Daily Draw - A Story with an Ending

Once upon there was a pair of sisters.  Times were hard, but they were hard for everyone, so the sisters did not feel especially persecuted.  Their father had left before they were born to seek his fortune on one of the shipping vessels that came in and out of the port, kissing their mother on the nose and promising to come back rich and make all of her dreams come true.  The seas were cruel that season, and Maiden's Glory proved to be the maiden's downfall in truth as she spilled her cargo and crew into the gaping maw of a black storm.  Their mother grew as salty as the sea she gazed into for hours on end, and by the time the girls were born, one squalling and red, the other mewling like a white kitten, she was so lost in her grief even her newborn babes could not call her back from it.  The twilight haze of the opium dens, where she could chase the half formed memories of her lost love, were more appealing to her than the drudgery of raising the children who were the only legacy of that love.  The man with the yellow eyes would provide the opium as long as the coin flowed, and with the last one left to their mother, she ordered a black mushroom as well.  The man with the yellow eyes never hesitated as he slid the pipe and the fungi across the counter to their mother, and as she chewed, the taste of salt and earth and her lovers' seed filled her senses, and as she drifted into her opium dreams to find her smiling young sailor, she felt herself transform once again into his laughing girl.  So lost in her reverie, she never thought once of the girls she was leaving behind and she never felt the black bile rise in her throat, nor did she turn to spill it onto the ground, but rather let it smother her, her long and desperate grief made manifest after all this time.

Nicoletta Ceccoli Tarot - The Devil, Five of Swords, Five of Cups

The girls were young, but they were clever, and they knew how to sew, and how to garden, and they could read and they could write, so they lived quietly and comfortably in their cottage, sad for the loss of the mother they never really had and sad for the father they wished they had known, but taking comfort in each other.  Celine, the mewling kitten who had grown into a soft and sweet young lady, was prone to fits of melancholy, which Celeste, the fiercer and more sturdy of the twins, was forever pulling her out of.

One year after their mothers' death Celine was in a particularly melancholy mood, feeling the waves of sadness wash over her as she made her way home from her position as a nanny to a rich family.  Lost in her thoughts of her mother, her dreams of her father, and wishing she could be braver and stronger like her sister, she nearly stumbled into the man with the yellow eyes as he stepped from the dark doorway.  Tobacco smoke curled from his lips as he smiled a smile that did not quite reach his yellow eyes.  "Careful there," he said, as his hand gripped her elbow to hold her up.  She smiled timidly and tried to take her arm away, but he only strengthened his grip.  Not knowing what to do, Celine stood frozen.  "Would you like to step inside?  It's warm and it's comfortable, and I have exactly what you need."  Celine nodded mutely, and the man with the yellow eyes wasted no time pulling her into his den.

As the twilight mellowed into evening and then true night, Celeste became frantic.  Neither girl came home late as a rule, and she threw on her cloak and stepped out into the night air to walk the route she knew her sister must have taken.  She strode through the dark with purpose, with her head held high, her eyes meeting those of the few people she encountered so that they would know she was not afraid.  She walked all the way to the home of her sisters' employer, where she noted the dark windows, and she turned around to retrace her steps.  When she reached the street where the man with the yellow eyes kept his den, she turned down it, even though both sisters usually avoided the place, finding the memory of their mothers' death too sad.  She slowed as she approached the opium den, and stopped.  She wouldn't go in there, she thought, and even as she made up her mind to continue on, the door swung open.  A dead eyed man slunk out, stumbled briefly, and slumped against the side of the building.  A pretty girl, too skinny and just as dead eyed, nearly fell out the door but an arm, hairy and rippling with muscles, reached out, further than seemed possible without revealing the body it would be attached to.  Meaty fingers grasped at her collar, and she reversed her falling motion to return unceremoniously from whence she came.  As the door swung closed again, Celeste caught the barest hint of a gleam of golden hair in the shadows, and she gasped.  Without another thought, she steeled herself and marched through the doors of the opium den.

Sweet smoke mingled with the acrid odor of unwashed bodies and dimmed her vision.  The room was dark, with bodies strewn across faded cushions.  As her eyes adjusted, she moved further in, gingerly sidestepping piles of sick and perilously cast pipes.  "Celine," she whispered through her teeth, but she was answered with more dead eyed stares.  A grasping hand tangled itself in her billowing skirt, and as she yanked the fabric from between the ragged fingernails, she turned to see her sister, lank in the arms of the man with the yellow eyes, who had scooped her up and was turning down an even darker hall with her.  "Stop," she cried, and the man with the yellow eyes turned to face her.

