Tarot Foundations by Brigit Esselmont- Day 28

Keep your eyes on this space for an exciting giveaway courtesy of Brigit Esselmont, author of two great tarot eBooks The Ultimate Guide to Tarot Card Meanings and her newest- Tarot Foundations: 31 Days to Read Tarot with Confidence, and the brilliant creator of the Biddy Tarot website.  Click here to visit Biddy Tarot.

I have been working with Tarot Foundations and have found each Lesson and Activity to be useful, easy, and illuminating.  You can catch up on all the happenings with the book here, including a special guest post from my husband, a tarot newbie.  This will be my last example of how to use the book, and next week we will have the ultimate review as well as that giveaway I mentioned.

Today I am using the methods Brigit outlined to tackle one of the most difficult questions any reader will ever be faced with, whether for themselves or others- When?

Day 28: Discover Timing Through the Tarot

In this section of the book, Brigit shares several different methods to use to divine timing through the cards.  The reader is not bound to any method she considers "right" but is encouraged to try them all out and decide for themselves what works and what doesn't work.  Some of the methods explored are using the divinatory meanings, the suits and elements, astrology, and of course, the context of the cards in the reading.

I love to do readings that glimpse possible futures for people, but even more I enjoy using tarot to delve deep into the psyche and see how the cards suggest living the best, most authentic life.  To that end, I intend to use the spread Brigit included in this section, which answers many important questions and should help me make decisions with confidence.

Activity 28.1 Conduct a Timing Tarot Card Reading

The spread is as follows:

The desired event will happen when...

• Card 1 You realise...
• Card 2 You accept...
• Card 3 You acknowledge...
• Card 4 You do...

For my timing question, I would like to know when I can expect peace in my home.  When I say peace, I mean people outside our home no longer influence it, when kids and pets and schedules and the careful balance between love and money are all in harmony.  That is a tall order, but not impossible, and I expect some great advice from the cards!

For my answers I have this reading-

Card 1: Six of Pentacles- I will have peace in my home when I realize that every thing I am doing is keeping me from doing something else.  There needs to be a balance because when I am spending time doing the dishes I am not creating.  When I am driving kids around I am not with my husband.  When I am zoning out in front of the tv I am not engaged with the kids.  When I am playing games with the kidtauplets I am not doing laundry.  Taking one client means that time is not available to another.  For this reason it is unbelievably important that every way I spend my time is either getting me closer to my goals, enhancing my family, or taking care of myself or others that depend on me.

The imagery of the card with the scales in perfect balance, the figures in different positions, is striking to me. Sometimes I am doling out my resources, and sometimes I am asking for help.  I am not comfortable with asking, and I need to realize that for balance there has to be both giving and taking.

Card 2: Queen of Pentacles- I will have peace in my home when I accept that I just need to be me.  I often see myself as the Queen of Pentacles, so I see this card encouraging me not to try to change my own nature but rather allow myself to grow the way I am so inclined and stop judging it.

On a practical note, because the Queen of Pentacles is ever practical, I will have peace in my home when I accept that I am ultimately responsible for creating that peace, through both attitude and action.  I need to think peacefully, act peacefully, and I need to get my home better organized.  With five kids, everything needs a place and needs to be in its' place.  I also need to organize my time better, and come at every issue with a plan so that I am prepared.

Card 3: The Sun- I will have peace in my home when I acknowledge how precious this time is, and how blessed our lives are.  The imagery of the baby on a horse makes me nostalgic for when I had toddlers instead of teenagers, and it does not seem like all that long ago!  They really do grow fast, and Gretchen Rubin notes in The Happiness Project the days sometimes drag but the years fly by.

Because of the positive connotations The Sun always brings, I feel I am being encouraged to express gratitude because we really have so much, each other being the biggest of those treasures.  I will have peace in my home when I acknowledge that being a positive mother, wife, pet caregiver, and person in general truly has the power to bring peace and joy.  However, I look back to the Queen of Pentacles, and I know that while I need to let myself be light I also have to stay grounded and keep it real, or I will feel inauthentic and despise myself.  This returns to the first card about balance, give and take.

