to putter around my house and just be at home, and the Fool in tarot is not at home, and he is not doing the same thing day after day. That is both exhilarating and terrifying for me to imagine.
I am on the cusp of something, the edge of a cliff, if you will, and although I know it will be good for me in the long run, in the short term I am having a hard time managing the details, and I hate that feeling.
How can I address this problem? Nine of Cups. To me, this card means taking care of myself. It's okay for me to control the things I can, if it helps me to let go of what I can't. I get comfort from routine, from stacking the cups just so, and then admiring them. I also do better when I can cook, and write, and read, and meditate, and get my yoga in. All of those things take time away from my moppets, and I often feel guilty for them, but there should be no shame in taking those pieces of time for myself.
These cards are from the Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin.
I am not a visual artist. The creators of the decks I use are. I try very hard to give proper credit to the artist when I use an image.
My most oft used deck on this blog is the Deviant Moon Tarot, created by Patrick Valenza and published by U.S. Games Systems, Incorporated. Check out his site to buy some fantastic Deviant Moon stuff, or a deck of your own!
A lovely, but digital only, Rider Waite Smith clone deck is the Aquatic by Andreas Schroter. You are allowed to downlaod and use the images.
They also make me tell you that readings are for entertainment purposes only. I'll tell you on my own that if you change your life based on a few cards something is not right there.
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“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” ~Ashley Smith~
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi~
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.” ~Marianne Williamson~
“Your daily life is your temple and your religion. When you enter into it take with you your all.” ~Kahlil Gibran~
"First you jump off the cliff and you build wings on the way down." ~Ray Bradbury~
“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” ~C.S. Lewis~
"Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love." ~Rainer Maria Rilke~