Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Four Weeks Out

Tarot of the Sidhe- Dreamer Four; Restoration
Four weeks ago today I walked into the hospital at 5 o'clock in the morning, clutching my honey's hand, and being presented a bill for $164.92, the balance of our deductibles for the year, because many years have passed without us ever reaching our out of pocket responsibilities, but this year United Healthcare is feeling the crunch from Clan Donnelly.  My surgeon arrived minutes before the procedure was to start, in blue jeans and a tee shirt, reassuring me everything was going to be just fine.

And mostly, it has been.

I did not know, whether it was not explained fully to me, or in my pain haze I did not hear, that a herniated disc often gets worse after surgery, then gets better.  The nerve that had not been sending any messages at all is suddenly alive, and cranky, now sending messages, but all of them pissed off ones.  This, too, will pass.  A round of steroids, oral and injected, some more rest, some physical therapy and I will be on track for being totally healthy again.  The end is in sight.  I just can't feel it yet.

In addition, we are now embroiled (not too strong a word) in a custody situation that started with my husband daring to ask to not have any of his four days a month with his sons taken away.  That kind of stress, and money spent, comes at a bad time for us, but we are madly in love anyway, and these kids are worth anything we have to do.

The Ex and his wife continue with their health issues, although improving, and the tiniest, cutest, but earliest brand new baby ever, so we try to pitch in and offer a helping hand to them as we can, as they are comfortable accepting.

The Little Big Man and my nephew have started the football season, and NicNoodle has decided to be a Cheerleader this year, so we are immensely busy with that every weekend.  The 17 year olds are mostly too busy for their old mom and dad, and that is how it should be.  Life goes on, even with a herniated disc.

I am just stopping by to post, to say, "Hello!" to tell you all that I am not dead, though sometimes the pain has been pretty bad.  I hope to have a couple reviews up soon, and be back to regular programming as soon as I can comfortably sit in this computer chair long enough to string together some coherent thoughts about life, tarot, learning, love, pain, the whole big, beautiful mess.

I am looking forward to rising, strong and tall, like the figure on the card, which would be the Four of Swords had Emily chosen to name her suits traditionally (I am so glad she didn't!).  I believe, fervently, with everything I have, in a loving Source, who promises that no trials are for naught, that everything that has ever been lost can be restored, stronger and more suited to our own unique purpose than before.

This card is from Tarot of the Sidhe by Emily Carding, published by Schiffer Books.