Card 4: Eight of Pentacles- I will have peace in my home when I do the work.  This card has me chuckling, because it so often comes up for me when I should be working, either at my craft, business, or home, and what I am actually doing is procrastinating by watching whatever Bravo! tells me to.  I can meditate, pray, journey through tarot cards, beg, plead, imagine, envision all day long, but I have to back that up with actually doing things that will improve the situation.  As someone who works at home I often have issues with distinguishing between At Work and At Home.  Returning to the first card, I know that I have to strike a balance, and actually do the work for both things but at different times.  I am easily distracted by dishes in the sink, and when I get up to do them I usually have a brilliant (I think anyway) idea that needs to be jotted don right away.  I need time for work, time for home, time for me, time for my family, time for my husband, and I need to distinguish between those times and fully dedicate myself to whichever task is at hand instead of being distracted.

The Shadow Card of this reading is the Two of Pentacles, which is not surprising at all to me.  The Shadow Card, at the bottom of the deck when I lay out a reading, gives me some insight, usually something I am placing as far away from myself as possible.  I struggle with balancing all of life's details, like many people, and I often feel overwhelmed yet terrified of dropping any of the balls I have in the air.

So many Pentacles tell me that this truly is a valid reading about my home, and give practical advice to reach my goal.

I chose to do a spread basically says when I do x, y will happen.  I like the kinds of spreads and questions that put the power in my hands, and I am truthfully not very good at nailing down timing in reading the cards anyway, so I played to my strengths.  However, there are techniques included for divining if not exact, pretty close timing, so you can explore and experiment with those, too.  One of the greatest lessons I ever learned about reading tarot is that each reader should take what works for them and discard the rest.

If you are intrigued by Brigit Esselmont's quick and simple way to learn tarot, I encourage you to Click here to visit Biddy Tarot.







These cards are from Radiant Rider Waite Tarot published by U.S. Games Systems, Inc.  The original art was done by Pamela Colman Smith, and mine have been lovingly released from their white borders.

Turquoise Lotus Mother

Yesterday I had to make a choice about some relationships in my life, and even more important to me, the lives of my kids.  It was a difficult choice about trying to continue to pursue healing with a group of people or whether to accept that it just isn't possible.  I believe in unending opportunities and that everyone can change their lives at any given moment.  If they want to.

I didn't sleep last night.  I have been nauseated all day.  I let myself get dragged down into the mud, forgetting that you can't pull someone out of it if they want to be dirty.  Mud is slimy, and your fingers slide right off of them if they are not gripping you just as hard.  Then you stand at the edge, dripping grime, feeling foolish, and wondering why they want to wallow in all that filth.  Sometimes, it stains.  Time passes, and you have to decide whether to turn around and go home, leaving them behind, since you can't drag them out, or stay and keep watching, helpless, ineffective, unable to act.

Since I couldn't save this person, much as I may want to, I have to walk away.  Dirty.  And that is okay.  I know how to get my hands and my soul clean again.  And now I know who cries, "Wolf!" There is value in that.

I also have to face the fact that my giant ego gets me into these scrapes.  I often think I can help and just because I can I believe people should want my help.  My ability does not equal their willingness.  This is important for people who work with energy and healing arts.  I need these reminders so that I can focus my time, energy, and attention on people who fit both criteria- that I am able to help, and who actually want that help.

Kuan Yin Oracle

I was hesitant because I am using the Kuan Yin Oracle by Alana Fairchild and Zeng Hao, published by Blue Angel Publishing, and this deck is full of women.  My family is full of women, most of us broken, only a couple of whom want to be free and whole.  I recognize pieces of myself cut off from the Divine Feminine, a reaction to both the rigid religious structure I could never live up to as a kid, and the broken relationship with my own mother, who should have embodied that for me.  It's not like I am the only person in the world whose mother wasn't in a good place to be one yet, and I forgive her faults.  Who am I to judge anyone?  Yet I am fearful of women.  Women, both purposefully and not, have caused my deepest wounding.

