Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Cry Me A River

I've sure enjoyed the rain,
but I'm looking forward to the sun.
You have to feel the pain when you lose the love
you gave someone.

I thought by now the time
would take away these lonely tears;

I hope you're doin' fine all alone
but where do I go from here...

~Dixie Chicks

It's terribly difficult for any of us to just give in, to surrender, to the pain of loss. If you watch folks in the rain, they will work so hard to not get drenched, whereas if they just gave in, let themselves get wet, they would not have to fight against nature.

One of the things we do not often consider is that the pain we feel when we lose something is in equal measure to the pleasure it used to give us.

C.S. Lewis summed it up beautifully -

"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal."

Well, pardon me, but I think the deal sucks, and probably so do most of you.

Nonetheless, we have to go on, right? When I see the Three of Swords, I think to myself, and this is someone elses' quote, "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

Well, count me out. Remember when we were young teenagers? And our arms and legs and all of our joints would ache? Those are called growing pains, but unfortunately, no growth occurs without pain. It would be good for us to remember that when the Three of Swords strikes, piercing us through the heart and making us feel that sometimes it is just too difficult to go on, to love, to risk, to want, and to possibly feel this immense, aching loss. You gotta feel it, it's gonna hurt, but all that hurt does not have to define ones' life.

Jim Morrison was rather blunt as he addressed this topic -

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

I will leave you with these thoughts from the Lovers Oracle, with artwork from Sulamith Wulfing.

"Love has no limits and has no regret," writes the brave author.

I am challenging all of us to live as if those words were true. Not every love ends with the Ten of Cups, but does that make them less valid, less worthwhile?

We can't help hurting sometimes, but we can help how long we stay in that place of tears. I, for one, am definitely looking forward to the sun, even if I had to feel the pain to lose the love I gave someone. It's hard to leave little pieces of ourselves behind in the hearts of others.

These images are from Deviant Moon tarot and Lovers Oracle, artwork by Sulamith Wulfing.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Beautifully written, ((((((Manda)))))). I feel you.

  3. Beautifully expressed Manda, and I hope you don't stay in a place of tears for too long.

    When you look at the DM 3 swords don't forget to notice those sweet little gold buttons on her dress that add up to 10 - Gold being a colour that can symbolise illumination, reason, intellect as well as understanding and insight and 10 being the number in tarot of endings and beginnings all in one go.

    Perhaps for this lady, who in this image is definitely suffering the pain straight to her heart, those gold buttons may just indicate that out of the sorrow comes a deeper understanding and the chance of a new beginning.

    I am reminded by your post here of that well known saying "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."

  4. Your timing in posting this is incredible, based on things that have been running through my own mind lately - just this morning, in fact.

  5. Amazing post Manda. I am going to print it out if its ok with you and post it on my cork board. Something that should be remembered.

    Angela yet again great minds think alike. Something like this was just running through my mind also.

  6. I think the deal sucks, too, Manda! Thank you for a wonderful post and for reminding me I'm not alone. xx

  7. Hey, thank you everyone for your good thoughts! I am beyond flattered if my words resonated, although I wish for all of us they didn't have to.

  8. Thank you Manda, and no matter how hard it is to move on from the place of tears, if the pain of what I cry now is the pain of love I had, then damn I was lucky to have so much love, and no I wouldn't change having had that love for the world. Hurting still sucks though, big time!

  9. mouse - that is one of the most valid points about love and loss I have ever heard!