Daily Draw- Ace of Wands, Queen of Cups, Six of Cups

What I Did Well Today, What I Need to Leave Behind, What I Need To Carry Forward

Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan- Ace of Wands, Queen of Cups, Six of Cups

I am not happy today.  I feel the weight of many things on my shoulders, and my back continues to cause issues. My life choices have left me in a place where there is a lot of baby mama drama, and while it's peaceful with my own ex, that is never a guarantee.

What I did well today- Ace of Wands. I saw several times, in different forms, that proverb, "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." ~Richard Bach

I am also taking to heart Semisonic's lyrics- "Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings'end." I am heartsick and very sad but I still found joy. My hurt has made my day overcast, but it hasn't stolen all my joy. I won't let it.

What I need to leave behind today- Queen of Cups. My pain is causing me issues with my intuition, and I am being self indulgent of my bruised feelings. Honestly, I feel sorry for myself, and I have reasons to, but my problems are no worse than anyone else's. I need to buckle up my bootstraps, realize I took one day to cry, and let that be enough.

What I need to carry forward with me into tomorrow- Six of Cups.  There are two messages in this card, the first one being continue to create a happy, stable childhood for my kids. I managed to keep them shielded from my hurt, which is how it should be. They have their own concerns, book reports and sports, having the "right" hair and keeping up with chores. Children tend to believe adult issues stem from them, they are quick to believe they are at fault, and my kids are exquisite. I am blessed and they bring me joy every day. I hope one day they can look back and feel they had a happy childhood.

The other message for me in the Six of Cups is that I need to hold tight to my good memories, and not let anything corrupt them. We have a tendency to rewrite history when things don't turn out the way we wanted, and often in a fit of sour grapes say, "I didn't want that anyway." Well, I did want it, and I would have done almost anything to have it, and I have millions of beautiful, poignant memories to carry with me. I regret nothing.

Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan- Queen of Swords

The Queen of Swords appears as the Shadow Card, and she is here to remind me that I am not perfect. I have a sharp tongue, which I try to control, but sometimes it feels damn good to let it all hang out  I try to THINK before I speak (is it True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, is it Kind?) but I have failed at that today and I have to own that.










These images come from the Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan and Mark Evans, published by Llewellyn.

Why Is She Contacting My Ex?

First, a little housekeeping- I am going to do my level best to get posts up all week, because I like to use decks before I review them, get a couple book reviews up, because I've read some great ones, and the reviews for the last couple decks I have used.  Next week I am undergoing another surgery but I am done letting my back rule the roost around here.

This is going to be a bit of a personal blog, but I am done with living my life in compartments.  I am all of me.  What I am wondering today is, "Why is my husband's baby mama contacting my kids dad?"

Witches Trot by Ellen Dugan- Page of Wands, Five of Swords, The Hermit

She has been messaging him on Facebook, and he believes trying to call, which is making him uncomfortable, because while we decided not to stay together, we have remained a solid parenting team, on good terms.  The answer lies in these three cards, The Page of Wands, Five of Swords, and The Hermit.  The Page and The Hermit flank the Five of Swords, so I know they are both focused on that card, and with its' middle position it carries extra weight in the reading.  This Page is a bright and happy portrayal, perhaps overly so.  Pages are inquisitive, and often represent news or information.  Often, for me, the Page of Wands presents himself in my readings as one of my 13 year old sons, one of which I share with her.  I believe that based on information she has (probably grilled him for, but that is personal, not from the cards, although that Five of Swords is a sneaky one at times) from him, she feels compelled to seek out information from someone that is not me, although I have been forthcoming whenever she asks me questions.  I firmly believe, and have irrefutable proof, that she is not always as honest with my husband and me as I am with her, and so she probably expects other people to have the same standards for themselves she has for herself.  I believe this Page also represents her presenting herself as a friendly, likable person who my ex should ally with.

This Five of Swords is a gentler representation than we might usually see, although it is rife with fairies, and while they often take a positive interest in human affairs, the are fickle, and just as likely to meddle in them.  I have never encountered a fairy, that I know of, but if I did I would hope I would be wise enough not to trust one.  I think she would like to be seen as harmless, innocent, and just reaching out to someone, but in reality she is grasping for information she has no right to, and the joke is really on her, because there is nothing to hide.  Fives are wretchedly unstable, and often represent strife, while Swords have to do with communications.  She would like to gain something that does not rightfully belong to her, and she is trying to do so with words.

