With An Open Heart

Last weekend I ran into a friend at a local shop, and she pointed out to me I had not posted since May.  That's true, and only partly has to do with my back issues.  I think the biggest thing, is me deciding how to write about tarot and my life without boring people with details they don't want about my life.  Then it hit me, I like to read about tarot, and even more about my friend's lives.  Trying to keep it all professional and cool here is making me not want to write, because while I can certainly conduct myself in a professional manner, I am not cool at all, and nothing is more deeply personal than tarot.

• Some people stop here to ogle my decks (tarot porn for the win).
• Some people stop here because they like to read about tarot, and I hope I offer some twists to the cards.  (This is one of my main reasons for reading tarot related blogs.)
• Some people are literary voyeurs (I know I am one) and like to read about the happenings of other people's lives.
• Some people appreciate my reviews (I love all reviews; helps decide where to spend my hard won pennies). 

I am going to keep providing all those things, and maybe some new ones, but I am not going to censor myself anymore, because censure feels unnatural to me.  I will lose some readers, but hopefully gain more that want to be here.

So here is what is going on in my world (I want you all to know that I love my life!  I am the happiest I have ever been and I have pretty much everything I have ever wanted.  I am living my happily ever after, but it turns out you don't write The End and then go on smiling and kissing while butterflies flit about your heads.  You live the damn thing!)-

• Baby mama drama the likes of which I have never experienced (and I pray to Goddess never caused).  My poor husband, my poor stepsons.  It's really, really bad, and occupies a lot of my thoughts.
• Sickness in the family.  My kids' stepmom is expecting a baby brother for them in September, and she is battling Hodgkins lymphoma herself.  This stresses my kids out and also occupies a lot of my thoughts.
• Sickness on the home front.  I need surgery on this herniated disc because apparently spewing spinal fluid all over my insides is all the rage in my fifth lumbar.  Let the good times roll.  The Man's entire digestive system is exacting revenge for all the years of cheeseburgers and day old chicken he forced upon it before he became vegetarian by proxy (by marrying me).  We sleep four solid hours on a good night, the rest, if we get it, broken up.
• Teenager drama.  We have four of them, and the Baby Girl is 10 going on 19 so she may as well be one.  Lord grant me serenity, and all that, because I need it.
• BFF drama.  My best friend punched me in the face last summer.  I almost died off shock, but it makes me laugh to even write that sentence today.  Surreal!  Somehow I managed to make it all the way through childhood and adolescence without some girl ever pulling my hair and calling me names, but in my mid 30s the person I love best in the world did it.  It was like every episode of Bad Girls Club brought home to Colorado and I am not sure we are recovered yet.
• This damn economy.  Turns out a herniated disc that progressively requires more and more medication to manage the pain of kinda ruins working conditions, so I have not been working a lot.  On top of which, getting a tarot reading is not at the top of people's lists of Needs when gas is so dear and groceries go up day by day.  Add to that, The Man's company gave him a "promotion" that required a transfer to a much further location, thusly costing more time and expense to get to, and sneakily cut his pay by about a third.  Then they gave us new, crappier insurance, which we pay more for, so cut our benefits.  Bastards.

I hope this doesn't come across as complaining, because I am well aware we are blessed in many ways more important than these things I have listed.  I am aware our troubles are no worse than anyone else's, and in many ways they are less.  We have a home, we have each other, we aren't likely to go hungry anytime soon, and we have (expensive and less than before) insurance.  It's just that I try to keep these kinds of things out of my Daily Draws, but you know what?  They aren't going to stay out, because most days look startling alike in my world (which is how I want it) except for the waves and nuances of these situations.

I pulled a few cards from the Egyptian Oracle Cards to describe my new found freedom.  They practically sang to me.

Egyptian Oracle by Lo Scarabeo- King of Diamonds, Five of Spades, Ten of Hearts

The stern man in the first card speaks of business, trade and alliances.  The book enthusiastically intones, "If you have learned the value of honesty and of giving you have nothing to fear from this man."  I can say with no trepidation that I have nothing to fear from him, and he is here to give a nod of approval to my course.

The second card is Death, and in the card I see a new rising from letting go of what is no longer working for me.  It's hard to let go, but it's easier when we can get excited about what comes next for us, and I am!

The final card shows a dancer reveling in her freedom.  Again, from the book, "Purposes must be clear and simple; the capacity to adapt oneself will keep setbacks, defeats and strife at bay."  My purpose has cleared up, and I am all for keeping those things at bay.

Thanks for sticking with me folks!  Much love to all of you!





These cards are from Egyptian Oracle Cards by Pierluca Zizzi and Severino Baraldi, publsihed by Lo Scarabeo.

As You Wish Healing Light

I am long overdue to tell you all about the Dare To Live The Possibilities session I had with Pip Miller at As You Wish Healing Light, and my only excuse is this healing session shook some things loose in my life that needed to be set right before I could write about it.

To start with, Pip is extremely gracious and easy to work with.  Her sweet disposition and evident compassion put me at ease right away.  I was unsure what to expect from the session but she reassured me and gave me great advice each step of the way.  Thank you, Pip!