"Yes?" he asked, lazily arching his brow as he stroked the pale skin of her sisters exposed neck.

"You have my sister," Celeste stated calmly.  "I see that she is unwell, so I will take her home with me.  Thank you for caring for her but now it is time we leave"

"Oh, will you?" he asked, still bemused.

"I will," Celeste nodded as she started to move forward.  With a single motion of his finger, two thugs appeared from the shadows. With an arm in each thugs firm embrace, Celeste glared at the man with the yellow eyes.  "What is the meaning of this?" she demanded.

"This slut partook of my product but she did not have the coin to pay for it.  So she will earn her comfort with her body." the man with the yellow eyes explained in a level voice.

"That is my sister and she is not a slut!" Celeste proclaimed.

"Well she will be when I am done with her.  Please remove this creature," he said to the thugs.  "She is too loud for our patrons comfort."  To Celeste he said, "You are not as pretty as your sister.  If you wish to pay her debt, you must do four times the work I expect from her this night.  If you return I will take that as your consent to the bargain."  The man with the yellow eyes continued down the hall.  Celine moaned softly as he ungraciously bumped her head against the wall, but she did not wake.

Celeste drove her sharp heel into the shin of the thug to her left, and with an "Oof!" he let go of her arm.  The thug to her right reacted swiftly, pulling her in, but Celeste was quicker, bringing her knee to squarely meet his crotch.  He doubled over in pain, and the thug to her left grabbed her from behind.  She used all her strength to shove her elbow into his gut, then into his nose as he bent over in pain.  She felt the crunch of the nose break as blood gushed from his face.  She grabbed a pipe from a prostrate patron, who only protested weakly in his stupor, and held the misting end up to the left side thugs nose.  As he breathed in he relaxed, and as he drifted away into the opium dream, she did the same to the right side thug.  When he was also soundly in his cups, she smashed the pipe against the floor, leaving herself a deadly sliver of the sharpest glass.  She jumped to her feet and followed the man with the yellow eyes.

A flickering light under the doorway led her to her sister, who was laying prone on a filthy mattress, without even a tattered sheet or dirty blanket to cover her.  The man with the yellow eyes had his back to the door, and so he did not see Celeste as she sprang upon him, sliver flashing in the candlelight.  She struck at his face, but he turned away, and so she slashed a jagged line through it, where blood welled and began to spill like tears.  The man's yellow eyes bulged, and he brought his fist back to hit Celeste.  She rolled away, and his momentum caused him to stumble.  She reached for his ankle, slashed wildly, and crippled him neatly with her makeshift dagger.  He rolled over as she crept forward, and when she slid the silvered pipe between his ribs, he closed his yellow eyes, never to open them again.

"Celine, Celine, wake, please wake," Celeste cried as she shook her sister, but it was no use.  Celine's chest rose and fell, barely perceptible, but she was lost to this world.  Defeated at last, Celeste curled up next to her sister on the filthy mattress, wrapped her arms around her, and spoke her softly, "Celine, I love you, you are my sister, I love you.  Please come back to me.  You are all I have, and I need you."

The night wore on, and the sisters continued to breathe in tandem, Celine's breath shallow and soft, Celeste's ragged and tear filled.  As morning broke and the dingy room began to grow light, Celine's eyelids began to flicker.  They opened in confusion, and Celeste cried out, "Oh, sister!  You are awake!  Are you well?  Let's go home, let's leave this place."

It took Celine but a moment to take in the horror of the room, the man with his closed yellow eyes in a dark pool of blood, the filthy bed, her torn clothes on the floor, and she screamed in horror.  "Shh, shh, sweet sister, shh," Celeste tried to soothe her, but the girl was inconsolable.  She tore at her hair and she tore at her skin and she sobbed.

"What have I done, I am ruined, I will have his baby, and he's not even alive anymore to claim it even if he would," she wept into her sisters' arms.