The Hermit is the only Major Arcana in this reading but he is turned inward towards the Five of Swords, so he is concerned with the action happening there.  She feels very alone, and that no one is on her side.  She would like to sway my ex to her side.  She does not realize that the way we feel is not always an accurate representation of what actually is, and that is sad.  There is no reason for her to be alone.  She is a single parent, but my husband and I stand ready to help in any way.  I have been a single mom and I have incredible compassion for that situation.  Unfortunately, accepting, or even asking for that help would bring about a loss of control she cannot face.  She has screamed at me in the past that she is a single parent, they are her kids only, and all she wants from my husband is our money.  She wants to be alone, because that is the only way she can order her world exactly as she wants it.

Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan- The Moon

The Shadow card, a piece of hidden information at the bottom of the deck, something I may not want to face is The Moon.  I need to come to grips with the fact that I can't make her be honest by being honest myself.  She is conducting herself in numerous shady ways, and I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt because I love the kids so much I can't imagine hating anyone enough to hurt the kids just to see the hated person in an uncomfortable situation, so I can't wrap my mind around the reasoning of some of the things that happen.  The Moon can often represent deceit, and anxiety, and it is time for me to face she probably is being duplicitous, as much as I want to trust her and have a good, working relationship.  Her dishonesty and maneuvering probably comes from anxiety, because the current court proceedings will change all of our lives forever, hopefully for the better for everyone, even her, but I can't force her to look at all sides.  I also don't have time to allow myself to be anxious about whatever she may do, because I have no control over her.  I have to trust anyone she may contact to do the right thing, and I have to trust that since I live my life on the up and up there is nothing to worry about.  I live my life in such a way I would be proud to have most anything I do be public knowledge, and I am raising excellent kids.

I'm not unbiased in this reading.  It concerns my kids, so I am invested with everything I have.  It concerns my family, so I can't afford the luxury of cool distance.  I do believe I am reading the cards in an accurate way, and when I read for myself I check myself by making sure I would be saying the same to a client.  Neither am I perfect, but one thing I have learned is my kids' happiness and well being trumps any negative feelings I may have towards their other parent.

More to come, unfortunately....






These cards are from the Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan and Mark Evans, published by Lo Scarabeo.

Daily Draw- Page of Wands, Seven of Cups, Page Pentacles

Today I am using a reflective spread with positions.  It originally came from a forum member named Thorhammer, and while I gladly credit this sassy lady from Down Under with creating the spread, the forum no longer gets my endorsement, so I won't link it up here.

Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan- Page of Wands, Seven of Cups, Page of Pentacles

The first card represents What I Did Well Today, and is answered with the Page of Wands. What I did well today was be enthusiastic and creative.  The rendering of this optimistic Page makes him appear almost as a mini-Fool, with a cat familiar and an infectious grin. I followed my bliss, even when I was scared, and I was well rewarded for that.

What Do I Need To Leave Behind From Today? Seven of Cups. I tend to think that I can do everything all at once, that I can juggle everything, like the wizard in this card who has the Cups all dong his bidding, all under his control. The truth of the matter is, especially with my (for the moment) compromised health, I have to prioritize and let good things go, saving myself for only the best ones. I have to be wise about what things I choose to give my precious time and energy to.

What Do I Need To Carry Forward With Me From Today? Page of Pentacles. In my work, some seeds were planted today, and I brainstormed a lot of great ideas to sow and tend those seeds. It is absolutely imperative I commit to those plans and move them forward. This is also a lovely card reflecting where I did some readings today. Usually I sit in a sacred space in my home, but today I was drawn to set up beneath a beautiful tree. I need to remember to do that when I feel called, when the weather allows, because the energy of Nature around me was uplifting, soothing, and the readings were great! Happy clients make for a happy reader.

Witches Tarot- Ten of CUps

The Shadow card of this reading is the Ten of Cups- Last week was a hard one, and we have more hard ones coming up. I let that hardness rob me of some of my joy, and I need to be careful to keep my circumstances separate from my happiness. I have every good thing in life, and the curve balls life is throwing me can't change that.






These cards are from the Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan and Mark Evans, published by Lo Scarabeo.

Radio Show Tonight!

