What Does This Four Want From Me?

I drew the Four of Cups again today, for the third time in a week, the fourth time in a month, so I decided it must have something to tell me that I am missing. I had better do a reading! I was using the Anna K this morning, but I want everyone to continue seeing the beauty of the Tarot of the Cloisters, so I have presented them both.

This was a three card Past, Present, Future, asking, "What do I need to know about the Four of Cups right now?"








Past- The High Priestess: The Anna K version of this card is a woman seated in darkness, studying the phases of the moon. She is turned away from the viewer. She wears somber tones, and she is utterly alone, though that does not always equate to lonely, for me, lately, it has. I have been deep in my studies, for school, of spiritual things, and of myself. I have been on a journey to discover what truly makes me happy, what really matters to me, so I can streamline my life down to those things. Of course, we all have to eat, so sometimes I find myself doing things at work that make me feel deeply the boredom and dissatisfaction of the Four of Cups. That is part of the sacrifice of learning to live authentically, and working towards the money and the dream coming together.






Present - Nine of Cups: I rather like the Anna K version of this! These people are having a party, thoroughly enjoying one another. It looks like I need to work on creating that kind of energy in my life now. The quiet of the High Priestess has passed, and now I am feeling a boredom because it is time to bring some of the raucous energy of that party into my life. The moppets certainly bring a lot of that, and funny, funny, Brother, and I am starting to know people in my new area, so I am hoping to cultivate some friendships and more joy in my life.









Future - Temperance: In the future, it will be necessary to strike a good balance between the serene and the jubilant chaos. Extremes are easy for me; balance is not. The problem I have most with the extremes is that change is also hard for me, with my Taurus sensibilities, so I tend to stay in the extreme for a long while, and I need a card to show up repeatedly to show me it's time to make the change.






These cards are from the Anna K tarot and the Tarot of the Cloisters.

Daily Draw - King of Pentacles & The Wheel of Fortune

I think it is going to be a good day at work, where I will feel comfortable and in my element, in control, and good money to be made as I head out to my required one Sunday a month shift! I am lucky because it is a Sunday when I don't have kidkins to cope with.

As usual with my court cards, I had to pull a clarifier. Stinky courts *grin*

Update: It was exactly that kind of day, which surprised me for Sunday! So thankful!

These cards are from the Anna K tarot.

Daily Draw - Seven of Swords

This is not the happiest card in the deck, for sure. This card shows a sneaky thief, taking off into the night with the hard won treasures of others, the very height of dishonesty. No matter how you slice it, this is a very distasteful card.

The only problem is, I don't know if it represents me on some level, or someone else in my life.

My first thought is it might have to do with my old work, the one where I experienced so much drama and upheaval last month. The owners do not do things on the up and up, and I will not be surprised if I arrive to pick up my last check to find out something shady is going down with it, which is unfortunate, because I need the money. But there is no use worrying about it before there is a need to worry, so I am just not going to.

The second thought is how does this relate to me? I try to be very honest in all my dealings, but perhaps this is an extra reminder to be even more so today, which I have no problem with at all.





This card is from the Anna K tarot.

Daily Draw - The Empress

I like this Empress. She looks like Gaia to me, more so than the RWS Empress, like there is a ferocity abut her if you mess with one of hers, like a mother bear, nearly.

This was a fitting card for me to pull today. It is snowing in Colorado, and I had planned to knock out a great deal of spring cleaning, but I think instead I will cook and bake all day, since there is no point to spring cleaning when it is apparently still winter here. There is a pot of black beans simmering away, and banana bread in the oven. This will make a wonderful cozy meal for moppets and Brother when everyone convenes home again.

I'm content today to be at home, Empress-ing it up.




This card is from the Anna K tarot.

Daily Draw - Four of Cups

I thought I had conquered this attitude, but no, Four of Cups showed up again today, although with a different deck.

This man is being waited on hand and foot. The ladies are trying to tempt him with all kinds of treats and good food, and he is just having none of it. He sits there, sullen, intractable, and seeming rather ungrateful. The family has a warm house, nice clothes, good food. What else could he want?

Sometimes we suffer less from a malaise of the regular sort, and more from a kind of divine discontent, in which we are looking for something, sometimes unnameable, but more. More experiences, more life, more Spirit in that life, more passion, just more.

In Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge, the authors assert that the deep desires of our hearts are there because God has placed them upon, according to His plan.

In other words, we are allowed to be discontent and even bored from time to time so that we will seek out that which we relieve our discontent, forge new pathways, look further for that something more. Some of us don't do that; preferring to be comfortably miserable than uncomfortably seeking.

So which one am I? is the question I am left with for the day.






This card is from the Anna K tarot.

Daily Draw - The Lovers

*sigh*

This is the kind of love I want for myself, one that grows old and comfortable together, stable, and that never ends. They aren't the young, naked couple from the RWS image anymore, and they aren't locked in the passionate embrace of the Deviant Moon, but they are deeply, contentedly, happily in love, still, after years.

I think this card is a promise to me today, that I will have that. I believe that we choose each deck and each card but our inner knowing does what it's supposed to do, and knows. It's hard for me to admit that I want it, because we are supposed to be okay with being single. We're supposed to put on our big girl panties and walk around like we don't want to have to fold a man's boxers or sleep with the heat turned down. For me to be true to myself, though, I have to admit that, as flawed as my marriage was, I like being a wife. I am at my best when I have someone to care for, someone to cook for, someone whose shoulders I can rub, and someone who babys me for the 15 minutes a month I need that.

While I was shuffling today, I could not decide when to stop. This card fell out. I looked at it and thought, No way, and shoved it back in the deck. There is no way I am dealing with The Lovers today. I still never actually felt the tingle, or whatever tells me to stop shuffling, but I decided enough was enough, and there it was, The Lovers, again. Okay, okay, I get it. If you are a reader of this blog, you know this happens to me fairly frequently, as recently as yesterday. I resist, Spirit continues to gently prod.

