Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Pitter Patter of Little Feet

Everyone who knows my husband knows he is not a baby person.  Kids he likes just fine, as long as they are respectful of his things and express gratitude for the extras they get (and our kids get A LOT of extras), but babies, no not really into it.  I have my personal theories as to why that is, starting with he had a couple of them in a relationship that was never that stable.  Having done both ways, had a child with someone I was not all that in love with and having had two with someone I was crazy in love with, at least as I understood love at the time, I can say for me it was two different experiences, on my own personal level.  The kids, I can't even gush enough to explain how much I adore them, and that has never been affected one iota by my personal feelings about their dad, but as a pregnant woman, I just felt more warmth.  Also, throughout my husband's son's lives while he and their mom lived together, and for some time after, he worked two jobs so that she could stay at home with them.  As much as he loves those boys, as great a father as he is, I know he was too tired to really enjoy them a lot of the time, to really have fun with them as babies.  That has changed since he only has to work one job and they are older now, but he has never really been interested in babies.

Me, on the other hand, I can't get enough of them!  When we were newly in love, I used to care for a friend's toddler fairly regularly, and she simply adored Mark, always in his lap, always saying, "Up, Mawk, up!" reaching with her pudgy little fingers,and he always obliged.  I see him with our niece, not so much a baby any more as she is about to turn 4, but he really has a gentle way with small children that they respond to well, and I swoon over the thought of him with a baby in his arms.  Of course, falling in love has made me all hormonal, and I keep imagining little boys with his grin and I would love for him to have the experience of having a baby he could have time to actually enjoy, whose mother would only speak well of him.

Of course, my ex and his wife have just welcomed a little baby boy into the world, and my heart and womb about melt every time I see him!

When we got together, my husband and I agreed that we were both done having kids, and really, we have quite the gaggle. I brought my three into the family, and he has two, so we are really a full house, but mostly happy.  The 17 year olds are often doing their own things, and they both have plans to be away at college in less than a year.  The 13 year olds and the baby girl who is about to turn 11, well, they are pretty self sufficient, and being able to go into my room and close the door is an amazing blessing.  I can take a class in the evenings if I would like, I can ask them for help around the house, they are interesting to talk to, and really, my husband and I love the kids ferociously, but are also looking forward to the time when it may be just us, with more freedom to travel, freedom to make love anywhere we darn well feel like it in the house, freedom to plan our lives around our whims and not the kids' schedules.

But it seems like his biological clock may have started ticking.  He, not me mind you, is bringing up babies- That it would be nice to have one we share biologically, that it would do at least two of the kids (the two who were the babies themselves before we got married and the ex had another) good to have someone to be a big sibling to, that we are so in love and a baby would only add to that.  He feels like he missed out on the experience of really fathering young children because he was working so much and their split and subsequent custody was so bitter, and that he would like another chance to have that, in a marriage that is happy, warm, and loving.  Also, I am blushing and grinning at the same time to say, having know each other most of our adult lives, he says I am the cutest pregnant person he has ever seen, round belly and I am sure growing breasts don't hurt the overall picture.

So, at the end of this TMI fest, what I want to know is what the cards have to tell me about the possibility of having another baby.

Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan- Eight of Wands, Knight of Cups, Five of Wands

This is a three card free flowing reading, which I occasionally like to do.  I read the cards all together as a story.  The Eight of Wands and the Knight of Cups tell me if we decided to have another baby it would happen quickly, which doesn't surprise me as I seem to be he most fertile woman on the planet, and it absolutely would be a child born out of love and right back into it.  The Eight of Wands is a swift moving card, and with all those blooms, one of fertility.  There is a lot of masculine energy in these cards, all those Wands, and the Knight, so I am guessing we would have a boy, which is fine by me as I love mothering my boys, and really, NicNoodle deserves to be the princess of the house.  The Five of Wands seems obviously to be the five siblings we already have and I am not sure any of them would take real well to the idea of another baby coming into the family.  The 13 year old boys are in constant competition already for my husband's attention, which I believe would be remedied by amending the custody situation so that the young men get more of of their dad at this critical time in their lives.  One of the boys worries that he can't be loved as much as the biological son, and the other is worried that he doesn't get as much of his dad as the other kids do.  The 17 year olds are both pretty cool and collected about everything, both being focused young men who are actively pursuing their own dreams, but my BabyGirl with her four planets in Scorpio, is a possessive little thing, unfailingly sweet until the moment she is not, and then look out!  All four stingers come right at you, then she forgets and is back to being a perfect doll.  She has recently been displaced as the baby of the family with the arrival of her little brother, and I think she values that position in this half of her family.  If we decide to have another baby, we definitely will need to put a lot of effort into making sure the kids we already have know how loved the are, how vital they are to this to this family, how we cherish them as individuals, just because they are so damn cool, and be proactive in settling disputes before they become full out conflict.  The oldest boys would be 18 before a baby may come, and I can see that being somewhat awkward for them.  I was 16 & 17 when my little sisters were born and I felt weird about it, telling my friends, the daily reminder that my mom and stepdad had S-E-X.
Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan- Four of Cups

The Shadow Card for this reading is the Four of Cups.  That mermaid, a creature of the water and thus from the unconscious, is gazing longingly at the dark haired little boy, which is what we would be likely to have.  He is oblivious to her, because at the moment he is just a gleam in the eyes of my husband and myself.  With the traditional meaning of the Four of Cups, stagnancy,boredom, apathy, we need to think very carefully if we truly want another baby, or if we are experiencing a little early empty nest syndrome.  We have been parents for so long, and our lives are so defined by the kids, which is exactly as it should be, for now, I am not sure that we know what to do with ourselves if we don't have little ones to care for.


These images are from the Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan and Mark Evans, published by Lo Scarabeo.


  1. Heavy stuff. Me, I don't let Tarot or any oracle dictate big decisions (hell, even small ones!) Having said that, I DID come across an apropos quote from Lucille Ball today: "I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done". Just sayin'.

    1. I just read that quote a few minutes ago somewhere else, Janet! As for cards making my decisions, like many things, I pull them, contemplate, and then usually do whatever the hell I was gonna do anyway :-) Just with hopefully more insight. It's just a "what if" kind of reading, and you know we writers love "what if". There would be more discussion and thought to put it into it and it was either this or a Real Housewives reading today. A more interesting thing to read on, for me, would be my husband's sudden interest on babies, and not just the making of them, but that would be a private kind of thing. Not that this isn't, but I comfortable with this.

  2. Very cool reading.

    Whatever you decide, I'm sure it'll work out well. Your relationship seems very good and I bet you'll deal with whatever happens with aplomb. It's always exciting to think about the prospect.

    I echo Janet's words. We got fixed last year (vasectomy) and every day I kind of regret the decision. I think there are pros and cons to what we did, and I know I can live with whatever happens, but it's hard finishing something like that. I do think putting some honest thought into it is important, too.

    Hope you have a lovely rest of the week,

    1. Thank you, MM! It's a fun little prospect at least, a diversion if nothing else. Last year when it was time to replace my IUD we seriously considered the vasectomy route, too, but something held us back. Babies are so fun and so cool, and I think they only get better as they get older, but you certainly have your hands full and she is such a doll! Like you said, pros and cons to both decisions. Like you, we could live happily either way.

      Blessings to you and yours, too!

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