Thanks to the lovely, insightful, and very fun
Lisa for her Intentions Spread, which has become my PDR reading for this week using my Deviant Moon.
As background, she has said the spread is meant to be used at the start of a new relationship. Well, I am not at the start of a new relationship, but I am at what I see as a new start in one that has been off and on for about two years.
1. His intentions - the Four of Wands. Well, one could hardly ask for a more auspicious card in this place! The couple has their hands locked, entwined with gorgeous ivy vines. Their new home, built solidly on four wands, awaits them in the background. The moon shines it's bright light on the couple, blessing them and their life together. Fours are about stability and wholeness, something I crave deeply. This makes sense because the talk of moving forward has included deep conversations about we each expect from our domestic lives, and what steps we are willing to take to get there. This has not been an on and off relationship for lack of love, but rather for technical difficulties in actually being together. To this point, we have not lived together, but we are considering it at this moment. I am so relieved to see that is what he truly intends to do, rather than just telling me that because he thinks that is what I want. He is not dishonest with me in any way, but I have some deep trust issues, and I do not doubt that he would put my wishes before his own, but I am happy to see that in this case, they coincide. After all, who doesn't want domestic bliss?
2. What attracts him to me - the Ace of Swords. This angel is fierce, ready to defend what is hers and not back down. She relates to the first card by also having the vines wrapped around her weapon and her crown. I am like that sometimes, holding whatever it is I want to achieve close to me, and never letting go. This is both a good trait and a bad trait. He sees me as someone who uses intelligence and logic to hone in on a situation and use it to emerge triumphant. I am also a writer, someone who uses words (communications) to cut straight through to the heart of the matter, and I know that he finds that very attractive, as well.
(I know this by the way because of the things he tells me, teehee. It's nice to get affirmation from tarot, though.)
3. Next move - the Six of Wands. In this picture, the emerging creature accepts the accolades of those around him. He was wrapped up tight in his chrysalis, but has now come out to join the party, and he probably wonders what took him so long. My sweetheart's inner workings are not for me to discuss publicly, but I know that that the intent of the domestic harmony of the Four of Wands is causing him to go through some deep personal changes. I see him as making those changes, and soon, and that he will come out better, more complete, peaceful, and feeling pretty good about himself. Which he should. I won't insult his manliness by comparing him to a butterfly any further. *wink*
4. Higher reason/karmic link (quote from Lisa - "Shows the spiritual reason for why you have been brought together, or what you will learn from this relationship. It might also show if there is a karmic/past life link with this person. Look out for Majors in this position as a clue to whether or not you have a past life connection, and what the nature of your connection was. With the Wheel of Fortune or Justice there might still be karma to work out.") - The World. Without talking about the imagery of the card for a moment, I think that this card in this position speaks pretty compellingly about why we are so drawn to each other, despite our difficulties. I am of two minds about this, although the ideas do not necessarily need to be separate.
Recently, while using my
Osho Zen deck, I asked to be shown the reason we are so linked together, because we are, no matter what difficulties we go through. The card I received was XVIII, which corresponds to The Moon, but is named "Past Lives" in the Osho Zen. I had that bone deep feeling that just says, "Yes!" and I instantly understood things differently than I had before. I am not certain of what I believe about reincarnation and past lives, but I do know that from the moment we met, we have had a deep, strong, and nearly inexplicable connection, that has thus far proved unbreakable. I have always meant to explore that aspect further, but you can't do everything at once, can ya?
My second mind about the card is that it shows a completeness, something that I know I lack when he is not in my life, and that I think he does, too. To be together on a permanent basis would be a victory over a long, hard situation, and definitely the end of one cycle and the beginning of a new one. The two ideas can go together quite nicely, I think, that we have unfinished business (hell, we have unfinished business in THIS life, let alone another *grin*) and that truly, to quote Jerry Maguire, "You complete me."
I get a real sense of joy from this card, this teal-tressed mermaid dancing (quite an accomplishment when one has no legs). I particuarly enjoy her moves with the fire capped batons. I can almost imagine her doing a silly little dance on par with a football player's touchdown jig.
5. Hopes and fears - the Seven of Wands. A panicked young thing rushes through the woods. It seems to me that she has found her way out. I much prefer this image to the RWS with a young man fighting off many staves with just his one. In the Deviant Moon, I feel that you can see she has overcome the odds, while in the RWS, I always worry that the young man might not. Of course, there is a time to overcome and a time to be defeated, so that is not wrong thinking or symbolism. But since I love this man, and I want to be with him, I prefer to see her as successful.
There are a lot of reasons that we have not been successful as a couple in the past, but most of them center around fear, both mine and his. This position is meant to reflect the other person's hopes and fears, so I do not want to reveal more than he would like me to, so I will just say that he is afraid of fear paralyzing him to the point of not being able to go ahead and and be that triumph in the Six of Wands. I think he is also deeply afraid of disappointing me by not being able to do so. What I think of him means a lot to him, and I can't seem to make him understand that I just love him, and I would never be disappointed by him.