Witches Tarot- Eight of Wands

Guess what?  Mackenzie Knight of Unearthly Encounters has asked me to join her tonight, to offer free tarot readings for you live!  6pm Mountain time, no dress code enforced.  I would love to hear from you, or for you to just listen, either live or in archive later.  You can call in, listen via Skype, or at the site of the show. I'd love to chat with you!  Join in the fun (hopefully) and enlightenment (double hopefully) here.

The Eight of Wands is often a card about communications, and because tarot is a living language, as our world has become more cyber connected, the cards are evolving to encompass new meanings.  I often receive this card in regards to quick flying messages, like email, or internet radio.  This version of the card looks so much like my beloved Plains home, nestled right up against the Rocky Mountains, and the beautiful lemon sunshine that spills over our state most days.





This card is from The Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan and Mark Evans, published by Llewellyn.

WTF Tarot- WTF Am I So Scared Of?

Witches Tarot- Nine of Swords

You don't have to believe me, but I have been using the cards long enough to be highly aware that many times, they will eff with you, particularly if they feel effed with first. While in my head I know they are just paper and ink, in my heart I know they react to my moods and feelings.

My question was this- "WTF am I so scared of?" and in a twist of irony, I got the Nine of Swords. "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." has to be one of the most overused quotes in all of history (apologies, former President Franklin D. Roosevelt) but that is pretty much exactly what the card(s) told me in response.

The Nine of Swords is all about worry and anguish, staying up all night lamenting what may come, effectively praying for what we don't want. I feel lately like all I am is one giant stress ball of worry. I worry about my back, and this is a good depiction of back pain as well, its' untender mercies, and any sufferer of chronic pain knows that worrying about the pain only makes it worse. I worry about money, directly related to my back, because I can't work two jobs to make ends meet (not that I want to) and I am not even doing so hot with just the one at the moment. I worry about my kids, particularly my stepsons who are being put through the wringer in a custody dispute at the moment. I worry that their mom is a psychic vampire who is literally trying to drain me and/or my husband dry (see, there are even bite marks on her neck) and she has been clear she has no intention of being at peace, has no desire for it, even for the sake of the boys, and we have no choice but to cope with her and her drama because we love those kids.

And funny I should mention drama, because according to Ellen Dugan, celebrated witch and author and co-creator of this deck writes this about the card, "This is the 'drama queen' card. When it turns up in a reading, it symbolizes a person who is always having a crisis or causing drama in coven dynamics or social situations." Which gave me pause for thought- What if I'm the drama queen? That terrifies me. I just want to be chill, do me, and live my life at peace. Even so, I will be the first one to tell you that most people who have to tell you they hate drama actually love it and call it to themselves. Not wanting drama should be one of those things that is just reflected in the way you live your life. For someone who doesn't want drama, I sure seem to have a lot of it in my life.

Witches Tarot Page of Swords, King of Cups

I am a huge believer in cleaning up your messes, and I never leave a client with a giant pile of doo for a reading and tell them just to deal with it. I help them find advice and answers, so I have to be at least as kind to myself.

How can I best cope with my fear as expressed in the Nine of Swords? I pulled the Page of Swords, but that little booger was attached to the King of Cups, so I am going to read them together.

Look how ferocious that Page of Swords is! I'll bet he is just trembling under the weight of that Sword, but his determined face is never going to let that show. He stands at the ready. Pages are the youngest members of the Court, so they carry with them a certain innocence. Swords are about our thoughts, ideas, words, and communications. This rendition leaves no doubt that this Page stands at the ready, and he will do whatever is necessary, but I am just as sure he would be willing to sheathe that weapon if peace could be wrought.

So my first piece of advice is to stay vigilant, but use my words wisely. I need to be as ready for peace as I am for war.

The King of Cups rules from a solid rock amidst the crashing waves of the ocean. He is an island not himself, fully aware of his emotions all around him, but not being swept away by them. Those waters can also signify intuition, and this King is finely in tune with his. The advice of this card is to practice making myself still among these storms of life, because that is the only way I can hear what is true.

I love the cards. Not just these particular ones, but The Cards. They always have something interesting to say, usually something helpful,  and often something funny.





These cards are from The Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan and Mark Evans, published by Llewellyn.

