The Only Way Through It

Today's spread brings me three Major Arcana cards, which does not really surprise me, but I do think it is interesting to note.  Today I am asking about the state of this little blog.

The first card shows my relationship with the blog, the second is the way to get from where I am to where I want to be with it, and the third card is the result.  It is a basic three card spread meant to cast a picture and offer advice.

The Healing Tarot- The Sun, The World, The Empress

The Sun shows the joy I take in writing, in tarot, and in connecting with people who are interested in the same kinds of things.  I love it!  I feel good, and it is a happy place for me, or at least it always had been.  That is where the darker side of The Sun comes into play.  It is such a positive card that I generally read it as still pretty darn good, even when it falls in a difficult aspect, so I know that what has happened was still to the greater good, but that doesn't always feel good in the moment.  The Sun shines a light on everything, all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and putting oneself on display in a public blog is a choice.  For the most part I do not mind, because I think tarot is the most intensely personal thing there is, and I strive to live my life in such a way that I do not feel any shame at my actions or words.  But the shining light Sun has left me feeling exposed at times.  My little bit of success, for which I am beyond grateful, seems to leave me a target for hangers on and moochers, not to mention the people in my personal life who do not wish me well (who are few and far between but incredibly tenacious).  I have been feeling tender and raw, and especially with the parenting time issue with The Man's kids, and his exes odd (to me) obsession with what I do online, I have not wanted to be so exposed.

But, as I said, I generally read The Sun as good, good, good, so it's still good.  The love is still there.  The Sun endures, and so does my delight in what I get to do in this space.  I firmly believe that where we feel joy is where we are meant to dwell.

The advice for getting through this difficult time is The World, and the skeleton inside the circle makes me believe the time has come to die to what anyone else may think and be self contained in my own little World.  I am whole just the way I am, and no one can take bits of me if I do not let them cross my boundaries.  I gotta do me, whole heartedly and with no regard for haters, clingers on, or the judgmental attitudes of other people, because what others think of me is really none of my business.

The result of successfully implementing the advice of The World is The Empress, a loving, wild card of abundant expression and joy!  Her beautiful world is sacrosanct, and her expression is inviting but does not invite ugliness into her precious creation.

From the companion book- "The Empress beautifies and sweetens everything she touches: health, happiness, success, pleasure, luxury, artistic value, finances."  That is a value I hold sacred, and to get there from here means living fully in my purpose.

I would be deeply remiss in not pointing out that this reading resonates so deeply with the reading I received from Mandy Flint of Greeneyedgypsy last week that I could have almost pulled the cards face up to reinforce her words.  She is tough, but in a way that makes you know you are loved.  Thank you, +Mandy Flint!

The Healing Tarot- Five of Cups

The Shadow Card is the Five of Cups.  The book describes it as "loss of pleasure or desperate avoidance of pain" which shows exactly how I reacted to having my personal space invaded.  I lost my pleasure in it and I avoided it in order to avoid more pain.  Well, the Five of Cups shows your spilled ones, and there is no sucking liquid back up off the ground to put back in the Cups.  It is immeasurably sad.  But there are two more perfectly good Cups, and my intention is to stop mourning what was lost and turn to what remains.

This fits in eerily well with the Daily Card I pulled and posted at the 78 Whispers Facebook Page and the Google+ Community Page, which was the Page of Cups from this same deck.  I tend to record these at Tumblr as well.  If you enjoy the blog posts you may like what you get over there, which tends to be shorter, pithier, and more frequent, at least as of late.  There is also a newsletter that comes straight to your email inbox, full of new content, and no spam, which you can sign up for here.

Have you lost your pleasure or engaged in a desperate avoidance of pain?  A tarot reading can help you find your way out again, and I would love to help you do it.  If you would like to work together please contact me.




These cards are from The Healing Tarot by Juno Lucina and Monica Knighton, published by Schiffer Books.