"No, Celine, no, he never touched you, he never did.  I got here before he could do the evil deed, he never did touch you," Celeste assured her, but Celine was beyond her reach.  "Let's go home, sister," Celeste pleaded.  "Let's go home and you will rest and you will heal and it smells good there."  Celine nodded her acquiescence, and Celeste jumped to gather her clothing.  "These are torn, they will not do.  I will grab something to cover you and I will be right back," Celeste promised, and she darted into the dark hallway.  Cloaks of many colors and conditions lined the hall, remnants of opiate filled patrons who neither remembered nor cared that they had a cloak when they arrived, and she snatched the first one her fingers met.  She turned back to the door and entered it with the cloak in her hand.  Celine had fallen back asleep, which surprised Celeste given the vehemence of her tears only moments before and the horror of the man with the yellow eyes laying dead on the floor.  Celeste rushed to her sisters side and shook her, crying, "Celine, Celine!"  She was answered with a trickle of black bile leaking from her sisters mouth, and as Celeste pulled her upright, Celine's hand fell open, dropping a black mushroom with one dainty bite taken from it onto the dirty floor.

And so the man with the yellow eyes had his price, though he also paid a steep one, and so Celeste lost her one true love to sadness, to despair, to grief.  Celine fell prey to the temptation of easy escape, and Celeste fought hard to save them both.  Her best efforts were not enough to convince her sister to live, yet Celeste had a spine of steel and she went on to live a full and happy life.  She slayed her sisters, and her own, demon, but she did not get to keep her sister.  Celeste thought of Celine every day, and though she had tears in her eyes when she did, she also smiled, because even though it was unbearably sad, the love never left her at all.

These cards are from the Nicoletta Ceccoli Tarot, published by Lo Scarabeo.

Daily Draw - Tempering the Mask

Book of Azathoth Tarot- Two of Pentacles

Today the October dark deck fest continues with an independently published Book of Azathoth Tarot.  The images in this deck do contain nudity, so if that's not your jam here is your opportunity to not have your eyes defiled.

The Two of Pentacles is not part of this reading.  He is just here to provide a little balance, to give my readers the chance to decide if they want to see a penis in the next set of cards or not.  Just like the rest of life, it's perfectly acceptable to play with the Pentacles a little before committing to the whole thing, and you can change your mind at any time.

I pulled a threesome of Major Arcana, which is always slightly alarming, and I don't find the images in this deck to be comforting and warm.  They are non-offensive, to me, but I am notoriously hard to offend, so don't let that be your guide post.

I have an incredibly difficult time trusting God, which sounds audacious to me even in my own mind.  It's not because I think I am not blessed, because I know I am.  Just by being born in America I am in a better situation than most of the world, and there are things every day that I am grateful for and know speak the presence of the Divine in my life.  It's not because I think I am owed more, because I know that God truly does help those who help themselves, and I need to do a little more for myself before I start telling God to do for me, too.  And it's not because I think I am not loved, because I do think God loves me, but in an impersonal way, the way all of humanity is loved, the way I love all animals, a lot, but the way the Zoe dog and those fatty ratties actually hold my heart, no I don't think I am loved like that.

The Book of Azathoth Tarot - The Hierophant, The Devil, Temperance

When we are little, our parents wear the mask of God for us.  They teach us about dependability, unconditional, and sometimes conditional, love, trust, grace, and the Divine.  But when our parents do not have a good grasp of those things themselves they cannot pass them along to us, and I, like a lot of people, have struggled to separate God from my fear of my tempestuous mother, the total absence of my father, and the judgment of the grandfather who undeniably loved me, and was undeniably disappointed by me on the regular.  I see this in the Hierophant, the representative of God here on earth,  wearing a mask and sitting on a throne, untouchable and unknowable.

And in our quest for something we can touch and know, somewhere we can feel safe, loved, accepted, we often find it easier and quicker to turn to excess- shopping, food, sex, alcohol, pills, escapism through video games, books, television, gossip, marijuana, and even harder drugs.  These things do not judge us, they do not condemn us, they can take the place of broken families and broken images of God, but they ultimately destroy us.  None of those things is wrong when not given a place above our own well being in our lives, but if we are using them as crutches rather than healing the broken pieces of ourselves, the Devil has truly taken root.  Anything that controls our lives and covers our hurt is an addiction, and it's the easiest thing in the world to stay in bondage to those things until we die.

Temperance is the great healer.  When we are tempered, we can enjoy a glass of wine without entering a binge.  We can eat a slice of cheesecake and enjoy it instead of needing to devour the whole cake in an effort to fill a vast hole.  If we partake, we can enjoy a mellow high without needing to get high to enjoy life.  We can have sex out of love and desire for closeness, or even just for fun, without feeling it turn into a desperate plea for validation, a distraction from our lives.  We shop for things we need and will enjoy, but we are not under a compulsion to buy, buy, buy, fill fill fill.