"Please tell me what I need to know about yesterday." I whispered to the cards as I shuffled.  My nausea calmed, my heart opened, and I felt a spiritual cleansing come over me.  This is why I adore cards.  The ritual, the immediacy, this is where my Goddess comes to meet me.  I am never left alone or in pain when I take the steps to meet the Divine.

From the guidebook- "Turquoise Lotus Mother brings precious healing to you now.  Allow yourself to be lifted out of your struggle, beloved one.  An old pattern is finally in its death throes, something that weighed heavily on you from your past.  This can be one of the most testing times to allow something to go, just when it seems to be so demanding of your time, focus and attention.  Yet, do not doubt, you have actually learned the lessons it required of you and now you are being blessed with an opportunity to receive karmic healing."

Tears blurred my vision, and relief flooded through my whole body.  I can let go.  I have done what was required of me.  I don't have to stay here and keep getting the mud slung at me, nor watch people I love wallow in it.  My lesson is complete, and I can go.  I don't want to leave but I have to recognize when I can no longer be useful.  I'll come back, if I am called, but I will tell you this- next time, I am bringing a pole to test both the depth of the murk and the true willingness of the caller to actually accept the help.

I note in the imagery, most important for cartomancy, that she carries with her a lotus blossom.  Lotus flowers grow in the most disgusting ichor at the bottom of a body of water.  I am walking away, but with a gift.  Whenever the people I have had to leave decide to crawl out of the mud, they can bring a lotus blossom, a gift to carry with them and reminder of their time there, too.  I can't give them mine.  You can only appreciate it when you have plucked it for yourself.





This card is from Kuan Yin Oracle by Alana Fairchild and Zeng Hao, published by Blue Angel Publishing.

New Year's Reso-What?

Llewellyn Tarot- Two of Swords

How are you doing on those New Year's Resolutions?  I myself have never been a fan of them, because they usually last about a day and a half, you fall off the wagon, and then you feel bad about yourself.

I have also come to the conclusion that I am the kind of person who needs to make changes right there, right then, right when I know they need to be made, and not wait for New Year's Day, or Monday, or the first of the month, or when I get paid so I can purchase supplies.  I have to strike while my mental iron is hot.  I have discovered, for me, waiting for those things are just excuses for me to procrastinate...

Which brings me to the first New Year's Proclamations I made this year, not resolution, because they are not powerful, but PROCLAMATION fairly screams don't mess with me.  I proclaimed that I would work on being less of a procrastinator and more of a go getter.  I am a pretty good go getter as it as, but a notorious procrastinator, so imagine what I could do if I reigned that habit in check?  Amazing possibilities!

Llewellyn Tarot- Ten of Cups

The second, last, and most important PROCLAMATION I made was to remain serene in my heart no matter how others around me may act, what they may do, what words may fall from their lips, because I have a terrible habit of taking on everyone's burdens, making pretty, spiritualized excuses for them, and basically allowing bad behavior because that is what a loving person would do, right?

WRONG.

Tough Love is a true concept, and by continually allowing people to act poorly, treat me badly, and excusing it with, "Well they have a rough life" or "Their childhood sucked" or "They just aren't as self aware as I would wish" I am only allowing them to suckle at my teats (that's graphic, huh?) and delaying their spiritual growth, not to mention stifling my own by rolling around in dirt with them.  That does not mean I am the Judge, Jury and Executioner of people who do not act in the best interests of others, but from a selfish, fearful place- far from from it.  I probably will not say a word to anyone.  But in not saying my words is where my washing of my hands is evident.

Llewellyn Tarot- Tower

I messed up my second PROCLAMATION, remaining serene regardless of others, too.  That was lost pretty quickly, although in my defense the welfare of my kids and a literally crazy person was involved.  But I can't let that affect how I greet today.  No more pretty, spiritualized excuses for myself, either.  I learned, I now believe that this person really is who they have shown me they are, and they will get no more opportunities to mess with my inner peace.  They soak up disturbance like a sponge in water, and they are gonna die of dehydration before they get any more from me.  I have always been the kind that has to learn my lessons the hard way, but once I have learned it is indelible on my soul.