Daily Draw- King of Swords, The Fool, The World

I had a jumper today.  A jumper is a card that falls out while you are shuffling, and while sometimes it is just clumsy handling of the cards.  This one was pretty insistent, though, so I am adding it!

It's late in the day or me, and I am probably in for the day, although The Man and I are blessed with another night all to ourselves.  We may go out later.  Or we may stay in and go to sleep early.  We have been so busy that we have deeply enjoyed these couple relaxing days.  These cards probably talk about what has already happened, since all that is on my agenda for the evening is writing a couple reviews and reading City Magick by Christopher Penczak in preparation for Tuesday evening's Unearthly Encounters show.  I might make some lotion.  Exciting times.

Tarot of the Tattoo Age- King of Swords, The Fool, The World

While my handsome husband tends to show up as the King of Pentacles in my readings I think in this deck he is the King of Swords, at least while he is standing by, stoic but amused, not saying a word but just observing what goes on.  We went to the Denver Tarot Meetup Saturday Social Today, which is usually full of gentlemen as well as women, but today my man was the only man.  He is also happy to indulge me in my card fancies, but really at these things he is just keeping me company.  What a sweetie!  We met at DB Beanery in Castle Rock, which I was happily surprised to see is owned and run by a former coworker of mine.  I was delighted to see how well she is doing, and I hope she was delighted to see how I have progressed since I left Castle Rock.  That is both The Fool, and The World.  I walked away from that city a sad, broken hearted mess.  I went back today a strong, accomplished woman.

Tarot of the Tattoo Age- Wheel of Fortune

We had a small financial windfall today, always good news, and The Wheel of Fortune kept jumping out today to remind me that the Wheel goes up, but it goes down, too, and doesn't always buy you a drink before giving it to you, either.  I am always happy to see The Wheel of Fortune, as it is a beneficent card, but I am always happy to save a little money, too.  Circumstances beyond our control are keeping us from using that windfall, for the moment, and that is also all of these cards.  In this case, I am the cool King of Swords, pragmatic, and The Man is The Fool.  I am a Taurus, and he is a Sagittarius.  I want to save, he wants to spend.  We see money in totally different ways, and these are big cards for a Daily Draw.  I think that pulling them signifies that we will eventually be glad we (forcibly) saved the money, and they are such big cards I believe that it may make the difference between getting what we really need and want and not.  They are that intense.

Tarot of the Tattoo Age Queen of Swords

The Shadow Card of the reading is The Queen of Swords, which is me being kinda bitchy and raining on my husband's parade, although this one is rather immature looking, because believe me, there are tarot decks and Christmas gifts I really want to buy, some wrongs I want to right, and I am easily swayed by him, so I could have easily backed down from my position.  She is not the strongest Queen of Swords I have ever seen, and neither would I have been today, if The World had not conspired against, or as I rather think we shall see for, us to keep the money safe but untouchable for now.  I don't want to save the money more than I want to see him happy, and honestly, as solicitous as he is to me, he is still going to do what he wants to anyway, and he should.  He is a grown man and I am his wife, not his keeper.  Her appearance, though, shows that the King of Swords cool, thoughtful attitude was the right one to embrace, she being as close as possible to the already being used King to convey that message.

The King of Swords is by artist Tia Janitch.

The Fool is by artist Tim Lehi.

The World is by artist Mike Dorsey.

The Wheel of Fortune is by artist Brian Bruno.
The Queen of Swords is by artist William Thidemann.

These cards are from Tarot of the Tattoo Age, a collaborative project self published by Flaco Productions, LLC.

Fear & Loathing in the Arapahoe Youth League

Or, What Did We Learn As a Family This Football Season?

Since there are all Major Arcana in this draw, we can be assured we have learned a lot, and they were karmic lessons for all of us!