But the kicker is I cannot tell you about your path to Temperance, to being healed.  I cannot even tell you mine, because I don't know it, at least not the whole of it, and so much of it is discovered by the way the road feels beneath our feet.  The thing that stands out to me about this trio of cards, though, is that the Hierophant is both observing and being observed, and the Devil is a vignette of horrors to watch, but the angel of Temperance is actually doing.  And so I know that if I want to move forward, I too must actually do, not just wish and hope and think and despair and talk, but put one foot in front of the other, one word after the other, one digit after the other in making phone calls to people who can help, and actively work on healing myself rather than waiting for it to simply happen.

I am finding these dark decks to be thought provoking too, which I suppose is a by product of exploring the darker aspects of the psyche.  This reading is part of a series I am doing in the month of October featuring dark, spooky, creepy, and Halloween themed decks.  I am sure some of them will yield lighter reading.  Please share your favorites with me!

These cards are from The Book of Azathoth Tarot available at Nemo's Locker.

Monday Majors: My Lens for the Week- The Devil

Mystic Dreamer Tarot- The Devil

The Devil reflects exactly how I feel, so I am in no way surprised to see her today.  I feel bound to people I don't want to be, I feel angry and full of white hot heat that could burn, and those feelings make me feel ashamed and dirty.

There are a number of things and situations I would just set a match to, metaphorically speaking, and watch burn to the ground right now.  Scratch that; I would not even bother to watch.  I would just turn and walk away.

I know, in some ways, my anger is getting the best of me, but the question comes- Is that because I am used to being a good girl who stays quiet and doesn't make waves?  Or is this a righteous anger and I so rarely let myself feel that I am unused to the way it burns?  Time will bear that out, and I am sure some of my posts will, too.

I have had the Mystic Dreamer Tarot since its' release in 2008, and I rather like the images, though this kind of art is not to everyone's tastes.  I wanted something pretty and meaningful and personal and symbolic but wouldn't make me work too hard or stretch too far.  I'm too ragged around my edges for too much serious stretching just now, though I do feel this is a deep deck and worthy of study, use, and my time that goes into those things.





These cards are from Mystic Dreamer Tarot by Heidi Darras and Barbara Moore, published by Llewellyn.

What To Do, What To Do

I have a simple question for The Sirian Starseed Tarot today- How is my time best spent today?

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Eight of Flames, Two of Chalices, The Shadow (Devil)

*loud sigh*

I already knew the answer.  The Eight of Flames is traditionally communications for me, and my writing projects, including this blog, are communications and need attention.  In addition, this Eight of Flames is particularly powerful, and some particularly powerful communications are on the slate for today, so I know they are essential.  It is also fast moving, intense energy, so I know a couple of things I would rather save for another day must to get done today, even though I don't feel like I have the energy.  I'll have to dig down deep and come up with it.

The Two of Chalices, all about sacred contracts, and writing is one of mine, as well as reading tarot, and I gratefully have clients today.  That of course has to be done, the writing and the readings, and I am grateful every day that is what my world is made up of.

This card also refers to the love I have for The Man, who has tasked me, even though he doesn't want to, with some time consuming work.  I have been feeling kind of resentful of it, because I don't feel good, and I have plenty enough work of my own to do.  But because we are in a sacred contract together, his work is my work, and he is always so good to us, me, my kids, his kids, our family, and I feel guilty for feeling resentful.  It is a really selfish reaction to not want to help him when he does anything and everything he can for me.

Which brings us to The Shadow, a card which would be called The Devil in a Waite Smith themed deck.  It asks me to examine my emotions, and why I feel guilty.  I feel guilt over some other issues, too, and I need to figure out which ones of those I have legitimate responsibility in and should feel guilt, so therefore need to make amends, and which I feel guilty about because I have Woman's Disease and tend to take things upon myself that I have no business worrying about.  This often looks like a kind of martyrdom, but it is actually a personality flaw and a manifestation of ego; to believe that I am in some way responsible for things that I actually have nothing to do with.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Karma (Judgment)

We have seen this Shadow Card before, Karma, the twentieth Trump, relating to Judgment, but it is different for me today.  The lotus flower shies through, and the most beautiful lotus flowers bloom from the nastiest ichor at the bottom of the water.  The Eight of Flames, with its' quick communication, the Two of Chalices, things we are meant to do and love to do, combined with The Shadow indicate that some Karmic events have been set in motion, or more likely moved forward today, already having been in motion, and at some point I will have to deal with them, but despite of, or maybe because of, the appearance of The Shadow, and because the lotus bud is drawing my eye, I know that all the energies that are swirling around us ad all of the things happening will, probably fairly quickly, settle into what is best and to everyone's highest good.