So, how go your New Year's Resolutions?  How is 2013 treating you?  How are you treating 2013?

I chose these cards, not pulled them at random, the Two of Swords to represent my procrastination habit, the Ten of Cups to represent what matters most to me, and my inner peace, and The Tower to represent the disturbance of that peace, which, like most Tower moments, was my own fault by not paying attention to the clues that a Tower moment was imminent.


These cards are from a lovingly trimmed Llewellyn Tarot by Anna-Marie Ferguson, published by Llewellyn.

Daily Draw- Knight of Wands, Seven of Swords, The Hierophant

First, I need to say a very Happy Birthday to my handsome, wonderful, very nearly perfect husband, whose day it is today, and it will be packed for us!  I am hoping 39 will be the best year of your life, sugar, and I will do everything in my power to make it so!

Guess what else- I had another jumper, just like yesterday, and I am thinking this one is advice for the day ahead, or perhaps an explanation.

Tarot of the Tattoo Age- Knight of Wands, Seven of Swords, The Hierophant

I am not thinking this is going to be the most peaceful day we have had, but we have had two solid days of it, more than we usually get, so I am pleased with that.  Both the Knight of Wands and the Seven of Swords have appeared this week, and neither is a particularly positive message for me, so I am not so happy to see them again.  Actually, the Knight of Wands appeared in a reading I decided not to blog as too personal, but he and I are familiar with each other.

This is not our normal weekend with kids.  My ex is extremely solicitous and willing to work with me, as I am with him, so getting mine to celebrate my husband's birthday has been no issue.  His kids mom, though, is threatening to withhold the kids even though their court orders and parenting agreement clearly state that they are each to be allowed to have the children on their birthdays.  Hers was last month, and she let us know several weeks ahead of time she did not wish to have the kids on her birthday, which fell on our weekend.  My husband does wish to have the kids on his birthday, which falls on her weekend.  I am sorry she did not want to spend her birthday with her kids, but my husband does.  She doesn't get to choose that, and I know it irks her.  These cards reflect that, the fighting Knight of Wands, who is all hot air, and totally turned away from this reading.  I think she would like to withhold the kids, as she has threatened, and we can see that in the sneaky Seven of Swords.  She'd like to steal time that belongs to my husband, and for no true good reason except to hurt him, and it would.  I think she will relent though, as my husband has been clear he will call the police, he will file a report, and he will ask our lawyer to press contempt of court charges against her if she does not relinquish the kids as requested, and the stern Hierophant reflects her fear of punitive actions.  I believe it is not Justice that appears here, because I do not think she is looking for Justice.  She just doesn't want to upset the powers that be, and she shouldn't.

Tarot of the Tattoo Age- Nine of Pentacles

My jumper is the Nine of Pentacles.  I absolutely do not understand why she wants to fight with my husband over every single kid issue, but that is because I stand on my own two feet, and always have.  My belief, through my personal knowledge of her (which is great; but that is a story for another day) and my personal readings on the subject lead me to believe she has a lot of issues with her dad, which get played out in these power struggles with my husband because she does not have the ability to work out her daddy issues, or chooses not to, because Daddy pays the bills in that family (she has not worked in over 14 years.  We should all be so lucky, I sometimes think, but then, especially when I look at the Nine of Pentacles, I know that I'd rather be independent than not work, especially as I know what her father's money has cost her).  She can't risk his ire, but she can, and does, fight with my husband.

The Nine of Pentacles, this self made, self sufficient woman, explains why I don't understand her- we do not operate from the same view of life, that simple.  We were both single mothers to the same age children, and we handled it in two totally different ways.  It's not my place to judge her, but I know I did the best I could with what I had, and while she has been more financially secure than I have, I would not trade places with her for anything.  That white dove symbolizes peace, of the utmost importance to me, and she and I just have no common ground to meet on, nor does she want to, which is fine.  Her choice to make, and her loss of me as a friend and ally.

