Thursday, March 4, 2010

Daily Draw - King of Wands

This King of Wands does not look like the dynamic, energetic King I have come to expect.  He looks more like I feel today, heart just laying out there, exposed, for everyone to see, and a little careworn to boot.  He seems to me to be waiting, just waiting, focusing all of his charisma and famous energy on calling something to himself.  Just like me.  This is not the time for action.  The strength of conviction of his vision alone is enough to call it into being.  He does this calmly, completely assured that even if all is not well with the world at this moment, it soon will be.

I often draw clarifying cards for Court Cards, especially in a single card spread like this Daily Draw.  The one for today is The Sun, which serves as confirmation of the message I initially believed the King was bringing me.  Today, this card is literally the son.

I have dreamt every night this week of my Floppy Hair, my 14 year old son, the love of my life.  In my dreams, he is cuddled up against me in a way that is so rare for a teenage boy to admit to needing.  I can smell his beautiful brown hair and feel his heart beat.  There is a great deal of distance between us, and these cards today show me the deepest longing of my own heart, which is to close that gulf and to just love him as deeply as he needs, because that is what mothering is.

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."  ~Elizabeth Stone

The Shadow card of the day is The World, which, in this deck, is a picture of perfect love.  The young man in this card looks very like Floppy Hair, and the woman could resemble me, right down to the height disparity, which is a strange thing to experience as a mother, even stranger for me as I am not a short woman.  The World is a card of perfect completeness, in a way that lies so subtly in the fabric of reality that it could never have been any other way.  With this imagery, I am reminded that I need his love as much, and probably more, than he needs mine.  Being a mother is such a deep part of who I am, and I do not know how to be me without my kids.  The relationships have to grow and change, but these are unbreakable bonds, and blessing beyond count.

The combination of these cards makes me believe that the answer to the great dilemma Floppy Hair and I are facing is to love more, laugh more, forgive all, judge less, and just enjoy life together.

These images are from the Heart Tarot by Maria Distefano for Lo Scarabeo.

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