I have to believe that, or I am lost.

And I have to go pack up some eBay sales for The Man, and get my kiddos ready for their very busy weekend.  With no resentment, because I chose this life, and I love it.

These cards are from The Sirian Starseed Tarot by Patricia Cori and Alysa Bartha, published by North  Atlantic Books.

Too Many Deaths, Not Enough Tears

Tarot of the Mystic Spiral- Devil, King of Pentacles, Star, Four of Wands

During a dreary week in mid-February my world lost two people.  The world at large lost many more, of course, and there is no way to measure the value of individual lives to those they touch, and I would not even try.  One person I did not know at all, and one I was intimately acquainted with, at least at one point in time.  One death affected me deeply, and one I did not shed a tear over.  I am puzzled by my own reactions, and am using the cards to help explore those feelings.  Two people died, both too young, both likely from their hard living ways.

Tarot of the Mystic Spiral- Death

The first card, The Devil, is the card I pulled in answer to, "Why did I have such a deep sadness over Whitney Houston's death?"  I see the horror of addiction, and I know first hand how awful it is to stand near someone and watch them descend into madness.  It seems so easy for those for us who are not addicted, myself included, to think the addict can just walk away, just choose life over the death they are surely constructing by their own means.  At hearing of the songstress' death, I just felt so unbelievably heavy and sad.  So much to offer the world, an unmatchable voice, beauty, charm, money and the talent to get more whenever, and it was still not enough.  Since I never knew her personally, I think I was relating this to people I know and love, the sadness that their gifts go unoffered, because they don't know how to let go of the temporary respite found in the arms of the substance of choice.  If you never look up, the dark wings of the Devil could certainly feel as warm as the arms of an angel, and let us not forget that he is seductive.  So much beauty, like Lucifer, the fallen angel Christian lore has come to associate with the devil, so corrupted.

The next two cards, the King of Pentacles combined with The Star, answer my question, "Why do I not have any tears to shed for Vern's (my sisters' father, I guess stepfather to me) death?"   I pulled two because I could not make head nor tail of the King of Pentacles on his own.  The King is what I understand as a quintessential father and provider, and while I have no wish to decry this man, he was far from that, for me.  And there The Star makes perfect sense- I have no wish to defame his character.  I have healed from the wounds of my childhood, and I am no longer emotionally bound to him.  The King of Pentacles most often appears in my personal readings as my husband, and in this marriage I have healed a great many of my hurts.  He is the kind of father I would have wished to have, and he loves me the way children should see their mother being loved.  This is so important in the lives of children, because girls learn how they should be treated by observing the way their mother is, and boys who will become men learn how to express love by seeing the way the important men in their lives treat their mothers.

I see the way The Devil and The Star reflect each other, in the way the figures carry themselves, in the way one represents ultimate sickness and one deep healing.  The beauty of The Star is what The Devil presents to us while we are being seduced, but that facade cannot be maintained for long.  I see the desperation and terror in The Devil, but the eternal hope of The Star can never be extinguished, and I have the hope that everyone I love can release themselves from the chains of The Devil and immerse themselves in the healing waters of The Star.  I have that same hope for myself.  In my case, the King of Pentacles, who is my husband in my readings, stands between these two Trumps, as well as remembering that developing the qualities of this Court Card- solidity, good work ethic, being a person of integrity is the way I can step away from my own wounds and heal myself.  Just living a good life, that is powerful.

The Four of Wands is my lesson in this mess.  This card has special significance for me at this time in my life, as I am feeling the return of Venus in my natal Aries in some interesting ways, and the Four of Wands is assigned to Venus in Aries according to the Golden Dawn tradition most tarot decks are based on.  Fours are stable, Wands are passion and inspiration, so this card represents marriage perfectly as passion that has been stabilized.  My lesson is to stabilize all the passion I feel, which has at times manifested as hurt to be drowned out with substances, and at times living life on the edge.  I don't have to live that way anymore, and I am not doomed to repeat the mistakes of my parents.  I can and do live in a happy marriage, the cradle of a happy family life.  My children have parents who adore them, who put their needs first and who make sure they know it.  One of the beautiful things about having kids is the chance to redo your own childhood, if you are aware enough to rewrite those patterns.