Tarot of the Tattoo Age- Ten of Swords

The Shadow Card is the Ten of Swords, which is one I rather like, but the Ten of Swords often denotes drama to me.  You need one Sword to do a lot of damage.  Ten is just overkill.

Unfortunately, I think we have to be prepared for drama tomorrow, and I hate that.  My kids should never have to see it.  You can hurt me all you want, and I don't care.  I have to give a fig what you think about me in order for you to hurt me, and I just don't in this case.  But hurt my kids, any five of them, and I am wounded to my core.  The Hierophant appears to me to be shedding tears, and that is the card that corresponds to my astrological sign of Taurus.  I may cry today, and I hate that, too.  My husband is a good person, a great dad, an amazing husband, and he deserves to have a happy birthday, not one rife with drama and fighting.

In this case, I deeply hope I am wrong, and the cards are just reflecting the possibilities in this moment.  I hope by the time we are to receive the kids she has come to the right decision and doesn't inflict pain on them or my husband, as well as my other kids.  Her problems should not become the problems of the innocent.

The Knight of Wands is by artist Mike Wilson.
The Seven of Wands is by artist Brenda Flatmo.
The Hierophant is by artist Daniel Albrigo.
The Nine of Pentacles is by artist Vic Back.

The Ten of Swords is by artist Noodles.

These cards are from Tarot of the Tattoo Age, a collaborative project self published by Flaco Productions, LLC.

NicNoodle & The End of Cheer Season

Another mundane question for The Sirian Starseed Tarot today, except all mothers know nothing that has to do with their kids is really mundane.  It all matters desperately to us, if it matters at all to our kids.  There is a saying that a mother is only as happy as her saddest kid, and I have found that to be true.

Danica, however, is not the least bit sad, at least not today.  Although it did not have to be, since they emerged victorious, today was her last Cheerleading competition in her first year.  Having taken First in their division at Regionals, my sweet girl and the Spartan Cheerleaders are qualified to attend Nationals in February in Orlando, but the coaches do not feel like they can ask the parents to spend that kind of money, since we had no idea we were dealing with superstar cheerleaders this year and we did not plan for it.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Reflection (Hermit)

I want to know how Cheer has affected my girl, and the answer is a kindly old gentleman who has been around a lot this week- Reflection, or The Hermit.  I take this to mean that she has grown a lot, learned a lot, and is on a path to becoming who she is meant to be.  Although she now has a sweet baby brother, she is the baby in this part of the family, something that has sparked a lot of rivalry between the Little J Man and her, since he was the baby before his dad and I married, and our union placed him squarely in the middle of the sibling group, but she has been both beautifully mentored this year, as well as having the opportunity to be a mentor and leader herself.  As the Back Spot for her stunt group, she was responsible for helping the younger girls get into place and making sure their part of the cheer routine came off without a hitch.  I really think this has been an amazing experience for her not only because she has found something to love, grown in her self esteem, but also because she has, for probably the first time, been responsible for leading and teaching her peers, and since she is the youngest in a family full of boys, she was not likely to get that experience at home.

She has decided Cheer is her thing, along with acting, writing, singing, drawing, photography, and scrap booking, and she is now taking a tumbling class to help emerge a stronger, more skillful Cheerleader next season.  I am so proud of her for her initiative and her incredibly hard work!

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Five of Chalices (Cups)

The Shadow Card of this reading is the Five of Chalices, a card which signals to me that while she is currently high on her teams' win, she is going to soon feel the emptiness those hours not filled with practice, travel, games, performances, and competitions leaves, as well as the camaraderie of her peers on the team.  Since football and Cheer has ended, I am not sure any of us are going to know what to do with our not-packed weekends.  There is a high danger of her forgetting the parts of Cheer she did not like, the practice she had to do outside of the group and the primping that goes into getting the hair and make up just so.  She has expressed interest in competitive full time Cheer, but that is both expensive and time consuming.  One of her coaches recommends it, and the other says no, that girls that start competitive Cheer this young get burned out by the time they are in high school.  I think she might feel bad that her dad and I just aren't going to be able to invest in a full time competitive team, without remembering that a lot of work goes into it on her end, too.  She has a tumbling class, intended to sharpen cheerleading skills, she has choir, she has theater classes, Scrapbooking Club, and she is just going to be happy with what we can provide.  Hopefully this can be an opportunity to learn to be grateful for what we do get, instead of bemoaning what we can't have.

