Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Resistance, With a Capital "R"

When I attended the well received webinar this morning many of my questions about this deck were answered, but many more were raised, which is, in my opinion, the sign of a good class.  I had a wonderful time and I look forward to interacting with the other attendees and hopefully another webinar in the future!

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Starseed (The Fool)
One of the things Patrica Cori suggested was that we should each spend some time with this card, which is Trump 0, The Fool, but called Starseed in this deck because that is its' premise- that some of us arrive on Earth as Starseeds, with the approval or instruction of the Sirian High Council, to have some experiences or to learn some lessons, and to ultimately return, through Ascension (which, incidentally, is Trump XXI in this deck, The World) with information to share.  Her suggestion was to figure how how we relate to this card, because if we are attracted to this deck, we are a Starseed, and through meditation upon the image would realize it.

No problem, I thought to myself.  I have this laid up back and I am not really allowed to do much but lay around, read, and think, so I have plenty of time to spend with this card.  Not so!  Did you know there are two kinds of resistance (yes, I know technically more but my posts have been epic lately, so I need to keep it trim)?  There is resistance with a lower case "r" which basically means you just don't feel like doing something, and there is Resistance, with a capital "R", which means you need, absolutely must, for the good of your soul and all of humanity, do, or usually create, a particular thing, but suddenly everything else seems more important.  For example, if I was tired or over medicated so I took a nap instead of doing the meditation with this card, that would be small "r" resistance.  But nooooo, suddenly I was taken with the urge to shampoo the carpets, something which would have my husband and my surgeon simultaneously having separate but equally large cows, and while I did not clean my carpets (I only spent the rest of the afternoon Pinning ways I could) that is an excellent example of Resistance with a capital "R", the kind that happens because you are meant to be doing something, and I had a massive dose of that yesterday.  Most artists, writers, and creative will be familiar with capital "R" Resistance because we usually get it when we are about to do, write, or create something really, massively important, and suddenly we'd rather do the dishes, clean the grout, reorganize our social media, or any other mundane, boring thing we usually put off and dread, because the fear of bringing the thing we must bring into the world is worse than the utter boredom and mindlessness of these chores.  Capital "R" Resistance is closely related to fear and shame and feelings of inadequacy.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Karma (Judgment)
So, to have that kind of reaction tells me there is something important in this deck for me and I want to know the source of my capital "R" Resistance, so I asked the deck.  It answered with Karma.  The title itself, when taken just as the word, is very telling, and relates back to both of the posts I have already made about the deck, first, and second.  It's a lot of information to recap, but basically I struggle with a lot of self esteem issues, a few of which are just good common sense, because I earned them, in this life (and I am working on rectifying that, as I can), some of which are cellular, racial memory, some of which are, I am ashamed to admit, probably a way of drawing attention to myself and getting people to say nice things to me to boost my ego ("Oh, Mandy, you're so smart, pretty, talented.") and some of which I just don't know where they come from.  Being human, I suppose.

Secondly, Karma is a huge part of being a Starseed, as I understand it (and please understand that my understanding of this concept IS limited) so that made me think maybe there is something to this Starseed thing and if there is I am going to be learning some things and when I learn those things I am going to be expected to do better, which is basically a continuation of my mini rant in the Master of Flames section in this post.

Then there is the imagery, which is where all tarot must begin and end, as it is a visual language.  If you just want to work with 78, or 156, if you use reversals, premade meanings, choose them, write them on index cards, and be done with it.  It will be cheaper than a tarot deck, and less work on your part as a reader.  What this picture looks like most to me, at first glance, is a babe emerging from the birth canal, although this rendition is much prettier than the real deal (hell, no I do not want a mirror to watch, thank you, blessed, wonderful midwife who is helping me get through this natural birth), if that is even what the lovely lady creators meant to evoke.  There are other aspects to the card, but that is my strongest impression of it at this moment, so that is the most important thing about it, this time at least.  The next time I draw the card it may be something else, for this is how intuition works with tarot, and all images.

This card is Trump XX, relating to Judgment in a Waite Smith tradition deck, and that card has its' own connotations and issues for me.  For myself, in my personal readings, it is often a spiritual call to awakening, or a reminder that my spiritual life is as important as my physical one, and deserves attention, too.  I also often read it as something along the lines of the old adage, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."   To me, that means that you may hear The Call, but only you can decide if you will answer it, and if you will, in what fashion.

So there is my answer- my Resistance with a capital "R" is that I am karmically linked to this deck in some way, and that I am not sure I am ready to undertake the responsibility of being so.  Not only that, but if indeed it is a spiritual call to action for me, I am not sure how or if I will answer.  It is taking me out of my comfort zone, and while I know I must leave that place to grow, it's warm and snuggly here, and I have always been the type that has to get a cosmic backhand to "get" my lessons.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Eight of Orbs (Swords)
What is my advice to deal with this Resistance?  The Eight of Orbs, which relate to Swords, or communications, thoughts, ideas, and words.

This woman is completed entangled in the vines, but the thing is they were grown from her own words and self doubt.  She can free herself by changing her thoughts, and the words she uses.

This image, incidentally, does not stray far from traditional Waite Smith imagery, while some of the cards do.

The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind... (It very well may be; Orbs/Swords are usually related to the element of Air, and in this deck definitely are.)

I think my glibness is in part to hide my discomfort, because my cerebral brain is having a very hard time wrapping itself around the possibility of me being a Starseed.  I am also scared silly of being laughed at if I find out I am, in fact, a Starseed, something special, and I am responsible for now owning that title.  I have no doubts that each one of you is something special, and I would assure you over and over you were, if I were asked or felt it was necessary, but I have a hard time seeing that in myself.

I would say this cards' answer to my question, what is my advice to counteract this Resistance, is that I am to free my mind, so that the rest can follow.  I should be very aware of my inner dialogue, and the ways I use that to limit myself and my potential.  I was absolutely sobbing earlier today, on my knees, head to the floor (no easy feat with this back), praying/pleading/sobbing that I be shown how I can bring in enough money to pay for the things my kids need to become who they are meant to be (those are music lessons, art supplies, sports, theater, school trips to DC, college for the oldest two, lawyer fees while we try to get two of them more often, because watching my kids blossom as they do these things has me convinced and convicted that they need them to grow into what they were brought onto this Earth to be).  This is a harsh lesson, but as I think I mentioned before, I learn all mine the hard way, and this card is telling me my internal dialogue is absolutely strangling who I am meant to be and all that I am meant to offer to this world.

Sirian Starseed Tarot- Guidance (Hierophant)
The Shadow Card, which is the card at the bottom of the deck for me (there is a card in this deck called The Shadow and if I draw it we will deal with it then) which I consider either a little extra bit of information, or because we have placed it as far from ourselves as possible, something we don't want to know, or deal with, is my old friend from Monday, Guidance.  I smiled the biggest grin when I saw this card, and I believe it is here to comfort me, because this has been a rough, deeply personal, and very raw reading, and I am sharing it publicly.  I get so much loving energy from this card, and I believe it appeared to show me I am not alone, I am Divinely guided, and never, not for a moment, forgotten, and neither are you.

I guess I ended up with another very long post, but I think these cards have a lot to say, and they are dragging up a lot of things deep inside me, which is probably another source of the capital "R" Resistance.  Thank you again for sticking with me.

These cards are from The Sirian Starseed Tarot by Patricia Cori and Alysa Bartha, published by North  Atlantic Books.

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