Tarot of the Mystic Spiral- Five of Wands

The Shadow card of this reading, some extra bit of information I am avoiding or don't really want to see is the Five of Wands.  This rendition shows the tangled webs we weave, and I often see the Five of Wands as internal conflict.  In my own world, I know that I can have a tendency to blame the utter crapfest that was my childhood for everything that happens now.  My teeth are garbage because my mother never saw fit to take us to the Medicaid dentist.  I have trust issues because my parents broke it over and over.  I could go on and on, but there is no point.  The past can't be fixed, and to dwell there only tangles myself up in negativity.  I am the lady in this picture, and I am too big now, spiritually and emotionally, to be caught in the spiders' web.  It's gossamer, to float away on the wind.

I wish Whitney and Vern, both souls who liked to live fast and had innumerable gifts to offer to the world, the kind of peace I don't think either of them ever knew in life.  I offer up the affection I had for her music, and the way I wanted to be able love him, in honor and trust that the Hereafter offers more chances to be exactly who we are meant to be, and the hope that they both find that.





These cards are from Tarot of the Mystic Spiral by Giovanni Pelosini and Giuseppe Palumbo, published by Lo Scarabeo.

Monday Majors- Theme for the Week: The Devil

When I look at this rendition of the Devil, it seems to have an optical illusion effect, much like those pictures where you are supposed to tell if it is an old lady with a hooked nose and pointy chin or a young lady sporting an elegant coif.  It is all about perspective.  So is the Devil.  When I first picked up the card I believed the young lady had her back arched and her face turned skyward as she exalted in the lightning storm, one hand raised in triumph, the other flung behind her head as she cries out.  Now it looks more like she is crouched between the rocks, shame keeping her from facing her own reflection and preferring that her hair hide her face from knowing, as if it were that easy to turn away from the things we have done.

There is no horned figure in this image, no chains and no coercion.  For good, as in my first impression, or for bad, the Devil is in the choices we each make every day.  The artist seems to be stressing the idea of personal responsibility and accountability, and not looking to a Devil that causes us to do things, but to look inside our own souls to figure out why we do the things we do.  I don't know about you, but sometimes I have the distinct impression that looking at my true self can be a scarier prospect than looking at any horrific Devil figure.

There is no judgment in this Devil card, because sometimes Devil energy is needed.  When you want to spice things up in the ol' bedroom, for example, or a healthy dose of hedonism is the only cure for what ails you.  In that case, you should throw yourself into whatever it is you are doing with all abandon, no regrets, but with eyes wide open.

But when we have willfully made mistakes, hurt others, said cruel things, drank too much, had one too many cupcakes, when we have done something we know to be wrong, then it is just as important to have our eyes wide open as we take a good look at ourselves and full accountability for our lives.  The Devil is not a card we get when we are being done wrong, but a card that denotes being the wrong doer.

I leave you with the words of Maya Angelou:

"It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'Well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self."




This card is from Twilight Realm: A Tarot of Faery by Beth Wilder for Schiffer Books.

Daily Draw - High Priestess, The Devil , Wheel of Fortune

This is what I started to write when I drew these cards this morning-  What these cards make me think about is the private face we all keep hidden, the ways we can't expose ourselves, but what would like to, and the public face we show to the world.  The Devil card looks to me like the metamorphosis of the High Priestess, who has donned her armor.  That was about as far as I got.

The way these cards played out in my day today was thus- Instead of speaking my truth, I tried to make nice, and I was miserable, which made my honey miserable, and we were all miserable.  I did not want to lay myself bare, and it was not simple protection, more like wanting to come across like better than I am.  The Wheel goes round and round, but sometimes we do get to decide where we are on it.  Today I learned that speaking truth will always put me on the right turn of the Wheel, but denying it is the biggest dice roll of all, and the odds are on the house.

These cards are from the Victorian Romantic Tarot by Karen Mahony and Alex Ukolov at Baba Studio.

Daily Draw - Four of Swords, The Empress, The Devil

I gotta be frank with y'all, The Obstacle card, Four of Swords, doesn't really look like all that much of an obstacle to me.  You have Hecate lying there with her man, looking pretty peaceful, if not overly passionate (and no, that's not the problem *grin*).

I think this card refers to the general lack of motivation I feel today.  It's overcast, and springtime in the Rockies means it's either bitter cold or searing hot, none of that gentle spring rain most of you seem to enjoy.  Today it's cold, and I would very much like to curl up in bed with someone else's book and read the day away.  I would very much like to take that break.  But this would not be a good day for that.  I have a project I am working on, and duties call.