Deviant Moon Tarot- The Magician, The World, Justice

What a long, strange, often exhilarating, often frustrating, few months it has been since we started our football season in July.  I say "we" because even though Little Big Man was the one playing football, and NicNoodle the one doing the cheering, three or four practices a week, plus a game every Saturday for both of them, usually in different places, required a real commitment from the whole family.  It has really been a hectic few months, but I wouldn't change a minute of it.  Yesterday marked the last day of the Little Big Mans' regular season, while NicNoodle still has practices every week and several cheer competitions through November.

NicNoodle Cheering!

The Magician shows both of these kids learning how to bring their desires and ambitions forth from fantasy into the real, physical world.  The World shows how they have progressed, both mentally, with new found self esteem and belief in themselves, and physically, with their ever improving skills.  It has been awe inspiring to watch this progression, especially with me feeling so much the proud mama.  They started out a little unsure, maybe a bit awkward at the beginning of the season, but they were both determined to tap into any innate talent they possessed and they both were willing to work hard to master the skills they needed to excel at their sports.  The World completes a cycle, just like the end of a season does, and while they should never stop improving, they have come so far, learned so much, and they are both ready to step into the next part of their learning journey.  They are leaving this season not only better athletes, more confident in themselves,but also as better sportsmen and having learned many valuable lessons on how to be a good and decent human being in a world that sometimes lacks those.

Little Big Man & Coach

The Justice card probably alludes to some other kinds of learning that have taken place for these kiddos, and for us, their parets, too- Life's not fair.  It's that simple.  I don't care if my kids win or lose, though winning probably feels better to them.  I care about the lessons they learn, and we all have to learn to win AND lose gracefully.

One particular game was played against a team that is coached by the president of the Arapahoe Youth League, a conflict of interest if I ever heard one, not to mention this particular team has the same officials at each of their games.  The reputation of this team was that of being "The Best" in the AYL, but our Spartan Bronze was wiping the field with them.  The other team couldn't get past ours to score, and they couldn't shut our offensive line down to keep us from scoring.  At the point it became apparent Spartan Bronze was going to best the supposed best team in the AYL, the one coached by the president of the AYL, the officials, the same ones that ref every game this opposing teams plays, started making some "interesting" calls and throwing down some odd flags for penalties.

Eli Game Face

It began with calling "Intentional Grounding" several times on the Spartan Bronze quarterback, a call which is almost never heard at this level of play, because it can be really hard to discern what is in fact intentional grounding, and what is simply 12 year old arm inaccuracy.  We then had three touchdowns in a row called back for our offensive linemen "Holding", but they were not even involved in the play.  All three of these called back touchdowns were run in by one amazing wide receiver, who had to have been near spent after sprinting 50+ yards three times in as many minutes.  On the last "Holding" call, the Spartan Bronze quarterback was just watching his beautiful pass being run right into the end zone for a score when he took a late hit by two HUGE (like seriously, I think they had to shave before the game and drove themselves there) opposing players that absolutely leveled him.  No one was blocking for him anymore because he had loosed the ball several seconds earlier and the action was all down the field, scoring.  The officials called a "Holding" on Spartan Bronze, although to my eye it was a Spartan and a Bruin rolling around together on the grass like a make out session, so how they knew who was holding who is beyond me.  The bitch of this call was that the "Holding"  took place right next to the late hit on our quarterback, and that late hit was never called or acknowledged.  That poor kid laid on

NicNoodle in the cold!

the ground for several minutes, and good sportsmanship dictates all players should take a knee while there is an injured player on the field, and then we all applaud when he stands up.  The opposing team failed to do this, players, parents, and coaches alike, undoubtedly having been taught their own brand of sportsmanship by their coach, the esteemed president of the Arapahoe Youth League.

One of our coaches is the father of the mowed down quarterback, and he was visibly as well as justifiably upset.  That was an intentional late hit by two players, each of them easily double the size of our quarterback, being taught to play dirty football.  It makes ones head shake, dirty football being taught to 12 & 13 year olds, by adults they have been told to trust and look up to.  The officials were all over the supposed "Holding" call, but they can't see an intentional late hit less than a yard away?  Smells a little fishy.  Or like greenbacks, to me.