For comparison's sake here are the images from the Radiant Rider, my Prozac deck of choice (haha someone at AT called it that today and it made me laugh so hard), and the beloved, dramatic, and above all, passionate Deviant Moon.







These images are from the Anna K tarot, Deviant Moon, and Radiant Rider Waite.

Daily Draw - The Page of Swords

This is from the Anna K tarot (highly recommended, go get one!), and it was another one of my insistent cards. I absolutely despise dealing with court cards. They reliably embarrass me when they come up in a reading, and I was just too tired to deal with this one when I drew it, so I put it back, put the deck away for a while, and came back to it later, while I waited for my pancakes to be delivered at IHOP. By which I mean, I shuffled again and hoped for something "easier". Nope, haha, tarot!

The Page of Swords is my Floppy Hair child. This particular one even resembles him physically, with his beautiful alabaster skin (though I am forbidden to gush over his beauty at his almost 14 year old status) and dark, dark hair in contrast. He is intelligent beyond his years, with a sharp wit to go along with it, but without the maturity to temper either of those things. As a result, he is either raucously funny, or heart stoppingly rude when he is trying to be funny. I trust time will teach him the difference, and while it isn't, I am much enjoying making him write various essays to examine the appropriateness of some of his actions. Sometimes, being a mom is fun!

The child is so smart that he actually works harder to avoid having to work than is he would just do all his school work in a timely manner, and he can argue the black off a judge's robe. We share a birthday, so he is also a Taurus with a Taurus rising and a strong Taurus aspect (slight exaggeration) and he simultaneously is the child that most resembles me in personality and drives me up the freaking wall. His father's favorite admonition to me when he is frustrated with Floppy Hair is, "He is just like you!"

I love my Floppy Hair, to little bitty pieces, and he thrills me and terrifies me all at the same time.





This card is from the Anna K tarot.

PDR - Divining Myself

The PDR spread I am using today comes from The Tarot Bible by Sarah Bartlett. I don't love card by card meanings books, but I do enjoy the spreads and extra information in this one! I am using my Deviant Moon.

The spread looks like this : (2 crosses 1)


3.......................8

1....2......5.........7

4.......................6


1. I am this now - Two of Cups. This card is deliciously creepy! I often associate this card with The Lovers. The couple toasts each other, although I feel she is somewhat reluctant in the gesture. Today, the card feels a bit menacing. He has her up against the wall, and it looks friendly, but she has her hand placed protectively in front of her womb. He surrounds her completely, and blood drips on the floor, though there are no obvious wounds on either of them.

I am being a bit reluctant about love right now, fearful of the hurt that can go along with it. That emotion is causing me to be difficult.


2. This is what bugs me - The Devil. This Devil is one of my favorite! He is so sneaky, so creepy! I can just imagine he is tippy-toeing through some unsuspecting's house! The ways I have bound myself to "less than the best", even outright harmful behaviors, bugs me. Worst of all, there really is no devil I can blame it on, because most of my problems I create for myself with bad habits, procrastination being chief among them, and bad attitudes.




3. What I like about myself - Six of Wands. However, I always seem to land on my feet, victorious. I usually manage to accomplish whatever I set my mind to, and I feel very proud of that.




4. What I don't like about myself - Ten of Swords. Sometimes, I get absolutely certain that doom is upon me, and I kind of just give up and give in, and don't do anything about the situation. When that happens, I wallow way longer in the misery of the situation than I probably should, letting it best me. I need to embrace less of the victim mentality that goes along with this card so often and more of the "completion" thought. The Anna K tarot displays it very well, with the image of the man walking away from his place of defeat. That single image was the reason I HAD to have that deck.








5. My talent - Queen of Swords. I am a sharp, analytical thinker, with a way with words. Those things have served me well, in school, and as a writer. I am honest, and I cut straight to the point.





6. My temptation - Knight of Cups. I am often tempted to lose myself in love, in romance. Sometimes I am more in love with the thought of being in love than I am willing to work on the tough issues that go along with a relationship. I am often tempted to use my words to manipulate the situation, any situation, to one that suits me better. I often think I am being sincere in a moment, but often, upon serious reflection, I realize that I was swept up in that moment.

7. My personal quest - Justice. This is no surprise to me. I have a keen sense of right and wrong, and I hate feeling like I am on the losing end of that stick. I feel very strongly that my childrens' father did wrong by all of us, and we are embroiled in court proceedings that are supposed to be righting that wrong, as much as it is possible. I also feel very strongly that the world is right when everything is in balance, and I spend so much time as a mother trying to teach my kids about personal responsibility and logical consequences of ones' actions, good and bad.



8. My current guardian angel - Ace of Swords. My current guardian angel is in fact represented by an angel today! I see the Ace of Swords as cutting through illusions to the heart of a matter, so my current guardian angel must be clarity.


The shadow card, at the base of the deck, for this reading is the Lovers, mirroring my first position card, the Two of Cups. This couple seems to be equally into each other, more on common ground. They are so wrapped up in the moment of their embrace that they do not even notice that the man is being bit by a viper! I have been so wrapped up in my relationship, and the impending move, that I have not been paying close attention to much else. I have, in some ways, put my life on hold, waiting for the real one to start. But this is my real life, too, what is happening right here, right now.

I like keeping a blog so that I can have snapshots in time of where I was, back when. I keep good journals, but I like the pictures that go along with blogging, and I like the insights I have been giving by sharing pieces of my journey. So thank you all for that!






These images are from the Deviant Moon tarot by Patrick Valenza and the Anna K.