It's very easy for me to get confused about productive downtime and just plain procrastination, because for a writer, daydreaming IS part of the work, sometimes, and to write well, and to read tarot well, I need quiet times of contemplation and connecting to Source.  The difficulty comes when I do not differentiate well, when I am dishonest with myself and I let my meditation time turn into nap time, or watching trashy reality tv time.  I have to be aware of that today.

The Way Through the Obstacle, The Empress.  Just as I suspected - it's time for me to let creativity flow, not time to rest.

The Empress is associated with Venus, goddess of love and beauty, fertile and nubile.  Today is a good day for me to focus on the birthing process of the creative project I am working on.  I am reluctant to turn to my writing this morning because what I wrote yesterday made me cry, big fat wet tears, not pretty sedate ones, but the kind that wrack your body and leave you snuffling and weak, headachey and thoroughly wrung out.  I don't want to do that again today, but birth IS painful.  Worth it, but painful.

This Empress is advising me to armor myself in beautiful things, beautiful thoughts, and to go ahead and get on with it.  If it warms up enough I will take my writing outside and sit in the grass, feel the sun upon my face, smell the breeze as it wafts against my skin.

The Devil as The Outcome makes me chuckle.  This is a great example of how "difficult" cards aren't always, and how every single card has a range of meaning, light and dark, and why having specific intentions about the position of each card in a reading works for me.  If I was just doing a free form reading, no positions, I could very easily fall into the trap of thinking this card holds doom and gloom for me, that no matter what I do today I am not going to be able to escape the shadow of the Devil.

But, since this card is the Outcome of following the good advice, I can be assured that I can look for its' light meaning.  The advice card, The Empress, and The Devil, are both sensual cards, excessive cards, of pleasure and enjoyment.  Once I have completed my tasks for the day, I can join my honey for dinner and a glass of wine, and maybe we can cut loose a little, and really enjoy the fruits of our labors.  A couple hours of Devil energy is good for the soul.  It's when we let our desires rule us, instead of ruling them, we get into trouble.

As an alternate, somewhat evil reading, these cards made me think of a relationship going down the tubes, and getting pregnant accidentally-on-purpose, resulting in a whole host of other problems, not really addressing the main one.  This is not the case for me, but I like to illustrate how cards can be read differently at different times.  The Man and I are solid, and our baby is nine years old.  If we had the resources we would probably have five more kids, but our hands are quite full with what we have, thank you, and while I am completely crazy about my children I am also looking forward to the far off day when I am free to travel and make love and live my life on my own schedule alone.  And He feels that even more strongly than I do, haha!





Update:  I was able to maintain concentration through the time I needed to, and make some progress on important projects.  Then we went to dinner, where all of our senses were thoroughly indulged - crisp white wine, creamy tomato caprese, ravioli filled with cheese, fried potatoes, tiramisu.  It was a good reward for a good day's work.


These cards are from The Kingdom Within Tarot by Juno Lucina and Shannon Thornfeather for Schiffer Books.

Daily Draw - The Devil, Six of Swords, Justice

This week I am using the Kingdom Within Tarot by Juno Lucina and Shannon Thornfeather, published by Schiffer Books, and I will review it at the end of the week.  I am using a spread found in the back of the book, slightly modified, called the Triangle Spread, with the positions The Problem, The Way Through the Problem, and The Outcome, but I don't like the way it looks as a triangle so I made it linear.  This is how we do.

The Problem: The Devil (dun-dun-DA!)- haha what am I supposed to say about this card?  I have a loose relationship with the Devil card as a whole, because, frankly, I don't think it is THAT bad.  Of course, according to Jim Carroll, "The devil's greatest accomplishment is convincing the world he does not exist."  so maybe I have fallen prey to that trap, although for me, it is not so much that I do not believe in the devil, or manifest evil, but that I do not believe he/she/it has any power over me, so what care I where the devil may go?

This card carries a strong sentiment of judgment to it, not the card Judgment, associated with rebirth or awakening to a new life, but the ugly feeling of criticism and blame.  Look how Saturn, the ruling planet of Capricorn, associated with The Devil, looms above the angel, becoming a halo and symbolic of her highest thoughts, while she points down at all the things she finds distasteful, and which are distasteful, but it is important to remember that people are their souls, not their actions.  Mother Theresa said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." and I want to be aware of that critical feeling in myself, towards others, and towards myself, so that I can choose to change that feeling, and approach others, my family, my friends, people I don't even know, from a place of love, as well as meeting myself in that place of love and compassion.