The quarterback suffered a serious concussion, one that took him out for the rest of the season, but before we knew that, while we were still trying to play this rigged game out fairly,  his dad was justifiably heated, asking loudly, but respectfully, with no cursing, how they can see the supposed "Holding" but no late hit?

After this incident, there were several more "Intentional Grounding" flags thrown on our Spartan Bronze quarterback, and I can't even blame the little dude if he was in fact trying to dump the ball, although I believe he plays hard in every moment.  The officials had made it clear to the opposing team they weren't going to be penalized for late hits, as well as having been real clear with our quarterback he was not going to get any protection from them, which is their job to provide.

Beautiful Cheerleader, NicNoodle!

However, the final straw came when an opposing player ran out of bounds a good few yards before the goal line and that was called a touchdown.  The younger official, nearest the play, indicated no scare, but the older official, all the way at the other end of the field (gotta watch for those crazy Spartan holders, you know, and make sure the Bruins were gonna get more chances to beat up the quarterback, totally sanctioned) called it a touchdown.  Unbelievable, but it is all caught on tape.  At this point, some of our parents became quite vocal, although again, no cursing, no threat, just a bunch of "Come on"s and "How could you"s, not to mention support for Spartan Bronze, "That's all right, guys.  You got this anyway.  You have skills, you don't need luck!"

At this point in the fourth quarter, Spartan Bronze should have been up 19-12, even without our called back touchdowns and even with the touchdown the Bruins never scored but got counted.  The head official, Mister Talking Back to All the Parents, Mister I Let Tiny QBs Take Nasty Late Hits, Mister I Throw a Flag on Every Play the Spartans Benefit From & Make up a Plausible Penalty Later, called a forfeit on Spartan Bronze, due to the loud grumbling of the parents on the sidelines.  At least, that was the reason we were given, but I believe, in my entire heart and being, that the truth of the matter is Spartan Bronze was well on the verge of beating the supposed best team in the AYL, and the paid off officials couldn't allow that to happen.  They were even looking to the opposite sideline, to the coach and president of the AYL, to hear what penalty they were supposed to call.  Spartan Bronze was about to score again and seal the deal of the win, as there were only a handful of plays left in the game.  When the forfeit (another thing almost unheard of at this level) was called, the coach of the opposing team, who is the president of the Arapahoe Youth League, led his team and his players in clapping loudly.  They can't applaud a hurt little dude regaining his feet, but they can clap for the shame of a forfeited game they were never going to win?  Who the hell claps like that?  If it were my team, I would have insisted they play it out, because they sent a very clear message to the opposing teams' players, that they were well aware the Bruins couldn't beat Spartan Bronze on skill.

The other team didn't bother to come across the field to high five each other, or even huddle up to discuss the game themselves.  They just slunk off the field, one by one, in shame, which they needed to feel.  Their coach has taught them to play dirty, the entire coaching staff was clear to them they did not believe they could win this game, and their parents were complicit in all of this.

However, Spartan Bronze all huddled up together, because they are a team, and they win together, they lose together, and apparently they, through no fault of their own, forfeit together.  19 teenage boys crying in unison, and  we all know 12 & 13 year old boys don't cry at all if there can be any help at all for it.  We have been telling them to just do their best, and leave the rest up to us, the adults, the coaches, the refs, the people in charge, and now their faith has been shattered.

Eli in glorious football whites!

I don't think there has been any Justice for our boys in this situation, but this is a pretty damn ugly Justice card, full of slimy creatures from the dark places.  Spartan Bronze played their hearts out that day, and they played a game to be proud of.  The parents, on both sides of the field, the officials in the pocket of the AYL's president, and the poor sportsmanship of the opposing team, coached and led by the president of the Arapahoe Youth League, stole this game from some very deserving young men.