Four Weeks Out

Tarot of the Sidhe- Dreamer Four; Restoration

Four weeks ago today I walked into the hospital at 5 o'clock in the morning, clutching my honey's hand, and being presented a bill for $164.92, the balance of our deductibles for the year, because many years have passed without us ever reaching our out of pocket responsibilities, but this year United Healthcare is feeling the crunch from Clan Donnelly.  My surgeon arrived minutes before the procedure was to start, in blue jeans and a tee shirt, reassuring me everything was going to be just fine.

And mostly, it has been.

I did not know, whether it was not explained fully to me, or in my pain haze I did not hear, that a herniated disc often gets worse after surgery, then gets better.  The nerve that had not been sending any messages at all is suddenly alive, and cranky, now sending messages, but all of them pissed off ones.  This, too, will pass.  A round of steroids, oral and injected, some more rest, some physical therapy and I will be on track for being totally healthy again.  The end is in sight.  I just can't feel it yet.

In addition, we are now embroiled (not too strong a word) in a custody situation that started with my husband daring to ask to not have any of his four days a month with his sons taken away.  That kind of stress, and money spent, comes at a bad time for us, but we are madly in love anyway, and these kids are worth anything we have to do.

The Ex and his wife continue with their health issues, although improving, and the tiniest, cutest, but earliest brand new baby ever, so we try to pitch in and offer a helping hand to them as we can, as they are comfortable accepting.

The Little Big Man and my nephew have started the football season, and NicNoodle has decided to be a Cheerleader this year, so we are immensely busy with that every weekend.  The 17 year olds are mostly too busy for their old mom and dad, and that is how it should be.  Life goes on, even with a herniated disc.

I am just stopping by to post, to say, "Hello!" to tell you all that I am not dead, though sometimes the pain has been pretty bad.  I hope to have a couple reviews up soon, and be back to regular programming as soon as I can comfortably sit in this computer chair long enough to string together some coherent thoughts about life, tarot, learning, love, pain, the whole big, beautiful mess.

I am looking forward to rising, strong and tall, like the figure on the card, which would be the Four of Swords had Emily chosen to name her suits traditionally (I am so glad she didn't!).  I believe, fervently, with everything I have, in a loving Source, who promises that no trials are for naught, that everything that has ever been lost can be restored, stronger and more suited to our own unique purpose than before.





This card is from Tarot of the Sidhe by Emily Carding, published by Schiffer Books.

Many Cards, One Message

Mary El Tarot Three of Cups

Messenger Oracle

 These cards came to me on the same day, in two different readings.  The first one, the Three of Cups from the Mary El Tarot, was my answer to the question, "What can I expect from working with this deck?"  I did not understand immediately, as I prefer my cards to have people in them for me to relate to, but after reflection, and a little help from Marie White's companion book, Landscapes of the Abyss, I began to relate the flowing streams as different aspects of myself, all coming from one source, all returning to one source, and in between I have to ride the waves as they come.  When you canoe, you go where the waters will.  For me, I am trying to compartmentalize my tarot work, my creative fiction, and my every day life, but that just can't happen.  They are part of the whole.  I am psychic.  I do write beautiful stories.  I am a busy mom and wife with responsibilities that WILL take up all of every day if I allow them to.  But I am not a whole person when I neglect any of these aspects of myself.

The second card, from the Messenger Oracle by Ravynne Phelan, was in answer to how I can best improve my creative life, and therefore my writing.  I did, in fact, let the emotions flow, as tears came unbidden to my eyes.  The imagery in the cards, with the three flowing streams, the strong presence of green and wooded things, was too similar to be coincidence.  This is my message, there can be no doubt.  As in Marie's card, all good things flow from the Heavens, and in Ravynne's all good things flow from the personal Heaven of having the third eye wide open, and in both cards the waters combine to ultimate healing and wholeness, creation itself.

These decks worked together as if they were made for each other, and my messages have been coming through loud and clear.  Do you ever combine tarot and oracle decks?  This is new to me, as I do not use many oracles, but I am captivated by the art of the Messenger Oracle, and I have been eager to work with the Mary El since I got it.





These decks are available at the usual sources, though if at all possible I encourage you to purchase directly from the artists when you can.  They make more money that way and you get the personal touch.  The Mary El Tarot is by Marie White, published by Schiffer Books.  The Messenger Oracle is by Ravynne Phelan, published by Blue Angel Publishing.