Monday, December 5, 2011

Daily Draw - Eight of Swords, Queen of Cups, Knight of Cups

Deirdre of the Sorrows Tarot- Eight of Swords, Queen of Cups, Knight of Cups
These are a melancholy set of cards today, or maybe it is just me.

I don't generally air a lot of my dirty laundry on my blog, although I am pretty open when I write.  Mainly I think if you just don't have any dirty laundry to air you don't have to worry about it, and I work very hard on living my life in such a way I would have no issues with anyone seeing the way I live, truly, even when no one is watching.

Even so, no one gets out of any relationship alive, not wholly as they were before, and I understand that my perspective is only one when I discuss these relationships.  If the other people want to share they should write a blog.

Currently we are dealing with a set of custody orders that is very old and extends back to when my stepkids were toddlers, over ten years ago.  At one time, their mother was a little more lenient about allowing extra time with their father, my husband, when his schedule allowed for it.  I was not around for the breakdown of this situation and I cannot comment as to why it may have happened, but I just know that now it is a holy living terror to try to adjust anything about the scheduling, and since we have a houseful of teenagers and almost teens, scheduling is a big deal and changes every week for them.  It seems like the only solution is to go to court and ask for an amendment, which makes me sad for the kids.  Going to court will put the kids in a position of feeling like they have to choose, and that should not at all be the case.  They should get both parents equally, without any guilt being laid upon them, and although I can't claim to be unbiased, I feel they are being pressured and made to feel guilty.  I also know that getting the court to say the kids go here at blah blah blah time and here at blah blah blah time will not address the changing needs of teenagers and all of us, including their mother, as a changing family, and I really just wish the adults would make a commitment to parent the kids where the kids need it, and not where the parents feel their rights are.

These are excellent young men, who love their mama, and who love their dad.  I know both of their parents love them.  I see my husband in the first card, worried and brooding, looking towards the broken part of his family, with the kids' mom in the second card, who the Queen resembles on her good days, and my younger stepson, with the tousle of dark hair, who plays at his mother's feet, the two of them taking delight in each other, which they should, but leaving my husband and other stepson out of their exchange.  Far off, in the third card, is my older stepson who is turned away from everyone in the picture and possibly only going further, because he does not feel he has a safe place to voice his true feelings.  There is a lotus, a symbol for beautiful things that grow out of muck and ugliness, so all is not lost for him.

I hate even saying this, but I am so pissed at the adults in the cards.  I hate saying it because I love my husband and want to always be his staunchest supporter.  I hate saying it because I want to respect and admire my stepsons mom, and I can't right now.  The man hurts, and he looks upon the pain of the sons, but does nothing because he feels like he can't affect any real change, which is the message of the Eight of Swords.  The mother as Queen of Cups is not truly engaged with her child, but just holds him there as an emotional lever, one of the lowest expressions of the energy of this court card.  The getting older by the moment older son as Knight of Cups has no place for all his water to flow, and so he heads anywhere he can dump that Cup, and in this instance it is clearly away from his parents.  The Knight is full of emotions and he has no voice.

Deirdre of the Sorrows Tarot- Justice
As the shadow card of this reading, Justice makes her solemn appearance.  She is the underlying reason for all of this.  Both adults think they have the right of it, and neither is going to budge without intervention from the court.  Justice is a great thing, and one we should strive for, but sometimes the need for justice outweighs the compassion we should be feeling for other people, and in this case it truly is innocents who are suffering, kids who should be worried about getting their homework done and who they want to ask to the next dance, thinking about Magic cards and getting their license, not worrying about if their mother is going to lose her shit if they express a desire to see their dad more.  The kids need fluidity and a schedule that adjusts to their needs, and they are not going to get it as long as lady Justice has to dispense her specialty ala King Solomon and the baby has to be cut in half to ensure each parent gets their ever so precious rights.  One thing most people don't consider is this- there are times when gaining your rights keeps someone else from having theirs.  This is such a time.  The boys' mom is technically within her rights to deny extra time with their father, but in doing so she is infringing on the boys' right to see their father and their fathers' right to equally parent the children.  And it appears court, because apparently her compassion and common sense have to be court mandated, is the only option.  Justice is usually a card we want to see in readings that have anything to do with legal proceedings, since it offers promise of a just reward, but here she is cold, and I do not want coldness to touch my family.