The Way Through the Problem: Six of Swords- (small side tangent- Folks, this deck is weird.  I like it, I don't use weird as a derogatory term, but weird it is.)  I am not even sure if I was to deliberately pick a card as a response to what to do about the problem of the Devil I could have chosen a more appropriate one. The owl and the dead dude ( according to the book, Mictlantecutl, Lord of Death, however; he shall remain "the dead dude" in my mind) have turned their backs on the bright but harsh angel of the Devil card, and they are sailing away to a better place.  The ghostly mermaid behind them is releasing a specter, and the water purifies all as they rush forward to meet a better destiny.  This happens when we consciously choose to turn our backs on the things and people we know are no good for us, and when we make the decision and take the action to radically alter our behaviors.

For me, I have to remember that my thoughts, which are associated with the tarot suit of Swords,  are not just random and uncontrollable, but that I can change them.  I can stop the bad ones right in their tracks and I can make them like me instead, like Pink advises in her song, "You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong- Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead. "  This is actually a simple thing to do, but like many simple things, it seems too easy to actual work, but it certainly can't hurt anything so I am gonna give it a whirl.

The occupants of the boat travel forth to their destiantion, which as it turns out, is the Outcome: Justice.  I like this image, with its' balance of light and dark, sun and moon, neither one whole or complete without the other, and this is a particularly interesting card to come away from The Devil and come to, because they are essentially polar opposites.  The Devil is a card about wrong motivations and bondage (not the good kind *wink*), and Justice is a card about karma and doing the right thing.  Both cards have an element of "just reward" to them, the Devil embodying the natural consequence when we go against what we know to be right, and Justice holding the bright promise of symmetry, the natural consequence of living right.  I like the promise dark has made to bright, and vice versa, the innocence and trust exemplified, which is a lovely idea, that we can all trust in the world again.  I think that is what Heaven will be like, no fear, no anxiety, just joy.

Venus crowns this card as the ruler of Libra, associated with Justice, and in a mimicry of The Devil, demonstrates that love is highest aim.  "We understand that justice is what love looks like in public." ~Cornel West

This reading was meant to be a daily draw, but the appearance of the two Major Arcana cards signify to me a reading that bears so more contemplation, as the cards are quite deep and evocative.



Update:  So, folks, guess what I did today.  Can you guess?  Well, if your answer was "not take my own advice", ding, ding, ding, you win!  There I was, in the hot and steamy shower, grooving to a favorite song, moving my body all fast and furious (yes, I dance in the shower.  It's private and you wash the sweat away, win-win) when something jiggled in a way I didn't like.  I was instantly filled with loathing, hate for this one body I am ever going to get, that is strong and curvy and that my man loves and shows me he loves in every way, this body that hauls me around and that I can twist and flex so fantastically thanks to my yoga practice, the body that likes to dance salsa and snowboard, that bore and nursed my children.  I actually told myself how fat and ugly it was, and that is when my Devil moment manifested for me, only moments after posting this.  Luckily, before I got too far down the trail of tears, I remembered to rein it in and talk only nicely to myself.  Then I danced for a few more songs, in the shower.  Naked.  And just enough jiggly to be cute.



These cards are from The Kingdom Within Tarot by Juno Lucina and Shannon Thornfeather for Schiffer Books.

Daily Draw - The Devil, Queen of Wands, Judgment

Look how much fire in this set of cards!

The chains of the Devil can't hold back the fiery Queen of Wands.  She simply transforms to the phoenix of Judgment, which succinctly captures the essence of this card.

I have the feeling that the Lord of the Gates of Matter (the Devil) here is causing the Queen of Wands to be poorly aspected.  I do not read reversals, because I don't like looking at upside down images, but I do believe all cards have a range of meaning.  The Devil is not always "bad", and the Queen here is charismatic, dynamic, and passionate, and those are fantastic qualities, but they can also turn tumultuous at times.  The Queen of Wands is the Queen I least associate myself with, but she probably does represent me today.

These cards tell me it would be a good day for me to speak humbly, act humbly, work actively to shed some of the bad habits that I know are holding me back.  Doing so will be freeing to me.





These cards are from the Transparent Tarot by Emily Carding for Schiffer Books.