These cards are from The Sirian Starseed Tarot by Patricia Cori and Alysa Bartha, published by North  Atlantic Books.

Resistance, With a Capital "R"

When I attended the well received webinar this morning many of my questions about this deck were answered, but many more were raised, which is, in my opinion, the sign of a good class.  I had a wonderful time and I look forward to interacting with the other attendees and hopefully another webinar in the future!

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Starseed (The Fool)

One of the things Patrica Cori suggested was that we should each spend some time with this card, which is Trump 0, The Fool, but called Starseed in this deck because that is its' premise- that some of us arrive on Earth as Starseeds, with the approval or instruction of the Sirian High Council, to have some experiences or to learn some lessons, and to ultimately return, through Ascension (which, incidentally, is Trump XXI in this deck, The World) with information to share.  Her suggestion was to figure how how we relate to this card, because if we are attracted to this deck, we are a Starseed, and through meditation upon the image would realize it.

No problem, I thought to myself.  I have this laid up back and I am not really allowed to do much but lay around, read, and think, so I have plenty of time to spend with this card.  Not so!  Did you know there are two kinds of resistance (yes, I know technically more but my posts have been epic lately, so I need to keep it trim)?  There is resistance with a lower case "r" which basically means you just don't feel like doing something, and there is Resistance, with a capital "R", which means you need, absolutely must, for the good of your soul and all of humanity, do, or usually create, a particular thing, but suddenly everything else seems more important.  For example, if I was tired or over medicated so I took a nap instead of doing the meditation with this card, that would be small "r" resistance.  But nooooo, suddenly I was taken with the urge to shampoo the carpets, something which would have my husband and my surgeon simultaneously having separate but equally large cows, and while I did not clean my carpets (I only spent the rest of the afternoon Pinning ways I could) that is an excellent example of Resistance with a capital "R", the kind that happens because you are meant to be doing something, and I had a massive dose of that yesterday.  Most artists, writers, and creative will be familiar with capital "R" Resistance because we usually get it when we are about to do, write, or create something really, massively important, and suddenly we'd rather do the dishes, clean the grout, reorganize our social media, or any other mundane, boring thing we usually put off and dread, because the fear of bringing the thing we must bring into the world is worse than the utter boredom and mindlessness of these chores.  Capital "R" Resistance is closely related to fear and shame and feelings of inadequacy.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Karma (Judgment)

So, to have that kind of reaction tells me there is something important in this deck for me and I want to know the source of my capital "R" Resistance, so I asked the deck.  It answered with Karma.  The title itself, when taken just as the word, is very telling, and relates back to both of the posts I have already made about the deck, first, and second.  It's a lot of information to recap, but basically I struggle with a lot of self esteem issues, a few of which are just good common sense, because I earned them, in this life (and I am working on rectifying that, as I can), some of which are cellular, racial memory, some of which are, I am ashamed to admit, probably a way of drawing attention to myself and getting people to say nice things to me to boost my ego ("Oh, Mandy, you're so smart, pretty, talented.") and some of which I just don't know where they come from.  Being human, I suppose.

Secondly, Karma is a huge part of being a Starseed, as I understand it (and please understand that my understanding of this concept IS limited) so that made me think maybe there is something to this Starseed thing and if there is I am going to be learning some things and when I learn those things I am going to be expected to do better, which is basically a continuation of my mini rant in the Master of Flames section in this post.