Additionally, we face, together, and separately, a lot of challenges to be together, and sometimes those challenges really seem overwhelming to both of us. I believe it speaks to the deep love we share that we continue to try, depsite the obstacles. But really, is any other love worth having?
6. Outcome (what the relationship will look like this time next month) - Justice. Looking back to The World card, I think that we still have decisions to make to be able to get to that complete feeling, whether we find it together, or separately. The Justice figure holds two swords at equal heights, while he squashes a disgusting fish. His keys rattle around at his waist, and he waits impassively.
Justice can often mean getting what you deserve, and honestly, I think we both deserve that soft place to fall that comes with a good relationship. I also am in the middle of a legal concern with my children's father, and the outcome of that will affect our ability to be together as well, since I have to be able to move with the children to do so.
(As a side note, if the children's father was someone I thought would be a blessing in their lives, I would not even consider moving them, despite my wishes. I have not spoken much about him, but he was violent with me, unkind to them, and when they are in his care he rarely spends time with them, more often leaving them with his girlfriend, who they do not like, or family members whose care is questionable. I have had to pull my children out of drunken brawls that have occurred at his home. There are two sides to every story, but this is MY blog, and frankly I have decided that trying to understand THE EX is a waste of my time. I find it a better use of my resources to figure out why I was in the relationship, and how I contributed to the mess that it was.)I think that, for the purposes of this reading, in a month's time we will still be weighing our options and not doing much else in the relationship, despite what either of us really wants. I will check in on April 5 with this and see where we are!
I think that the profusion of Wands (three in a six card spread) speaks to the fiery, passionate nature of our relationship. Boring it is not! I am also intrigued by the two majors in their positions. I might have preferred to see the domestic bliss card (Four of Wands) in the outcome position, but I am walking away from this reading feeling very positive, and extremely proud of my honey. There are other decks that are suited specifically to questions of love, and I seriously considered pulling one of them, like the Lover's Path, out to do this, but one of the reasons I post rarely with the Deviant Moon, despite it being my deck of choice, is that often what comes out hits really close to home, and I am reluctant to share. If you read this blog, though, you know that it must get really deep, because I am not too shy about what I write! One of the things that tarot has given me is a way to express my feelings and understand them better, and that alone is worth more than it's weight in gold (that means all my decks and books haha).
These images are from the Deviant Moon by Patrick Valenza for US Games, the Osho Zen tarot, and the Radiant Rider Waite.
Okay, I did not pick a Significator, letting the deck choose for me, which was the Two of Swords. These Siamese twins are locked in battle, which is fruitless, because they can't get away from each other and their energy would be better suited to cooperation than fighting. I can relate to this card because so many times I feel torn by what I should do, and what I need to do, and what I want to do, and sometimes they get so tangled up and I get so confused that I just do nothing, which is not the proper way to live life. Perfectionism is itself a form of procrastination because if you put off doing things because it won't be perfect you will never get anything done, because life by it's very nature is never perfect.
The Light - The Wheel of Fortune. The querent in this card looks absolutely terrified about what is about to happen when the Wheel spins. I think we can all be that way, and myself especially. I have not been diagnosed, but I probably have a mild case of OCD. It is very important for me to have my days structured the same, my things in the same spot and that I plan well in advance for deviations from that structure. I am definitely not an impulsive type. My personal shadow card is The Tower, but I think that I need to start understanding that changes are good, they are part of growth, and that it is all part of a master plan that I can trust in.
How you sometimes move into Shadow - Two of Pentacles. This image was not hard for me to interpret at all! I often take on too many projects, for work, home, school, the kids, art, friends, family, and I get overwhelmed and then I just give up on all of it. I end up juggling so many things, and not really doing any of them properly and out of sheer frustration I just let some of them go. If I would properly concentrate on the few that are most important to me, I would have more peace in my life.
The Shadow - Ten of Cups. Now I am starting to get confused with the spread. I often associate this card with my kids as it portrays a happy family. I think we are a happy family, but it could be that this card warns me to juggle my family less and the other things more. These are the only munchkins I am ever going to have, and although it is sad for all of us that our family did not end up the way we thought it would we still ARE a family that loves each other to pieces. Sometimes I still get lost in sadness that I am no longer a stay at home mom, wife to a loving husband, or beloved in law. Those labels are part of my past, and maybe someday part of my future, but they are not who I am now, and I mourn that fact.
How you can move further into the light - Four of Pentacles. Now, this is not a very reassuring image. A skeletal woman leads a rich man away as he clutches his coins to his chest, looking over his shoulder in terror. What could be so scary behind him that this gruesome figure is a preferable alternative? Being careful with my money is going to be a good way to be assured that I can take care of my kids, make them the number one priority, and still be able to pursue my dreams. There are many good things in the world, but sometimes we have to give up good things for the BEST things.