The quarterback of Spartan Bronze suffered the most serious concussion possible, and may never play football again, and all because the officials did not care about our kids getting hurt.  The QBs father, one of our coaches, and an ordained minister, was suspended for the season, for yelling at the officials for not protecting his son.  Our head Coach was suspended for the next game, as is protocol when a game is forfeited, and the remaining two coaches had a rough time in the following game.

The young men, and even we as parents, got a very hard lesson that we don't always get Justice, even when we deserve it, and sometimes when Justice is served, we still don't get to see it.  The boys from the opposing team left without pride, and that is so sad for young men to be that jaded, beginning to corrupt around the edges.  This lack of Justice, at least in a tangible way we can see and know about, is particularly hard on my Little Big Man, as he is a Libra, who rules Justice, and he really needs for thing to be fair.  We have all got a hard lesson in, "It's not right, but it's okay.  I'm gonna make it anyway" (thank you, Whitney Houston) and they are being taught honor over winning at any cost, which will serve them better in life.  They lost one game.  The Cherry Creek Bruins, Coach McMinimee's team, are well on their way to losing at life, and that is too sad for young men who probably do have some talent.

Deviant Moon Tarot- Page of Wands

The Shadow Card is the Page of Wands, who often indicates in my reading one of my 13 year old sons, is here to tell me that the other 13 year old has not enjoyed football season as much a the rest of us have.  He is in a rough spot.  He loves his dad, with every fiber of his being, and it is hard for him to share his dad with the other kids.  We tell him we are a family, we support each other, and we want to support and be there for him just as much as he has been supporting his brother and sister.  What we have not told him, because it is not his burden to bear, is that his mother deliberately keeps us from knowing what is going on with him, so we can't show up, then, and based on the things he has said to us, he is told that Danica and Eli take priority and we will never let him do the things he loves, which is the vilest kind of lie.  He is every bit as important to us, and we will make every effort he gets to do any activity he wants, including paying for it and attending functions.  Also, despite being 13, he does not always think on the level we expect 13 year olds to think.  We have emphasized over and over that football is brief, and when it is over our weekends will calm down again, but three months can seem like forever to little kids.We would be just as happy to let him stay home on these football days, if we got more than a handful of days a month with him, but a it is now, this has to be family time, too.  Based on his unsolicited comments, it also seems that he is being told, from the other side of his family, that this part of it is not his real family, and he doesn't have to participate in it.  This is particularly damaging because I believe he wants to be part of this family.  He loves his dad.  He wants to love his new siblings.  I try very hard to make his life here seamless and that he is aware how loved he is, how precious, how we would do anything for him.  This poor kid feels like he is on thin ice no matter what he may do, and he is just trying to navigate this slippery slope as best as he can, and it is heart breaking to watch.

Thanks for sticking with me through this long, vain post, full of pictures of my awesome Spartans!  I am so grateful for my ex to cooperate and allow Nicoodle to participate, and his wife to help get her where she has needed to be.  I am so grateful to Grandpa and Grandma Fluffy, for coming to support the kids whenever they could, to my aunt and brother who did the same, and of course Uncle Billy & Auntie Des, and the cousins, who push my kids, who support them, and who always make them feel special!  Thank you to my 17 year old young men, who have come when they could, and never voiced a complaint when football has had to come first.  Most of all, I need to thank my amazing husband, a very good dad, for making the sacrifices, both time and money, to make this possible for the kids.  We have given up several evenings a week and most of our weekends for the past three months, and I am not sure there are a lot of people who would do that for "stepkids".  I love you all, and the kids and I are blessed to have you in our lives!

These cards are from Deviant Moon Tarot by Patrick Valenza, published by U.S. Games System, Inc.

Waving Goodbye to Tarot of the Mystic Spiral

Tarot of the Mystic Spiral- Lovers, World, Knave of Chalices

 I asked the Tarot of the Mystic Spiral to tell me about our time together while I used it this week, and I think it was very apt in the answer!