Then there is the imagery, which is where all tarot must begin and end, as it is a visual language.  If you just want to work with 78, or 156, if you use reversals, premade meanings, choose them, write them on index cards, and be done with it.  It will be cheaper than a tarot deck, and less work on your part as a reader.  What this picture looks like most to me, at first glance, is a babe emerging from the birth canal, although this rendition is much prettier than the real deal (hell, no I do not want a mirror to watch, thank you, blessed, wonderful midwife who is helping me get through this natural birth), if that is even what the lovely lady creators meant to evoke.  There are other aspects to the card, but that is my strongest impression of it at this moment, so that is the most important thing about it, this time at least.  The next time I draw the card it may be something else, for this is how intuition works with tarot, and all images.

This card is Trump XX, relating to Judgment in a Waite Smith tradition deck, and that card has its' own connotations and issues for me.  For myself, in my personal readings, it is often a spiritual call to awakening, or a reminder that my spiritual life is as important as my physical one, and deserves attention, too.  I also often read it as something along the lines of the old adage, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."   To me, that means that you may hear The Call, but only you can decide if you will answer it, and if you will, in what fashion.

So there is my answer- my Resistance with a capital "R" is that I am karmically linked to this deck in some way, and that I am not sure I am ready to undertake the responsibility of being so.  Not only that, but if indeed it is a spiritual call to action for me, I am not sure how or if I will answer.  It is taking me out of my comfort zone, and while I know I must leave that place to grow, it's warm and snuggly here, and I have always been the type that has to get a cosmic backhand to "get" my lessons.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Eight of Orbs (Swords)

What is my advice to deal with this Resistance?  The Eight of Orbs, which relate to Swords, or communications, thoughts, ideas, and words.

This woman is completed entangled in the vines, but the thing is they were grown from her own words and self doubt.  She can free herself by changing her thoughts, and the words she uses.

This image, incidentally, does not stray far from traditional Waite Smith imagery, while some of the cards do.

The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind... (It very well may be; Orbs/Swords are usually related to the element of Air, and in this deck definitely are.)

I think my glibness is in part to hide my discomfort, because my cerebral brain is having a very hard time wrapping itself around the possibility of me being a Starseed.  I am also scared silly of being laughed at if I find out I am, in fact, a Starseed, something special, and I am responsible for now owning that title.  I have no doubts that each one of you is something special, and I would assure you over and over you were, if I were asked or felt it was necessary, but I have a hard time seeing that in myself.

I would say this cards' answer to my question, what is my advice to counteract this Resistance, is that I am to free my mind, so that the rest can follow.  I should be very aware of my inner dialogue, and the ways I use that to limit myself and my potential.  I was absolutely sobbing earlier today, on my knees, head to the floor (no easy feat with this back), praying/pleading/sobbing that I be shown how I can bring in enough money to pay for the things my kids need to become who they are meant to be (those are music lessons, art supplies, sports, theater, school trips to DC, college for the oldest two, lawyer fees while we try to get two of them more often, because watching my kids blossom as they do these things has me convinced and convicted that they need them to grow into what they were brought onto this Earth to be).  This is a harsh lesson, but as I think I mentioned before, I learn all mine the hard way, and this card is telling me my internal dialogue is absolutely strangling who I am meant to be and all that I am meant to offer to this world.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Guidance (Hierophant)

The Shadow Card, which is the card at the bottom of the deck for me (there is a card in this deck called The Shadow and if I draw it we will deal with it then) which I consider either a little extra bit of information, or because we have placed it as far from ourselves as possible, something we don't want to know, or deal with, is my old friend from Monday, Guidance.  I smiled the biggest grin when I saw this card, and I believe it is here to comfort me, because this has been a rough, deeply personal, and very raw reading, and I am sharing it publicly.  I get so much loving energy from this card, and I believe it appeared to show me I am not alone, I am Divinely guided, and never, not for a moment, forgotten, and neither are you.

I guess I ended up with another very long post, but I think these cards have a lot to say, and they are dragging up a lot of things deep inside me, which is probably another source of the capital "R" Resistance.  Thank you again for sticking with me.

These cards are from The Sirian Starseed Tarot by Patricia Cori and Alysa Bartha, published by North  Atlantic Books.