I elected to have the session on a quiet Saturday afternoon, an oxymoron if I have ever heard one, at least in my house, but The Man was kind enough to take the kidtauplets out for the day.  I put on some fresh jammies and made myself a glass of iced tea, lit some incense, and sat on my bed.  And sat. And sat.  My specific focus was on releasing whatever may have been blocking me from growing my business.  I could definitely feel a buzz in the air, a tingling sensation that flitted about different parts of my body, and a general sense of well being and ease.  Most of the session was perfectly comfortable and light feeling, though about halfway through I got an intense pain at a place I can only describe as seeming to be the very middle of my brain, which I do not believe I have ever felt before.  It was momentary, and funnily enough I fell asleep almost as soon as it began.  While dozing, I had the sweetest, lightest dreams, full of soft filtered light and deep comfort.  My eyes fluttered open at exactly 3:31, which was the end time for the session, and I felt absolutely wonderful.  Fantastic! Well rested!  No sign of headache, and even my quarrelsome back was quiet.

I can't tell you how Pip's Healing Light helped my business, but I can't tell you how tarot cards work either, only that I know they do.  Having not changed a single thing about my business, I can tell you I now have a steady stream of clients, where there was only a trickle before.  For me, it is not as much about honing my skills, because that is a lifelong pursuit I will never finish, but about getting the right clients that I can help with my specific talents.  I know there was a release of something in that session that made me more visible and attractive to the people I can help.

Even more important than my business are my personal relationships, and most of those have undergone a transformation in the past few weeks, and that was not even what I asked for.  I thought I was happy, I was in fact happy, but everything is better today than it ever was before.

I have a metric ton of trust issues, stemming back to my childhood and every choice I made as an adult only served to bring me into relationship with people who would reinforce my deep seated belief that I was not worth loving, that everyone would eventually see something rotten in me and (rightfully) get away as quickly as they could.  I have been actively counteracting that old belief and working to build a new mindset for myself for several years now, but tearing down these kinds of strongholds can be a lengthy process.  The Man is a prince among men, I swear he is, and is extremely patient with me, as well as endlessly loving.  He has never done a single thing to shake my faith in him or make me doubt his boundless love for me, but something happened between us, through no fault of his, that made me question everything I thought I knew.  This process was utterly wretched while going through it, I am not going to lie, but completing it together made me more sure than ever how much I love him, how he loves me, how right this life is for both of us.  The timing of this incident, and the feeling I had in my gut, the same as I experienced while the session was taking place, make me sure that something Pip did shook this thing loose for me.  The Man and I were rock solid before, and even more so now.  I did not enjoy that brief period of the shake up, but I am beyond thrilled and happy with the end result.  I have Pip to thank for that.  (TMI alert, but the bedroom has been a rocking place to be since then, too.  It was always good, but it is definitely pumped up a notch or three since then.  Extra kudos to Pip for that!)

My oldest son, I nearly typed boy but at 17 and 6'2 he is nearly a man grown, is the light of my life and I am deeply crazy about him.  And I am being driven deeply crazy by him.  I adore all my kids, all five of the monsters, but I am absolutely certain J and I have some life lessons we were brought together here to learn.  He is the most like me, and we act as mirrors to each other, reflecting both our positive and our demons, one to the other.  Our shared birth date and sense of dry humor and our passion for using words all point to these things.  I think it must be very difficult to be a young man who identifies so deeply with his mother, and he has been very clear about the reflections he sees in me that cause him grief.  The quality of our relationship has suffered, and while our stubborn Taurean hearts will never let us walk away from anyone, I think there have been moments we have both thought it may be easier.  The session I had with Pip marked a turning point in the communication we have been sharing, my son and I, and while there was also the flavor of intense struggle in this situation, just as easily there was a nearly audible popping sensation, and the communication has flowed, and been effective, since then.  I don't even have any words for the gratitude I feel.  Even though I see or speak to him every day, I missed my J man.  I missed him so much there was a giant gash in my being, and nothing could repair or fill it.  Nothing but him, and what was lost has been restored, and I have nothing but optimism for the future for us, as mother and son, and as Mandy and Jarin.

The third relationship that I experienced a shift in was that with the person I still call my best friend.  We have drifted, and at times pushed each other, apart.  While that relationship is going through its' own sets of ups and downs, there was a new type of dialogue opened, and that makes me incredibly hopeful for the future of us.

I like The Ex better than I have in years, I am participating in the repair of other relationships I had given up as lost, I am madly in love with my husband, my kids, and my life.  I am bringing in more cash, always a help when you have that many moppets wanting to eat every single night, and more importantly, I am reaching more people I can help with my work.  My intuitive and empathic abilities are flowing much more easily than they were, and I am finding it easier to make better choices about my lifestyle than I was previously.  Yoga and a walk are looking way better than a three way with Ben and Jerry, so they have been exorcised to a more proper place in my life.

A session with Pip is not a magic pill to cure what ails you, but it is a viable piece of caring for yourself holistically, and for me, it was exactly the kind of jump start I needed for my relationships, career, and general well being.  Thank you so much, Pip!  I am so grateful for the gift of your friendship and the incredible, unique service you offer to people.