Deirdre of the Sorrows Tarot- Temperance
Because this is not my situation to affect, only to deal with the aftermath when I see my husband and kids hurting, I feel like I need another card to offer me advice.  What is the best thing I can do to help a positive outcome for everyone?  Temperance, the angel of mercy, the card of git 'er done, and doing so with a deft touch and a light hand.  I see both sides of this situation, because I have custody issues of my own to contend with, and I also understand why the boys' mom holds such animosity for my husband.  I don't condone it or agree with it, but I do understand her.  I also see my husband, and how much he wants to be there for his kids as much as he can, and how much he has both not been allowed to and not pushed for it.  And most of all, I see my stepsons, who are in the middle.  They are young men, and young men benefit so much from strong father figures as they learn to become strong men themselves.  They are young men who love their mama, and are highly aware of how they affect her emotions.  They are young men who are not always sure of their place in this family, and who I want to be assured of it.  My place in this situation is to lightly tread, to offer healing where it is accepted, to continuously be calm and steady and light.  Keep the love and compassion flowing from one cup to the other.  It's all I can do.

The Majors are the most important aspects of this reading.  The man can stop brooding and start taking action, the woman can shift her emotions to the most positive side of the Queen of Cups, empathic and nurturing, and the Knight of Cups can turn around and find his place.  The Minors are not set in stone.  What is troubling is that it seems the need for Justice may not ever trump the need for peace for these two, and that will extend to me, as well as my children, all of them, those I birthed and those I chose, so I have to become the creatrix of peace within my own domain and where I can affect change.  I will love my husband and I will love our kids, and I will love the baby mama, and to the extent she will allow me to she can experience that love and compassion.  I am aware that my husband is not able to extend it, but I am, so I do.  I can create a home that is fragrant with the love he and I share, the love we have for the kids, with gratitude for their mother, with desire to all live to highest potential and be the best we can be.

My biggest reason for posting so sporadically has been that most of my readings are along this line, too personal, which I do not want to foist upon my readers, but I am coming to believe that tarot is intensely personal, and if I want to write about tarot I am going to expose myself at times.  I don't intend to monger drama, and I have said everything I wrote in this post to my husband and to his ex, who truth be known was once a close friend, via the friendship with my now husband.  She has access to this post, though I won't draw her attention to it I don't hide what I do either.  I do not intend to down on her, because in every relationship, including the one she and I shared, and share now, both parties have responsibilities and both do both good and wrong.  I really, truly hold no animosity for her, as our friendship reached its' natural conclusion so many years ago, and I hold nothing but fondness for what good times there were, gratitude for the gift of that friendship, and the wish that she always be joyful.  Life is so short, and focusing on what brings us happiness is the only thing that makes that short time worthwhile.

And, living well is ALWAYS the best revenge.

These cards are from The Deirdre of the Sorrows Tarot Deck by Deirdre O'Donoghue and Wayne McGuire, available from her website Tarot Unlocked.


  1. They are all lucky to have you there to support with your light touch and wish for healing. Here's hoping that it's enough *fingers crossed*

    As for sharing personal things, as you say, that's what the tarot is often about: personal insight. My way of dealing with the not-wanting-to-share-too-much is to define my question and the card positions. Even so, sometimes stuff comes through, but at least I have some control (or am I just kidding myself?)

    Wishing you well,

  2. This post was so thoughtfully and lovingly written, especially when you consider how difficult the topic is.

    I wish you and your family peace, love and true justice. I hope you have a lovely holiday season.