The Lovers cavort unfettered by clothes, guile, or shame outside.  That was me coming to this deck.  Being slightly non-traditional, and not the deck I intended to work with this week, I had to put aside what I thought I knew about the deck and accept just as it is.  Once I did that, we got along famously, with the deck being very easy for me to read.  Coupled with the next card, The World, I can see that it was nearly a match made in heaven.

The World speaks to both the completeness of the week, that my business with this deck is now concluded, and the synergy I enjoyed while using it.  The next card, which would be the Page of Cups in a Waite Smith tradition, is a card that often suggests to me psychic abilities, and the ease I had in reading with Tarot of the Mystic Spiral certainly made it feel like ideas and stories were just popping into my head.

The third card, the Knave of Chalices, depicts Phidias as he contemplates art at the Acropolis, and the Little White Book describes it as artistic sensitivity on display.  I think that this card shows me looking into the images for the meanings, as the deck does not strictly adhere to any tradition I am familiar with, and that caused me to use intuitive abilities a little more, which is fine with me as it is always good to stretch.

Tarot of the Mystic Spiral- King of Swords

The Shadow Card of the Reading is the King of Swords, and I think this stern fellow came along because I was not completely enamored of this deck when I picked it up.  I was hoping to use something else, but nothing really called to me, and it was really a pragmatic decision to use Tarot of the Mystic Spiral, though it turned out to be a great one for me.  I had to let die my notion of what deck I was going to use, and mourning it almost caused me to miss out on a gem.  I made the choice completely devoid of emotion, including excitement, and it still turned out just fine!





These cards are from Tarot of the Mystic Spiral by Giovanni Pelosini and Giuseppe Palumbo, published by Lo Scarabeo.

Daily Draw - Wheel of Fortune, Four of Pentacles, World

Crystal Visions Tarot- Wheel of Fortune, Four of Pentacles, World

This set of cards today speak to me about changing fortunes, and a good way to cope with those changes.

The Wheel goes up, the Wheel comes down, and that is just a part of life.  I waited tables for years, and a trick I had to learn to keep myself together was that of saving when times were good.  Some shifts brought in a couple hundred dollars; some I would have made more if I worked at McDonald's.  It's good to remember to save when we have money, and to spend judiciously at all times.  This isn't always easy for me, I know it's not easy for most people.  We have a few dollars in our pockets and after all, we deserve it, right?  Commercials tell us we're worth it and we want to believe it.

The World urges that we garner our worth from inner contentment.  The Wheel and the World are similar images, the spheres resting upon the lotus leaf.  There is nothing wrong with wanting abundance and prosperity, and even when we do not covet material things we all have to eat.  The bloom in the Wheel looks a bit trodden upon, though, while the World's sparkles.  I am reminded that even when I decide that groceries are a better use of my money than new boots, I am a very rich woman- children I adore, a man who is better than my wildest fantasies, a home to care for, talents to nurture, friends and family, and the beautiful blend when the two become one.

The combination of the two Majors bookcasing the Four of Pentacles also brings to mind the thought of hoarding time, which is the most precious resource we all have.  More money is findable, things can be replaced, but time is gone forever once its been squandered, and squandering time is one of my worst habits.  I lose it everywhere!  I have so many interests, and so many people pulling at me, but seeing the central figure demonstrates to me how important it is that I put the brakes on and make priorities, and then stick to them.  My family is first and foremost, then my art and business, and everything else has to fall in behind those things.

Crystal Visions Tarot- Three of Swords

 

 

The shadow card today is the Three of Swords, a tangible reminder to look at things as they really are, and not as I might wish they were.  This card shows me when I need to grieve, but remind me not to get stuck in grief.  I have made mistakes, with time, with money, with my business, with my relationships, but they are not the sum total of who I am and what I have to offer.  They a just one piece, and making mistakes paves the way for success as we learn what doesn't work.




These cards are from Crystal Visions Tarot by Jennifer Galasso for U.S. Games Systems, Inc.